Hi Sharon, thanks for your reply  :)

I'm sorry to have heard of your fiance, hope he is well now?

I totally understand and agree with what you're saying as there are a lot of people who I would have expected to be there for me but haven't. (I don't know how many of my posts/replies you've read, so to warn you I may be repeating myself lol). I can't believe it's going to be a year already since my diagnosis, and the 1 person who I would have liked to see some kind of interest/concern about my health, despite our differences would be my father. We have had no contact in about 20 years, and in past conversations with my younger brother who lives with him, he makes out that he's sad about the fact we don't speak etc. Yet he has not reached out when he heard of my canceer, or when my 1st type of chemo failed, or when my stem cell harvest had to be postponed because of chemo number 2 failing. 

I'll be honest, when you said you hope I'm ok and have some friends that have stuck by me through all of this, it's sad to say that's not the case on either. I'm not as strong as everyone makes me out to be. When I had my first type of chemo, I was having treatment on Monday, and back into work on Thursday the same, that doesn't make me strong, I was/am just trying to have a normal (ish) life. And I am scared. Although I'm still being told that my cancer is curable, and they're not coming away from that, I'm scared that I may not wake up one day, or to be told that the next scan shows it's spread or the chemo I'm currently on isn't working, 
 

There's 2 sayings, "bad luck comes in 3", and "3 time's a charm". I just hope in this case, it's the latter for me

Stay safe

Tim x

From an outsider its also hard - to show concern without be sad so people back off and assume because ur still doing ok after a year they sit on the side lines maybe they watch and say nothing.

people go in to different groups

You dont want to be seen to text every day and appear extra worried - you want them to feel like u know they are a fighter and dont need hand holding - but sorry some times u do need that hand!

Some people do the ostrich thing - it will be fine no change carry on as normal - then realise things have changed and they dont know how to say hi its been a while - because of their own guilt

And then you get people who are always worse off so unless your asking for their help to give them attention off they go.

Yeah I think I get what you mean, the texts and facebook messages were coming through on almost a daily basis from those who I considered a friend at the start of my diagnosis, but that soon stopped. It's always that 2 side feeling, on 1 hand it would have been nice if people had kept in touch but on the other hand there are times that you just want to be left alone to get on with things. But either way, I'm glad I got things sorted out

Stay safe  :)  

HI,

I know how you feel and had a similar experience.

I have had people be great - asking about treatments, how i'm doing etc - but others have been saying they don't believe I have it ('he hasn't lost any hair, he can still run').

I've been thinking of this more and more and it really has gotten to me more than I actually realised.

I had put the no contact over the last 15months down to Covid and Lockdown but I think I'm actually making excuses for people? 

I still manage to ask how people are, comment on social media posts, or drop a group WhatsApp.

My treatment has gone well and have been moved to 3month check ups - which is huge! I just don't feel I can tell anyone about it!!

It's a strange world we live in - an expectation for people to be there and the only time it shows who truly is - is when you need them and they aren't!

Humans by their very nature back off - for many reasons - and that is the fight or flight instinct I feel to some degree. Also personal experiences mould response as well.

Rant Over! 

Thanks for letting me share and get something off my chest - really needed today after 2years of being unable to work for health reasons. Trying to get back to work and covid not going well and I'm kinda at the end of my tether with it all!

Thanks for listening.

Rob

Hi Rob thanks for your reply, hope you're well

I think it's disgusting that people would say things like "I don't believe he has cancer, he hasn't lost his hair", I mean that could be put down to plain ignorance or just the surprise of you not showing signs of side effects? It took 4 types of chemo (the 4th type was part of treatment I had only a day or 2 before a stem cell transplant) before my hair fell out, so I think it's dependable on the chemo type, length of treatment and the individual.

As for making excuses regarding the no contact, I think I've done the same. Those who seemed to genuinely care at the start stopped sending messages or comments on my posts on FB. And the people I work with have mostly all said the same thing, "I've been thinking of you", "we've missed you" "I've been asking about you" etc. But if they were that concerned why did they not pick up the phone, send a quick text/FB message or a quick call? 

I'm glad that things are looking positive for you, and that you're getting close to recovery? In a weird way of looking at it, I'm lucky in the sense that although I had to have: 3 types of chemo before being in remission (needed to be in remission to have the stem cell transplant), a failed PICC line insertion leading to a port implant, a Hickman line to replace the port as that got blocked, and a 4th type of chemo for the transplant...it was only a year before I was in remission.

It's easier said than done to tell someone "don't worry about returning to work" especially when you're going through this, as work should be the last thing to think about. But it's not that simple. When I was told I had cancer I was worried as people were saying I would need around 6 months off work for treatment, this was before Covid reared it's ugly head, and I couldn't afford to be off that long. When I started having chemo, I was having treatment on Monday, back to work by Thursday, but then when Covid happened I was told by my company to be shielding, and was only allowed back to work recently when the lockdown restrictions were eased. Believe me I know it's difficult, but focus on getting yourself better (something you may have heard a thousand times? lol) 

I'm glad you managed to fet some stuff or your chest, it does help to take some time to talk, especially in times like these where being in shielding can affect people's state of mind

Stay safe, best wishes

Tim