Afternoon Ian,

How come we end up working harder when we don't get paid for it.  Barnes is a nice area to have moved to; used to have friends that way until they moved further out.  You made me smile with your reference to IKEA -  I have never been inside though both the children swear by it when buying for the home - is it a generation thing do you think?

Have just heard from my daughter that her eldest who so enjoyed his party yesterday now has a double ear infection so feeling pretty miserable.  Very pleased it did not spoil his birthday and he has some new presents to keep him amused.  He will be back at school tomorrow as the medicine should help fingers crossed.  Has to go back to be checked on in two weeks as he may also have to be treated for glue ear and need grommets!  Hey ho.

Hubby coped reasonably well with the busy weekend, just needed a longer lie in, in the mornings.  We also have a busy social calendar next weekend but are trying to make the most of it.  Glad you have options for Christmas and I am sure you will choose the one you will feel most comfortable with.  I have just been told I am not required to work on Boxing Day so will have a 5 day break this year - 3 of them away and 2 at home which is really great.  I have offered to work Christmas Eve (my usual day off) and he will let me know if its necessary nearer the time - will depend how busy we get I expect.  Today was like everyone was buying their stamps as every other customer seemed to want them from us rather than queuing in the Post Office!!

Off to visit Mum tomorrow and need to take her some 'pocket money' down as she has run up £4 in debt!!!  Also taking down the shopping I have bought on her behalf so she can give it her seal of approval (hopefully)..  Have a good week, peaceful thoughts and virtual hugs. Jules x

Hi Jules,

Sounds as if your weekend was a success ~ albeit the birthday boy needs some after care!  ... And such a clear run of home for X-mass will be fantastic for you which I'm sure you will enjoy..... Then Mums ....who'd have em !!  Yours sounds as if she is a real liability, in the nicest way.

Yes IKEA, less said the better.  My late wife loved the place and often went with the kids leaving me at home! On one occasion when the kids were young we went and I fell asleep on one of the sofas!! .... only to be woken up and collected some time later when the shopping was finished! ~ happy days....  I'm out a lot this week which should be good.  I will be picked up by two female friends tonight and taken out .  These were the ladies who were going to teach me to cook but eventually decided to leave it ~ they could see they were really onto a lost cause ~ and so we go out for dinner instead!!  Then I'm out with some other friends to dinner then the cinema tomorrow; lunch out on Sunday and I've tickets (through a friend whose a season ticket holder) to take my daughter Jo to see football on Saturday (Brighton & Hove A. Vs Leicester).... This should all keep me gainfully busy while I still search for some real direction.  The problem is I've always been a driven person and find it hard to stop!

Have a super week Jules

Lots of virtual kisses

Ian x

Hi.

What do you call someone without their soul-mate? Soul-less maybe or perhaps semi-soul-less?.... either way with all the excitement of X-mass around me, I feel a little and somewhat empty, if I'm honest!

Kind X-mass thoughts

Ian xx

Hi Ian

Bless you, its hard enough losing your most loved other half and grieving is such a long process but just think everything is heightened at this time of year and that emptiness is very sad. You will also be approaching the anniversary of Debbie's death (so many heartbreaking firsts to get through) and understandably remembering that although very ill your wife was with you last Christmas. am sure your children are feeling equally lost without her physical presence and holding the memories in your heart is no compensation I know.  Wish I could offer more comforting words (though being realistic these would make little difference to your emotional wellbeing).  Please know that I am happy to listen/read any time you need to offload your thoughts and feelings and hope that somewhere along the way of this journey you may find some inner peace.Virtual hugs. Jules xx

Thanks Jules,

I was just having a moment:  It's horrible at times to be with out her.  I survive for the most part but when I remember what it was like ~ it's truly horrible without: just horrible!

Lots of thanks for listening

Virtual hugs

Ian xx

Dear All,

I hope New People to this site are not missing the link on the first entry to my late wife's up-beat 'Thoughts ....' accessible via that link, as they are there for anyone who can benefit from them ...

Kindest thoughts

Ian x

Hi Ian

Hope you doing okay.  Have to say I am sure many people will still be benefitting from Debbies wise words including me.  Sadly today I have just received news that a friend of 32 years has finally been told that no more can be done for her and that he cancer has spread further with latest scans showing she may be not make Christmas.  Her youngest son (she has 3) is flying back from Australia asap and I have offered an extra pair of hands if needed.  At the moment just feel so useless (its not helped hubby's mindset either).  Sorry to be a misery.   Take care. Jules x

Hi Jules,

So sorry to learn of your friend's plight!  There is just no letting up of the misery this disease causes .  I will keep my fingers crossed on her holding out ~ with as little discomfort as possible ~ till her son returns....

I am off to watch Brighton play today, which is good (keep me busy), and I'm taking my daughter with me.  She needs cheering up as her car failed it's MOT yesterday afternoon which took the excitement out of her day having appeared in the morning (at 11.59) on ITV's 'This Morning' with her cat ~ Milly!  Yet her issues and concerns are minor in comparison to those here.

I hope your weekend, Jules, brings you some Xmas cheer.

Virtual hugs and kisses

Ian xx

Hi Ian

Thanks so much for your supportive words; so much appreciated.  My friend has been a real fighter and her attitude has not changed despite this rotten outcome to years of treatments.  They have decorated the house ready for Christmas and will, if needs be, bring Christmas early and as have written on my own thread, she is celebrating the fact she can have a 'real' drink now.  Just very inspirational.  Her youngest son is my Godson and he was only 3 when she was first diagnosed (now in his 20's and had been working in Australia the last couple of years).  He was home in July for his birthday and they Skype every day but I know they will be happier when he is home and the whole family can be together (support network has always worked well and I am only 10 mins walk away if required).

Enjoy the footie and can well imagine your daughter needing a hug following the MOT failure. Fingers crossed the problem can be easily fixed and not too expensive!!  Why do these things happen at the most expensive time of year .

Spent the evening out with my daughter as planned (she grew up playing with my friend's eldest son as they were born only 12 days apart!!) and as they say you just have to cope and get on with things - just wish the off switch could work a bit better but hey ho!!

Take care are hugs and kisses gratefully received and reciprocated.  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Your first paragraph above describes 'us' last year: Debbie helped decorate before leaving home for her very last time two days before last Xmas!  Reading it sounded so familiar and yet equally shocking!

Any way, on a positive note, the match today was really good ~ excellent.  It was nice to be transported elsewhere for the afternoon.  Although, the reality when I'm back home doesn't fail to remind me that with all this coping and reasoning it all through, one fact remains the same: I can't have her back!

Lots of kind thoughts

Ian xx