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I smoke, I drink, I have cancer. I deserve no support

goldielocks
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Ok, so I have been in and out of this site for 2 years now. But I have never heard anyone talk about smoking, sometimes about drinking, but that all seems okay. Do you know, I have had so much support from people on this site and I hope I have returned it to others in some small way, but never have I had a discussion or seen a discussion about smoking on this site. I fear I will alienate those who have supported me or feel that I have betrayed those I have tried to support I guess. I'm not a tramp (although it wouldn't matter if I was), I'm a successful well paid manager. I have or had cancer for the last 2 years and I smoke and I drink. There it is. I don't need to hear that it's bad, because I know it is. When I was diagnosed, I did give up (both), but when I started to get better, I started again. For me, I just wanted to feel normal again, the old me, not the new cancer victim me. I'm sorry to those that fight this and I continue to press that self destruction button. Obviously I'm not that sorry because I continue to do it. I'm sure this entry will inspire some antagonism or self help support, I just want to tell the truth. I'm sorry. Julie xxx

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    Hi Julie I came out of hospital in December with a stoma was really rough for a few weeks but once I was up and about I was practically at the pub most days smoking etc etc.

    Had a few episodes with a heart rate of 140 plus was on 560mg of panitumumab which was the main cause of that plus freaking myself out didnt help. All my friends would be at the pub all the time so guess this was my way of dealing with it and not knowing how long I had etc etc. Use to have dodgy breathing when I got home and actually thought it was game over a couple of times.

    Ive not been pub now for 9 weeks. Ill have the odd shandy but the more I drink the more my stoma bag is like a bag of fluid.

    I also had horrific grown pain which would move to the top of my hips. Turns out that was down to too much yeast. Ive obviously finally got it into my head that there's enough going on in my liver so I need to be a bit more sensible.

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