Hi everyone,

I don't really know what I hope to achieve by posting this, I'm just at a bit of a loss.

In the last week my Dad has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Although it hasn't spread the doctors have said that it is inoperable and, having been asked the direct question, have said that this will kill him. There is also the possibility that there are secondaries on his lungs but these are currently too small to be identified so the results of his lung CT are said to be 'inconclusive'.

I'm really struggling to come to terms with this news. I'm in my early twenties and my youngest brother is just 16. Up until last week my Dad was in good health, this really has come out of nowhere.

I am terrified about what is to come. I can't bear the thought of my Dad in pain and deteriorating. I love him too much to let myself think about it for too long. He is also not coping with the news and is emotionally and psychologically all over the place. I know this is understandable but imagining what he's going through is making me feel so much worse. I'm not sleeping and haven't eaten a proper meal since I heard the news - I just feel constantly sick. I've been to the doctors but only been prescribed something for the short term (three days worth). I am a mess and just don't know what to do or think.

I am also becoming increasing frustrated with my friends who have said things like, 'you're strong/brave' etc. I don't want to be told that I'll be alright and that I'm strong enough to get through this. I want it acknowledged that I'm not strong, that I'm not OK and that I'm really, really struggling. It almost seems as though it's the easy way out for friends to say these things, because it makes it easier for them to imagine I'm OK. Does that make sense?

I don't know who to turn to for support. I don't feel I can burden my mum by showing her how much I'm struggling. She has to look after my siblings and my Dad, and obviously this is huge news for her (she is also in remission from breast cancer, so has lots of additional worries). Like I said, I don't feel supported by my friends - I feel completely alone and just don't know what to do. I can't imagine how I or we as a family are going to cope. It's heartbreaking and terrifying.