Thank you for your reply i have only just seen this, thanks for your kind words they really mean a lot, my mum had told me and my 4 brothers were not to tell anyone so finding it difficult,  i no people probably wont agree but we've bought CBD oil the legal stuff to help even jusy with her pain.

No wasn't aware of the help of carers coming in I'll speak to my mum's Macmillan nurse.

I'll post any updates we get at the minute were just waiting around. 

Thanks again

Xxx

Hi Elizabeth,

It must be very difficult for you all trying to keep your mum's prognosis a secret. We are certainly always here for you, whether it's information, advice or just a rant you want. Most of us have first hand experience of cancer and, many of us have been through end of life with our loved ones.

I hope that your MacMillan nurse can help in getting carers for your mum and help to ease the burden on you.

There is nothing wrong with using CBD oil, although there is no valid proof that it works. Has your mum had any benefit from it yet? I understand that there is an article about this on this site, but I'm not sure where.

Stay strong.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Kristen,

A very warm welcome to our forum, although I’m sorry to hear why you’ve had to join us. It sounds as if you have had a very rough time in the past year.  You sound like a very mature young lady to have not only coped with the loss of your Grandad, but to have then gone on to raise money in the mud run.

Getting this terminal diagnosis for one’s mam is always devastating, but to have this so soon after your grandad’s passing, must be even more difficult to cope with. I am glad to hear that you have such a good relationship with your step-dad. It can be difficult to discuss how you feel with loved ones, when you know how much they are hurting at the moment.

We are always here for you and, hope that we can help you through this. Most of us have cancer ourselves or are caring for someone with cancer. Many of us have lost loved ones, but we all have experience of it. It is such a cruel disease. You can say anything you want to us. We are here for advice, information or jut as a sounding board. There is nothing that you can say that will shock us, as we’ve heard it all before.

You are welcome to stay on this site, but there is another site called riprap.org, which is aimed at teenagers whose parents have cancer. You might find it useful to be able to talk to others of your age, as I imagine that not many of your school friends will be able to appreciate what you are going through. It’s totally up to you, but some people find that it helps to be on both sites, in order to get the adult and the teenage viewpoints.

Do your teachers know about your mam? If not it would be worth telling them, as they can look out for you and, make allowances where necessary.

This couldn’t have come at a worse time for you as your school work intensifies towards those all-important exams. I know that it’s not easy, but do your best not to let your studies slip with all that is going on at home. Try to make your mum proud by doing really well.

It was bad enough when you thought that your mam had a year left, but days to weeks is quite a difference. She must be failing fast. Talk to her, tell her how much you love her and ask any questions that you may have been holding back. Don’t leave anything left unsaid.  What ages are your younger sisters and, do they know what is happening?

Please keep in touch and, remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

My sister got through breast cancer about 10 years ago. She was diagnosed with having secondary breast cancer 3 years ago and was told she was going to die. She wasn't given a time line and 3 years on we are hoping for the best. This lady Is pretty much one of two people in my family I have left. I don't know where to look for support and I'm devastated. I also feel selfish because it isn't me dying. Am I twisted?

Hi John,

Welcome to Cancer Chat.

I am so sorry to hear about your sister's secondary cancer diagnosis. No it is not unusual to be grateful that  you are not the one who is going to die. This is a terrible diagnosis for a horrible disease.

There are a number of places you can go for support and, we are always here for you too. Do you have a Maggie's or The Haven near you? Macmillan can also help. All of these organisations have counsellors to help you get through this. There are also a number of other organisations local to each area. Your sister's care team should be able to point you in the direction of local groups.

Does your sister have someone to support her through her cancer journey. It is important that she has.Is she having any treatment or have her care team told her that there is nothing else that they can try.It is a hard road for both of you and I sincerely hope that you find the strength to see it through.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Hi

I have read your post and just wanted to reach out. I am 25 years old, my mum was diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer in May when I was 24. She was so healthy apart from having bad IBS most of her adult life. She always kept well, didnt drink, exercised and respected her health. She was turned away by numerous doctors before being diagnosed when it was too late. 

Last week we found out it has spread to her liver. Through the whole diagnosis and chemotherapy (3 months) she has been the rock of our family, so brave and positive! Even doing a cancer race for life the week after her diagnosis. She is literally the last person on earth that deserves this.

Because her condition has recently deteriorated, with the news that the cancer has spread, she has gone downhill. She has long a lot of weight as the tumour has taken a lot of space in her stomach she is only able to drink small amounts of meal replacement juice. She feels like she is going to starve. She has always been on the go and very busy, so struggles with not being able to do anything. She is on a pump with anti sickness meds which make her tired, and she has now been given anti anxiety meds with diazepam for her anxiety and restlessness. This is making her even more frustrated as she is so tired, sedated and feels she cant make sense of her own thoughts! 

I know the nurses are amazing, but it seems like shes now constantly sedated even though her brain is fine and she feels she wants to do things her body aches and wont let her. If she doesn't have the meds she feels anxious and panicky. 

I've been off work for 2 months with a broken ankle myself and have spent a lot of time with her however she is struggling with sitting on the sofa all day and I'm not sure what I can suggest for her to do. We have looked through old photos and pressed flowers in the garden for me to keep in the future. 

Can anyone suggest nice things for us to do, or what I should say to the nurses about her feelings? I come from a scientific background and I feel like I've accepted the diagnosis (although I am so angry it was not diagnosed sooner and there was nothing they could do). I understand these things happen in this cruel world! I would just like to be able to help her through things a bit more. She spend a week in a hospice to help her symptoms but didnt really help she came home like a zombie.

Thanks

Louise 

Hi Louise,

Sadly, the more medication we need the more zombefied we become. Both anti-anxiety drugs and painkillers will tend to make her very tired. Have you tried any of the yogurt like puddings in the 'build up' range? Your mum may take to some of these and feel as if she is eating something more substantial. You may find that there are only one or two that she likes, as some don't taste all that great. My mother-in-law found that the vanilla one was best for her.

I am sorry to hear that you have broken your ankle and have been off work for 2 months. Perhaps you will look back on this as a lucky break in years to come, as it has given you the time to spend with your mum when she most needs it. It is hard to find something pleasant to pass the time as her health deteriorates.  Have you tried reading to her, playing cards or scrabble, talking to her, listening to music, watching television with her? You may find that she can only do these pursuits for a very short time before she falls asleep. Some people like to go for drives, but I take it that driving is out with your broken ankle?

If she is not fit enough for any of these, just be there for her. Even if she is sleeping most of the time, her hearing will be the last sense to go, so keep talking to her right up to the end.

I am sorry to hear that the hospice was not a good experience for your mum. This was the same with my mum. I can understand her deterioration, given her diagnosis. Perhaps you need to discuss increasing her anti-anxiety meds to make her feel less depressed?

Do you have any carers coming in to help you with the burden of caring for your mum? If not, it is worth trying to arrange this so that the time you have with her is quality time and not spent in repeated daily chores.

I am thinking of you both and, only wish that I could do something to help you. I am always here if you want to talk. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both getting on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you for your reply.

Unfortunately she can only drink liquids now, I've bought her some meal replacement shakes and even they are too thick.

She had a good day before yesterday and was able to take a whole cup of tea.

Shes always been a very driven and busy lady, working full time all of her life until having me and my brother 2 years apart and going back to work. Horrible that she has been robbed of her well deserved retirement. I have been sitting with her watching TV and chatting, she gets frustrated easily though and always feels like shes wasting her time. I picked flowers from the garden and let her press them inside some books for me to have later. She wanted to write us letters and knit clothes for my babies in the future. She feels she cant make sense or think stright enough to be able to do any of these things.

It would almost be better to take her off all the medication just to let her function for a but of normality. The doctor has said the sickness problem was an obstruction so I dont know if she even needs the sickness medications. We have also taken her for little drives which helps.

My dad is home with her all the time as well as my brother I just live nearby. 

Hi Louise,

When the shakes were too thick, we thinned them down with milk and this worked well. It is so sad that having worked so hard in her working life, she is unable to benefit from and enjoy her retirement.

Do you have nurses coming in to see her regularly and, if so, have they left your mum with an end of life package? This is upsetting for family, but is common practice as the ends draws near. Can her carers not arrange to feed her through a drip? If she has an obstruction, it stands to reason that she won't be able to swallow food. Don't be afraid to ask her care team if she can be drip fed. She must find it very difficult with the feeling that she is going to starve. It is a normal stage at end of life for people to stop eating and then drinking. Her care team will have a better idea of how close to the end she is and, whether or not she would benefit from a drip.

Are there any people that she would like to visit, or that she would like to visit her - if so, perhaps you could arrange this? What a pity that she cannot write letters or do her knitting any longer. You will find that this is not unusual. Concentration and memories reduce and tiredness takes over.

Sorry that none of this is good news, but with your background,I'm sure that you will probably know this already.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx