Sorry I probably jumped the gun where I read you wrote another lump.  Yes the chemo they really want you to take IS because you young, they want to give you every chance of it never coming back again.  It's hard not easy to just say sure here's my body do whatever you like!!  If you have chemo what are they saying the uplift in survival percent is?  I am not happy they want to give me tamoxifen for ten years especially as the percent is only beneficial by 1 to 2  percent 

The lump is likely nothing, if it was something sinister it would have been picked up by mammogram and ultrasound, however due to a long story my trust is low (the cancerous lump was overshadowed by an abscess a year earlier in the same exact spot, so in theory the cancer was missed for a year, it's a long story though) and my surgeon wants to go through that plus check this lump as well.

Chemo on 15 year prognosis is about 11%, that really seems tiny to me. Everyone says it's not but I mean really, 11% for 5 gruelling months, probably losing all my hair, any long term effects as well...for 11%? Yeah they want me on tamoxifen too, I'm only weak ER+ so that's another treatment I'm grumpy about having to have. 1-2% would have me refusing tbh, that is low, I suppose you could look at it like my people keep telling me, what if you were that one or two people in the hundred, I don't know, at some point you just have to wonder whether the side effects are worth that amount of rubbish we would put ourselves through. I'm not going to be any less anxious if I DON'T get chemo but I just see myself getting secondary cancer despite chemo, and it all just being worthless. Sorry to be such a grump today. Blame the weather! 

I hear you and agree, it really is that one little sentence that messes with my head if I don't do it could that 1 or 2 percent have made the difference.  I've put a hold on the tamoxifen because I'm just not convinced and on top I had the hysterectomy nearly 5 yrs ago so ???? 
 

Never apologise for how you feeling, it's not easy to stay positive with so much going on.  It's really good you talk, at least you not bottling it all in, so keep on ranting it doesn't solve anything but it sure can help one feel better, well a little.  This time of year always depresses me, I'm not a Christmas enthusiast either lol 

I am 50 so older than you, but I also feel I'm too young for all this x. So I totally get where you coming from on that too

I am DREADING Christmas this year. Got three girls under 4 and knowing ill have to force cheer and happiness when I've never felt worse. We can be scrooges together x

I feel for you three little girls, who will be so excited.  My son is 30 I can make sure he waits on me haha won't have to lift a finger!!! I'm so bad I don't even put a tree or decorations haha

I like that idea... Scrooge's together we shall be!!

I was supposed to be in Tenerife for two weeks, but had to cancel

Arghhh that's horrible. We were meant to go to the Azores at the beginning of the month but to add insult to injury I couldn't go, obvs, and my in laws went instead. I banned them from saying anything about it whatsoever. Absolutely gutting. Tenerife (and the Azores) will be there next year though x

Hahaha you banned them!!! Well that gave me a good laugh to end Monday with

Ive got Portugal end of April for two weeks so happy about that.  Will find something near end of the year probably Tenerife... try my luck again.  I really need sunshine.  I think we both need it x

Right lovely lady my shopping is due to be delivered ... thank goodness as I feel like old mother Hubbard right now... no food in the cupboard lol. Then I'm going to shower and relax.  Have a lovely evening with your special little family ok xx