Hello 

What I'm trying to say.. I've mastectomy, surgery went well . Im happy with the reconstruction. But now that that I have breathing space.. im not sure what's happening . I should be happy that I can move on but im feeling down.

the main issue is that I've always had anxiety . Now it's worst. Last week I cried for 4 days cause I convinced myself that I have ovarian cancer. I got tested , had a meltdown on Friday waiting for the results (was like can't go though this again , all the waiting..) it came back normal, it was all In my head..

also I don't know how to bounce back and see life as it's LIFE

It's like I learnt about a whole other world . A world filled with illness, disaster, tragedy sadness. It made me feel lot more emphatic but how to see this world as a good one again. I gravitate towards art now as I want to soak up as much beauty as possible to counterbalance

i want to be a positive person . But I'm struggling . Also I feel like I shouldn't have to try ? Is it Sg that we have to work towards? Some peope are just positive without trying . Why can't I be like that ? I also dislike myself cause I'm not positive like others.

if anyone has a good advice please let me know. 

I handled the 'cancer journey' ok. But now that it's over , I should be happy. Why am I not? I didn't think why me, before. But now I'm so sad . Why this happened to me. Me who was already anxious and at times depressed before the diagnosis. Seems somewhat unfair now. Cause this made it worst .

Any advise would be appreciated. Xx