Hi Ian

As far as cooking goes I dont think you ever stop learning!! (and its my pet hate).  Have a lovely evening and hope you enjoy the show- whats on?

I thinks its lovely that you are entertaining friends and enjoying a sociable weekend. Obviously another new 'alone' step but if you ask me you are learning a lot along the way and that is rewarding in its own way.  I am already envying you the pub lunch tomorrow.

We had my daughter and grandson this morning so did manage a sit down (having been out at the crack of sparrow to do the washing) and a chat whilst hubby did the weekly shop (with the little helper).  They left mid afternoon and I now have a pile of ironing looking at me but think it can wait till tomorrow!!

Have a peaceful week. Jules xx

Hi Jules,

It all went roughly to plan over the weekend.  My friends have a similar situ to yours with your mother, with his mother!  Very frustrating for them...as with you.  Their situation is very different and may involve her moving in with them!!

What I can offer new is that I had the beginnings of what might have become a bit of a relationship - but hasn't.  However, by opening the lid a little (momentarily) on the 'relationship box' I did like what I saw inside: it might be something for me in the future.

Kind regards on a good week for you.

Ian x

Hi Ian

Think they call it 'testing the water' amd am sure it helps with confidence in the new future you are facing so I think you can put another tick in a box.

I sympathise with your friends situation but so many seem to be facing this extra stress as our population becomes older.  Seems there are no simple answers just lots of red tape.  As my Mum has chosen to use what savings she has to self fund (probably for another year) our stress in this area is postponed but I am sad to say living with us would never be an option.

Hope you have a happy week. Take care. Jules xx

Thanks for the supportive words Jules.

Yes, I suppose I am 'testing the water' - and I realise it can be quite nice and soothing to.  The problem is, it is harder with age to move forward into this New World, as we are so much more complex as people.  I came to understand this more than ever after Debbie died and was putting her: 'Thoughts on the Dying Process' publication together.  I thought I new and understood her well.... and I did .... but I found the depth and intensity of her personality, and her integrity, was far greater than I had really been aware of.  We worked well as a marriage and just got on with life: so much was just accepted within it, without too much analysis.

Kind thoughts, your virtual friend,

Ian  xx

Hi Ian,

I must admit to being guilty of analysing things a little too much for my own good and then in turn worrying about my way of thinking - vicious circles come to mind.  Like you have said whilst in a good stable marriage we just jog along (actually still doing this ourselves - though the jogging has become ambling).  Hubby has  now been forced into early retirement and not too  happy at present but hopefully after period of adjustment to this 'new set of circumstances' (which he is honest in admitting we knew would arrive sooner rather than later) we can make the  most of this valuable time (who knows how long this will be; its like not knowing how long is a ball of string till you have used it all up!!).  We do at least have the wonderful thought of a new life coming with our daughter's new baby due within a week or two, fingers crossed.  Hubby and I are on standby to do the school run for our grandson if she has to go in!!

Virtual friends, yourself included, are certainly helping me to cope with our situation so many thanks (and yes I am still referring to Debbies inspirational writings too).

Hope you have a good week.  Regards Jules x

Hi Jules,

Wet windy weather here!  Just been out on the cliffs (west of Beachy Head) with Jack (my dog) and some friends..... and glad to be back home now with a cuppa!

Yes, you have the new life to look forward to, but also remember to enjoy the planning and saviour the new life you and your Hubby have also to look forward to in his retirement, with time together - even if restricted - to do some things (however large or small) together while you can.  Or like Deb and I decided: to live to the full how you would have lived; even if the elephant wasn't in the room.

Virtual hug

Ian xx

Morning Ian,

Can well imagine you and the Jack being blown along.  Weather in Middlesex was pretty grotty too though the temperatures are still good!  Today is pretty cloudy but warm so once I have sorted breakfast for the other half (had mine over 2hrs ago!!!)  I plan on a trip to local shops and then have my bird feeding station to sort out (went and got all the new food yesterday so am expecting my feathered friends to be singing louder tomorrow!!!).

Thanks again for your words of encouragement for the 'retirement' phase. Your thoughts echo mine though hubby still miserable at not being able to work (even planning on visiting them next week!!) and I now understand why he always said he would prefer to 'die in harness' (before he was diagnosed).  He has told me to 'carry on with what I want to do' so I am doing my best on a day to day basis but its quite a strange feeling (not a new one sadly) that he has no interest in making the most of life whilst he still has the opportunity. Luckily he puts on a front when the kids visit as I would not like them to feel like I do at times.

Onwards and upwards as they say. Have a good weekend. Virtual hugs returned.  Take care. Jules x

Hi Jules et al,

Whilst I am making such good progress, yet, still I cry for the life you my dearest wife are missing and should have been sharing with me!!

Just a moment: a sad one.

Ian

PS Its okay, I'm back to the New normal again .... funny thing bereavement!

Bless you Ian,

It's one of those topsy turvey emotional moments. Can take you by surprise and somehow you manage to bounce back into that new life you are working on.

  Sending a virtual hug and hope you are enjoying the pleasant weather for this time of year.  I have managed to mow the lawn this afternoon and it was lovely and warm in the sun (in fact warmer outside than indoors at present).   Hubby is supposed to be going fishing with our son on Thursday so hope the nice spell holds as don't think he will fancy it so much in the rain!!

Have a good week. Jules x

Hi Jules

Fingers crossed for Thursday (may need to do toes as well re the forecast)!

I'm having a busy week with lots of work related issues to sort, but fitting-in seeing people too....making it more busy but fun!

What I've realised today is how happy we were as a couple, without realising actually how good it was.  So often those little niggles that creep into relationships over time, prevent the relationship's real beauty from shining out to us.  Our thoughts and actions can so often get channeled down un-productive routes forgetting the wonder that's there for the taking....

More kind thoughts

Ian xx