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Speb42
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Hi I don't get on here much and I don't really know what I want to say and I didn't get a massive response the last time I posted something. Not that I'm after anything. But I don't know how I feel or more to the point I feel nothing and lost. My story in short I was diagnosed with testicular cancer in both testicals I have had two separate operations to remove the right then the left testical and now I'm on HRT for life I'm having chemo next week a one off dose then monitoring for the next five years. I have been told I will make a full recovery which I great, so why do I feel dead in side.  my wife and kids have been great. I don't want to burden them anymore with these feelings I have I just don't know how I should feel. I was scared at first but now I feel in some sort of limbo I'm never happy and never really sad ,I'm angry sometimes, and I don't enjoy life at all and I know I should as I have had a close call and if I do enjoy myself very occasionally I then feel bad about it. I work and always have and in total I have had less than a month off work throughout all of this.  I now don't see the point of work but I carry on as I have bills to pay. It might sound like I'm depressed but I'm not really.  I have seen depression in a couple of people really bad depression I fact and I know I haven't got it. I do suffer with bad anxiety but this new feeling is different I feel like I'm being erased and replaced by I don't really know what but I'm not me anymore. Has anyone gone through the same thing or going through similar.  Thank you for reading. 

  • Offline in reply to Speb42

    hiya, you are very welcome, and always here, might take few days answer due to work n stuff but not going anywhere for a bloody long time lol x

     

  • Offline in reply to jenni

    Hello,

    glad you are making a good recovery now.

     

    i had testicukar cancer in the one ball, and haven't received any ( touch wood ) chemo as of yet, it's been 7 months since the all clear.

     

    whilst I had the cancer it seemed that everyone else was more worried me than me, but this seemed to flip sides once I was given the all clear ( on my birthday, best present ever!) 

     

    but that is when I started to feel as you describe, just like a lost soul. I didn't cry or anything when I got the all clear, but after everyone was saying , you'll be ok, like it was a grazed knee! After months of feeling like this I reluctantly saw the doctor and was put on anti- depressants. 

     

    Since then I have not cried once and feel back to nearly my old self. 

     

    Being you you are having treatment still etc I'm not sure this would be the best route as maybe it's the hormones etc. But definitely speak to your gp about. 

     

    I I pretended I had broke my toe and said, I've broke my toe I think .... And I'm depressed. 

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