hi sadie 

sorry to hear your in this awful nightmare aswell, it's really really scary thinking about leaving them i can't think of anything else just now  im really struggling to deal with it all and i'm sure you are too

my wee girls 2nd birthday is in two weeks and im just feelings so down but need to try and keep as normal as possible for them 

im glad your scan has been done , my CT is tomorow but i've not had the date for MRI yet i'm just praying they say it's not spread but i've been panicking because i've had a sore back for ages and just put it down to posture from sitting on the chair at work etc now i'm thinking of every worst case scenario there is 

what a situation to be in when we have little babies eh? words can even describe the feeling i've lost so much weight already and was only told last thursday and confirmed this thursday i can't eat or sleep 

praying for a good result for you mrs, please let me know how you get on! lots of love

hollie x

hey, 

i know i'm just wanting to know exactly what's happening, they've gave me a rough idea already but no dates or anything yet!

my next scan is tomorow and still waiting a date for MRI 

it's absolutely terrifying everyone keeps saying be positive etc but i tired that last week and it was confirmed to be cancer so my world came crashing down now i don't feel positive at all most of the time 

hope your doing well, much love hollie x

I understand everything you are saying as I'm exactly the same. I have had back ache too but my friend is a dr and she told me that the diagnosis will be making me feel more aware of any aches and pains and magnifying them because of the worry - plus I think the intense stress and anxiety we are under at the moment can cause back/neck pain 

I asked my gp for something to help me sleep and that has helped because being awake in the middle of the night with your mind racing is awful! I've lost weight too and have to force myself to eat most of the time

The CT scan is quick and fine. The MRI was more intense but ok - hope you get a date for it soon and if not chase them up because the sooner all the tests are done the sooner we can get treatment

Hope all goes well for you, keep in touch and let me know how you get on

we will be ok

Sadie x

it's really awful isn't it, yeah i think that's true hve definetley been paying more attention to every pain but wouldn't have bothered much about it before this, ive already got really bad anxiety and this is making it so much more intense i just want to fastfoward time will never take the simple stuff in life for granted again! 

that's good you got something for helping with sleep , i didn't even think to do that but i might now! i've always thought with sleeping tablets i'd be too tierd to get up in the morning and with the kids i can't be that way how do you find that? 

glad the scans aren't too bad, it's the results i have the fear about rather than the actual scans or tests & i find all the waiting in between is like mental torture, i wish i could go private it wouldn't change anything but i'm sure there wouldn't be as much waiting and wondering which has been one of the worst parts of this so far 

hopefully we will, we need to be really there isn't any other option especially when your a mummy! 

xxx

I've never taken anything to sleep before either but these def help and I think it's a pretty low dose so I wake up fine. It's important to get some sleep at the moment I think, just to rest from all the stress for a bit 

I'm worried about the result too and I guess I will prob find out next week - keep thinking surely I'm due some slightly better news soon. If they tell me it's spread then for knows what I will do, doesn't bare thinking about!!

hopefully we have both caught it early and then we can start chemo - this type of cancer responds very well to chemo apparently which is one positive 

hopentou manage to sleep tonight and you get your scans done soon xx

i know sleep is probably one of the most important things just now day to day life is just so blurry aswell can't concentrate properly, i already look in the mirror and don't recognise myself probably because of the sleep deprivation but i've totally lost myself and just see c*ncer staring back at me 

i really hope you get a good result!! your right it doesn't bare thinking about, the poor babies growing up it's so unfair honestly 

yeah here's hoping it was this type my mum had aswell i'm not sure about the grade etc but it was the triple negative i'm now wondering do i have the gene? will my two daughters have the gene?!

hope you get sleep too , thanks i'll be taking the girls to nursery in the morning then heading over for my scan, the sooner it's all done the sooner we can get started! xxx