Yes you understand! Unless you are going through such things you can't imagine how it is can you? Having a lot of stuff going on is overwhelming and I forget that I have some of it.

A cancer diagnosis though is different and like being hit in the face by a bus and it hits you the second that you wake up and you don't forget for one second - at least I don't. Plus you think: "The last time I did this, heard that, saw this, ate that, saw him... I didn't have or know I had this monstrous problem". My partner has started to minimise my fears lately, as he can't put himself in my shoes and doesn't understand or want to believe that I have a rare and aggressive subtype in TPBC. He likes to think of the 40% chance I have if being okay but I think of the 60% chance I have of not, especially with HER2, grade 2 and a positive ki-67 of 22%. It is hard to have hope and be optimistic. And having chemo and Herceptin for something with a 40% chance of being okay that could wipe me out straight off with sepsis or cardiac issues, and not even work long term, feels really bad and then to refuse it feels really bad but hard when one hospital said definitely no and the other said perhaps if I want to ... Yes I wish that I could forget it all or wake up from this nightmare of four months so far. Xx  

HI Gwendoline,

You're probably wondering why you haven't heard from me. My hubby and I were both struck by Covid this week and it has hit us hard. I have had a splitting headache and have been advised to stay off all social media until it settles.

I agree that it is hard not to dwell on the 60% chance. There are a number of people on this forum who have been given much more dismal odds, yet they are still here years later. These percentages are at best an educated guess, but they are no guarantee. Most partners tend to minimise their loved one's fears. He wants to hold on to you, so naturally he is being optimistic. I am sure that your care team would not even consider you for this treatment, unless they believed that it is safe to do so.

When you stop to think logically about this, what are your options? Are there any trials that would be suitable for you? Make sure to get all of the alternatives, before you decide upon anything.

Please understand that I am thinking of you and hope to be back on the forum, as soon as I am able.

Kind regarrds,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

Hope that you feel better soon. 

The chemo and Herceptin are not really recommended or indicated for me but I could have had them if I wanted but they only provide a 2% benefit and the risks outweigh that, so it is just Letrozole currently. Xx