Hi

Like some of the others who have posted in response, I  also first posted way back in 2012 (though sometimes it still feels like yesterday. My husband had a terminal diagnosis that year but with good NHS care all the while managing to stay out of hospital, what they called palliative chemotherapy and I suppose his own body's reactions we had a further 3 years as a family. This forum was a major part of my own support network throughout the journey.

Every person has a different journey and experiences are wide-ranging and definitely an emotional rollercoaster.  I am sorry you are both facing such a situation now but if you want to post at any time there are always people here that help and understand. Sending virtual hugs during this difficult time and hope that once  you have more information and a possible treatment plan  you will be able to move forward one day at a time taking all the support you are offered.  I did not realise how much strength I would need or indeed had until we faced theat shocking first news but it helped so much to be able to air my fears here.  Take care.  Jules54

Thankyou for taking the time to reply you are so very kind. I do have m6 family and friends support but when they not here the darkness and worry comes over me . My husband is a very strong willed man he has always been the rock of our family. Even with he's diagnoses he still worrys about everyone else it makes me so sad He worrys most about me he had always been my carer as I have bipolar and anxiety disorder so I really have to find the strength from somewhere knowing that there is kind supportive people like yourself out there is a great comfort to me thanks again m x

Hi again,

I just wanted to say that it is somehow easier (I found) to offload all your worries/thoughts within this forum. I learnt a lot about myself during my hubby's journey with cancer but also welcomed some of the considerate suggestions offered to me. It also helped me in that I did not want to lean on family and friends all the time as they were also having to cope with the news.

I also know something about bipolar, depression and anxiety as my mother suffered all this throughout her life. My Dad was her rock too and when he was diagnosed in old age with prostate cancer I still wonder to this day where she found the strength to not only cope with her own illness but also care for  him. Maybe that taught me a thing or two.  As is often said here, it is a one step at a time process and always ask for support for yourself too.  Jules

Thankyou Jules for your message . It's so difficult my mind is telling me to shut down and go to that dark place . I know I can't do that I have to support my husband it's about him not me . We have been through so much together our kids are grown up so this is suppose to be our time to do what we want it's so unfair he came put of hospital last night I'm so happy to have him home for a minute I felt he's out of hospital he's better but that's not the case he hasn't even got he's treatment plan yet I'm so worried in case they can't give him anything I worry about everything in my life always have done since a child . I feel so guilty doing anything eating drinking watching tv every thing I haven't washed ashed my hair for a week that's distucting I haven't got time to do any of them things it's not fair I just want to carry he's pain I'm so sorry for going on btw your mam was amazing and so very strong to cope with everything I admire her 

Hi

It is good that your husband is home where you can both be side by side.  If he is anything like my hubby he will be very protective of your feelings.  Once you have proper guidance from his medical team and or your gp (if you in the UK maybe even community nurses) it brings things a little bit .  clearer in the mind.

Your go to dark place feel safe. When my Mum was in a good place she would be honest with me (an only child) and whilst when depressed my Dad could  not get her to wash for many days she admitted to hating not being in control.  When my Dad was diagnosed she continued with her own medication, sought support and made my Dad a promise to be there for him.It was probably the  hardest thing for her to manage and I will always be proud of her for that. For 70 of her 93 years she was suffering inside herself and it was my Dad;s illness that changed her. 

My own hubby did not want to talk about his diagnosis too much and insisted that we try to be as normal as possible.  I cried privately (and I  know he did too) and found writing thoughts down helped as it was like I could share them.

I hope you both do not have to wait too long before there is information in place to help you take those little steps.  Jules  

Hi sorry for jumping on your posts, but I am too in a similar situation, my partner was diagnosed with tonsil cancer in March 2020, he underwent daily radio and chemo which they said went well, however after a couple of months recuperating and the last scan, we are now shocked to be told he has a small lung met but also skull based tumour ! We are devastated as he really suffered with last treatment and was just at the point of eating a small a meal. He is having chemo with a hope to

prolong things but as far as he knows he is hoping it will disappear. He is in 2nd week of chemo and already has a very sore mouth etc so back to not solids. 
 

my head is in mess and I also suffer

anxiety issues, having to keep upbeat and positive for him and look after our 6 year old twins. Crying myself to sleep some Nights then not sleeping due to worry. 
I am anxious about the coming months and results.

we are not married and hope to have a small registry office. But he feels upset and sad every day. 
my mum died young of a brain tumour and my dad a few years back so really thought it wouldn't happen again to watch someone suffer. Makes me so angry and sad.

sorry for joining message but wanted to say you are

not alone on this journey and feel free to pm me.  
we can go through this together x

Hi, 

No problem with popping onto other posts as it is all shared experiences which can help get through some challenging times.  Chemo caused my husband quite a few issues and eating solids was definitely one of them.  He eventually went on to food/milk shakes to get the calories into him in any way we could . I felt sad having to sit and eat normal food whilst he faced the struggle of just getting anything to stay down let alone enjoy the 'mush'.  As he had palliative chemo we  hoped  it would give him longer with the family and he did see our second grandchild born which was a bonus at the time.  

As I have commented to others over the years (and was advice I myself was given when I joined this forum) just treat each hour/day as baby steps and talk on here as and when you need to offload. Regards. Jules54