Is she lying about cancer?

Hi everyone. I need some advice. My brothers partner has told him she has breast cancer but I strongly have my doubts. I appreciate this is something that no sane person would lie about but as you can appreciate my doubts are there for a reason.

 

it started with constant guilt tripping when he was away from her saying she was ill and he needs to go to hers due to this. She said she had IV chemo every week but would drive herself to and from, no bruise marks for the cannula. She handed in her notice at work as soon as the managers applied pressure to retrieve her doctors note and says she has not evidence to supply as the doctors didn’t give any. She drinks and smokes excessively. She’s dyed her hair, no signs of it falling out. She refuses to let him discuss it with any family member of hers. She said they had to put a hold on the chemo due to a form of bone disease she has. It’s now resumed and said they can’t get a vein through her arms so they do the IV chemotherapy through her foot. She’s now said that the chemo has been reduced to 1 session per month as she’s getting better. She refuses to let him go with her and said she has specifically booked in for the day of the week he works away so it doesn’t burden him. When he insists on going, she shuts him down and says no however wants his attention in all forms elsewhere. 

 

I may may be looking into this significantly but my gut is telling me it’s a lie to get his undivided attention.

 

what are people’s thoughts on this? I’m sorry to have posted such a topic as I genuinely would hate to believe somebody could lie about this but my brother puts a lot of pressure on himself and guilt constantly and I’m worried about his mental health. 

  • Well there you go. I take it all back! In fairness I have yet to start my chemo so although I’ve had tons of info I have yet to experience the joys first hand. :-D

     

  • mine wasn’t breast cancer but I had a close shave with a needle to the foot and I hated them enough in the hand haha 

  • Hi.

    I am aware of a former colleague who also alleged to have cancer, but very similar to above lots of irregularities in her story. This colleague also had a history of “fake “ stories. It transpired that she’d had a “scare” and embellished the story for attention. It upset so many of us who had tried to support her.

    Whatever the facts are, either way she needs support.

    It does seem odd that she would resign from work, as most employers would be supportive of anyone going through treatment. Even if she felt under pressure to resign she could later argue for constructive dismissal.

    has she mentioned any surgery, lumpectomy or mastectomy? 

    Not sure about the getting better either. Whilst everything is closely monitored via bloods etc, and you can be told you are responding well, I’ve never heard of someone being to,d they are getting better and can reduce treatment half way through.That said, I am no expert.

    I think all you can really do is see what the next few weeks/months bring, and be there to support them both as needed.

  • Hi, I worked with someone some 20 years ago who had a fairly new girlfriend who said she had cancer, she also would not let him attend appointments and some of what she was saying just did not sound right (I had lost my mum to cancer so had been through it). I expressed my concerns to him as a friend but he would not listen.

    He then went on to marry her, I reluctantly attended, hoping I was wrong. It wasn’t too long before he found out it had all been a lie, I think because she wanted to marry him, needless to say that ended the marriage.

    so unfortunately there are people like that out there!

  • Hi,

    Strangely your post sounds scarily familiar to my brothers partner, so just wanting a bit more insight into what you did if you have done anything. 

    His partner says she’s in remission then suddenly isn’t, she’s said that’s shes having chemotherapy and radiotherapy every week,the other week she said she was having treatment daily because she was that bad. Constantly having operations where her heart stops multiple times but she’s allowed out on the same day? 

    She doesn’t allow my brother to go with her, but controls all other aspects of his life, stopping him from attending family events and the ones he does get to she rings him constantly, she wait outside his work ringing the work phone over and over again putting it down when it’s not him who answers (this info car from someone he works with who is also concerned about what’s going on). On my birthday she threatened him with ‘you better be back in half an hour or il re-admit myself back into hospital, she was invited to come but didn’t want to, he then just didn’t end up coming. Same again for my mums birthday, he just ends up feeling guilty.. but I’m just not convinced she’s telling the truth. A couple of weeks ago she had an operation (where her heart stopped) radiotherapy and chemotherapy all in the same day but was well enough to leave hospital on that day and wait out side my brothers work place for him to finish. 

     

    Any insight would be great, thank you! 

  •  

    Hi All,

    I just thought that I would interject here to corrorbrate that the foot can be used for canulas.

    I have had a double mastectomy and now have bilateral Lymphoedema. As a result of this I cannot use my arms for any procedure. This means that I have to have my blood pressure taken from my feet, also any bloods that need to be taken, or any injections. The only thing that I couldn't do so far was to have a 24 hour blood pressure monitor fitted.to my foot/leg instead of my arms.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Ive been looking for advice as this has also happened to me although for different reasons dont know if it would be worth folllowing her to find out. My ex partner told me had cancer took out a loan to pay for treatment comes begging for money out of breath and shaves his head then we found out he has a child and partner that he left for. He is saying im evil as i was told he had a month to live at one point his mum said he was lying for years then when the other family came to light said that she did see a letter about cancer years ago which i think shes lying about to cover up now that weve found the other lies?  I dont know what to do to at least make him stop if he is lying? 

  • Hi leebee ...

    Well firstly, we don't pay for treatment, if your in the U K .. in my opinion hestrying to con you ... esp as his own mum says he lies .. ask questions .. which hospital .. what grade and stage is it .. and if he is vague , there's your answer .. and calling you evil .. well says it all really ..

    We don't pay for any treatment ... and if I were you, id stop answering him ... pretty sure I'm right ... he's conning you ...  Chrissie x

  • Thanks yeah every thing is dodgy especially the head shaving as you can tell his heads shaved? Says his eye has to go in a jar in hospital overnight then it just pops back in? Had 1 month to live... 5 years ago, have stopped all contact but am still paying the loans myself now as hes so disgusted in me he says i deserve to struggle have spoke 2  hospital where he said he was they said no record of anyone of that name and dob. Thanks for answering. 

  • Hi everyone,

    Just to follow up - she was lying.

    thank you for all your comments ️