Hi

Well, what fantastic news from both Nicola and Simon!

I can't believe that this time a year ago I had just been diagnosed and was starting it all and now I'm about to go off on a girls weekend to Brighton! Woohoo!

Keep on eating, Irene, and you'll soon be back to "normal"!

Debbie

Thanks all for your messages!

Jo - I will certainly be keeping in touch, you're not getting rid of me that easily! Have you returned to work yet?

Simon - well that is good news. I'm so pleased. Keep us posted of further news won't you? Time certainly is flying by, I'm almost three months post treatment and it all feels like only yesterday.

I'm hopefully starting some counselling next week. Although I appear to be recovering physically, I'm having trouble mentally and emotionally. Maybe it's to do with my age and that I've had to face it all mostly alone, but the thought of moving on and getting back to normal scares me quite a lot. I'm not sure how I will just slip back into going to work etc so I'm hoping that talking about it all will help me. I'll see how it goes.

Speak soon,

Nicola xx

Hi Nicola

I didn't mean to be flippant with my getting back to normal comment,

I was off work for 6 months and I was really nervous returning to work. I got off the train and really thought I couldn't face going in. Being ill really knocked my confidence but it came back.

Just take your time and you'll get there.

Debbie

Hi Nicola,

Glad to hear you'll still be posting!

Started back to work this week . . . Only half a week, but very tiring!

It felt very scary, but soon felt as if I'd never been away!

Day off tomorrow so I'm looking forward to a lie in and then treating my lovely man to lunch!

Good luck with the counselling next week. You've been through so much, I'm sure it will help.

Take care and have a good weekend,

Love Jo xx

Hi Nicola,

I hope that the counselling goes well. I really wouldn't be overly concerned about feeling as you do at this stage though - three months out is not a long time in the overall scheme of things. I am six months out and I am still working from home - I hope to be up to getting back into the office in the next two or three weeks. The emotional impact should not be under-estimated but you will recover in this respect too. Speaking to various people at the hospital they tell me that 6 to 8 months is about when they generally see people in our position reach a point where day to day living becomes both emotionally and physically manageable. I am almost there but don't forget that you are around 3 months behind me - yes, you are younger but I am a very fit and generally tough and robust individual. For myself I have noticed a real improvement mentally over the past 3 or 4 weeks - the same will happen for you I'm sure. Our journey has been hard on both mind and body. The counselling will undoubtedly be beneficial, but time is the greatest healer for us and time is on your side.

I got a call yesterday - I'm going in for  PET scan on Monday and I should be hearing from the hospital dentist sometime in the next few days to assess the growing bone/tooth/cementum in my mouth.

Take care and good luck, Nicola.

Simon XX

Hi Nicola,

I am sure your feelings are quite normal, you have had a very different normality to go through.

Although you are going back to work you are different from how you were, you have had a lot to get through.

I hope the counselling helps and that work goes well for you. Kepp posting, let us know how you are,

Hugs

Annabel. xx

Hi Nicola

I hope you find the counseling session beneficial and would be interested to hear how you get on with it.  I remember you posting a few weeks back that you were finding the not-eating situtation depressing and demoralising, and now I know what you mean!  At the moment I'm feeling like I will never be able to eat again, although I know it's a step forward that I can drink coffee and most days (not always) I can taste and enjoy it.  Everything else though - soups, puddings, ice-cream, yoghurts - I just feel like I'm going through the motions for the sake of it, but not getting any enjoyment from anything.  I just got really adventurous!  I made sausage casserole with carrots and mash for my husband and decided to try a little mashed potato, carrots and gravy but I just couldn't handle it.  Managed a couple of teaspoonfuls but hated the texture and the taste was just all wrong.

I know it's early days but I am also already worrying about getting back to work which is provisionally scheduled for 30th March from home/part-time in the office. Because his daughters go to school near where I live, my boss pops in to see me once or twice a week when picking them up.  In a way it's very kind of him and he's not meaning to put pressure on me, but we have a very small team and they are approaching our very busiest time of year so I know they are struggling a bit.  They have someone covering half of my job and the rest is shared out between 2-3 others.

Anyway enough moaning for me.  On the upside, I had my first night out last night at 5 weeks on from end of treatment.  My Christmas present from my sisters - Real Diamond (Neil Diamond tribute act) concert which I really enjoyed.  I managed not to drop off during the performance, which did worry me because I didn't manage my usual afternoon nap, so although pretty whacked by the time I got to bed, it was great to be out enjoying myself.

Good luck with the counselling and let me know if you find it helpful?

Love Irene x

Hi Irene,

Thank you for writing to me. and thank you for encourage me with all the information. I am sorry to hear about your throat cancer, and you have go through so much, hopefully you can recover asap!
I feel relieve that you have coped well with the treatment, so I guess my mom will be too!

Hopefully everything goes fine, my mom will be doing her radiotheraphy on next Tuesday.

Take care

Ping

Hi everyone,

Thanks again for all of your reassuring comments. It's good that you all understand how I'm feeling and I do feel a little more normal knowing that you've all struggled a bit too with coming to terms with things. I sent an email to my employers yesterday explaining the stage I'm at as my current doctors certificate expires at the end of April and I originally told them I hoped it would be the last one but as we are nearing April, I don't think I will be ready. My speech therapist, nurse and dietician said last week to expect at least another couple of months recovery time before a gradual return to work. I think that sounds realistic.

I have an appointment today for an ultrasound on my neck. I'm assured that its just to be overly cautious as I mentioned last week that I have some tenderness and swelling. My nurse is also going to take a look at my peg as I've noticed my stomach is always bloated and a little tender. I'm then going to pop along to see the counsellor at the oncology centre so I'll let you all know how that goes.

Debbie - I didn't think your comment flippant at all! I know we all get back to normal eventually, but I just never realised how long it would take and how hard it is to move on from this horrible chapter of my life. All I've wanted all along was to get back to normal and be back at work again but as the time is approaching its really scary and I've lost my confidence too. How are things with you? I recall you saying you maybe having another op early this year?

Simon, did you experience any bloating from your peg? Or pain? I seem to feel nauseous when I've had a feed via my peg, this has started happening over the last month or so. I assume you are still waiting to hear the results of your pet scan, let us all know about that when you can. Have any of the symptoms you were having settled down?

Irene, you're doing well to be tasting things, I remember I gave up for a while as I hated the texture too. Three months on and I'm still not enjoying food but I'm forcing myself to eat a few things each day. I can taste more than before but it's not the same but then again my treatment was aimed at my tongue so maybe I'll be a little worse off taste bud wise. I've so far managed a little bit of sausage with mash and gravy, pasta in a cheesy sauce, jelly, cream, custard, soups, casserole without the meat, scrambled eggs and toast. I drink plenty of tea and milky coffee but I need to add sugar as everything tastes much more sharp/sour. I'm determined to get back onto chocolate although its a little too painful yet.

I hope your return to work goes well, take it easy as I expect it will be very tiring at first. I'm still feeling very fatigued, a couple of outings at the weekend has wiped me out this week!

Jo, sounds as if work is very busy for you, I hope it is helping to have something else to focus on. I hope it's the same for me in that I will feel like I've never been away when I go back to work too. Part of me is looking forward to it but part of me isn't!

Have a good weekend all,

Nicola xx

Hi Nicola,

Just a quick reply as I'm preparing for an afternoon in work (still doing a phased return.)

It's taken me more than 6 months to feel ready to go back to work, so take your time.

Listen to your medical team and to your body. Sorry if I sound like a bossy teacher!

Even up to a few months ago, just doing a couple of trips out, wore me out!

Enjoy the spring sunshine and build your strength up.

Take care, Nicola, hugs to you, Jo xx