I am in the same situation right now, you letter is beautiful written and mirrors my exact situation. I am sat outside the hospital writing this and my husband inside  He to looked well a few months ago, doing jobs around the house  Then he started with the excruciating pain and we thought he would be in and out of hospital pretty quickly and comfortable  He then had another ct scan and they told us tumours had grown a lot and were pressing on nerves  Treatment wasn't working anymore and there was no more treatment  Was told that on Monday now he's not eating or drinking or talking and has become very agitated, I thought we had time  

My heart goes out to you.  On the 29th of this month, it will be 2 years since my husband died, but I still remember those last days in hospital so vividly.  My husband also stopped eating and drinking and became very agitated.  All you can do is to be there for him, hold his hand, talk to him because I’m sure he knows you are there and will take comfort from your voice and your touch.  

My thoughts are with you knowing exactly what you’re going through and how you’re feeling, so desperately sorry for your pain and sending you a big hug x

Hello Tiddlywinkle

Your letter is heartbreakingly beautiful.  Your articulate thoughts and feelings that must be felt by so many.  I felt exactly the same, the only differnce is my husband died at home and we had 16 months to get "used" to the idea. But now I am 13 days a widow (25/11/18) and yesterday I started a letter to my husband telling him all about the last few days of his life (he was only conscientious for some of the time) and what I've done since he died.  It really helps me and I'm going to keep it up

But, i wonder, 2 years on, how are you doing?  And if you could give me one piece of advice about the next 2 years of my life, what would it be?  (Sorry to put you on the spot)

Ruth x

Dear Ruth,

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you.  

Two years on, I’m not doing too badly thank you.  I’ve found that grieving is a personal and completely individual process, everyone deals with it very differently, and the so called ‘stages’ of grief are in no particular order - and you don’t necessarily go through them all.  For example, I have never felt angry at my husband for dying but I was told that I would feel this! 

I miss my husband terribly, I still cry sometimes, though not as much and I feel quite sad a lot of the time.  I don’t think I will ever stop grieving the loss of him, but I will say that I have learnt to cope with and live with it - that feeling of loss and sadness is part of me and I’m able to carry it inside me without letting it overwhelm me or control me.

My advice to you is to take comfort from whatever helps, regardless of what anyone else thinks.  I continued to write to my husband regularly for the first year after he passed and it helped me enormously, I still do now, but only on special, significant days like anniversaries etc.  Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve and time to treasure memories.  Also the best advice I was given was not to make any big decisions about anything in the first year that you might regret later.

Hope I haven’t rambled on too much and that this might help the tiniest bit.  Please feel free to message me again if you need an ear.

With very best wishes at what I know is a very difficult time x