Hi Annie,

No still been unable to speak to anyone at Cruse. But iv had a few tough days. Mums funeral was this week. Feels so final. Although all our family and mums friends said my brother and I did a lovely service for mum it still hard to sink in that i will never be able to see her again (not even at the chapel of rest) Oh yes we talk about grandma we have photos at home of him and her and he is always saying grandma when he associates things with her. My brother and i went through a few of mum bits at hers and i bought home her rocking chair (which my dad bought for her 20+years ago) its in my sons room and i rocked him lastnight before he went to sleep and he kept saying night night grandma. He is an inteligent boy..We are getting there slowly. Just very tough to deal with all this with an attention seeking two year old. I need my space to.

Thanks for getting in touch again Annie x

Thanks for replying.  The funeral for a beloved parent is always difficult but as you say it is very, well final.  But it is good to mark the passing in this way as it gives you a defining milestone.  Painful at the time but something you will remember.

I am so sorry that Cruse has not been able to help you yet.  I went back to Macmillan Cancer Support and I attach a link which will show you what help is available in the area where you live.  You will have to look up the area or postcode where you live but I am so much hoping that you will find something to help you there. 

When I looked up a random area there seemed to be a mix of things: support groups, volunteering, practical help, benefit advice to name just some of them.

So good that you and your little boy are talking about your mum together.  I realise that your bowl of emotions is already overflowing but to be able to share these feelings is so much better rather than grieving separately.  I get what you say about needing some time for yourself and hopefully your husband can help with childcare to enable you to do this.  I get the feeling that you are gradually making little steps forward - whether you realise it or not.  I imagine your mum would be so proud to see you doing this.  I know it is not great to put words into the mouths of deceased people but I think any mum would be watching over you in this way and recognise the effort it is costing you but you are doing it.  Very best wishes.  Annie xx

www.macmillan.org.uk/.../choose-location.html

Hi Annie,

I shall check the link and see what is available in my area - Thank You.

Thank you for your kinds words. I seem to crying at everything at the moment, but your last paragraph was very kind and very true about my mum. She was a positive lady and i know she would want for me to move on and she knew i was happy and had my own family now. I just cant seem to adjust to life without her in it. xx

Hi Lilly... just read your post about you both sitting on your mum's rocking chair , l felt really emotional reading that ...l could just picture your mum looking at the two of you with a big smile on her face  ...  baby steps Lilly, every day baby steps ... Annie's given you some lovely advice so don't give up trying to get some counselling... if no luck with that keep chatting on here ... the more you talk the better ...

And remember mine and Annie's mum are up there with yours ... baby steps Chrissie 

i know me too, she would be elated to know i kept her chair and its in my sons room. he was facinated by it at her house so i couldnt not do it....deffinatley baby steps. My brother has know gone back home to landsend and i miss him and his wife terrible already. But we have plans in force to go see them very soon and take my son to the beach. i will keep trying. .

Thank you Chrissie x

Hi.  Me again.  I have found another national charity called The Loss Foundation which does bereavement counselling.  I attach a link to their website; it is specifically for people bereaved by cancer.

www.thelossfoundation.org/

Keep up the baby steps!  Annie

Bless you Annie. I will take a look.

hi annie, i have been trying to call curse since monday currently on hold as we speak..i am at the end of my tether. have had the morning from hell with my son. i just want my mum

I am so sorry; I have not heard from Cruse at all despite my email asking them what is happening.  Did you try The Loss Foundation.  I am not going to give up until you are getting some help.  Annie

after nearlly an hour i got through, we chatted for a bit. Some advice already doing. then gave me another number for face to face counsellor - but looked and they are no where near me.