Some cancers I truly believe can been there with you from the beginning working away in the back ground so slow. I was not always an anxious person, I would say Confident as a Child , teen and young adult, when I was 9 years of age. My parents Brought a Guest house at seaside . There I was waiting on the tables “ would you like tea or coffee,” I would show people to their rooms . I would say that’s confident for a 9 , 10 , 11 years old. When I was 18 I went to college. I was doing My NVQ in retail I was on a 2 days a Week Placement in a shop . I also wanted to work with animals so I had a 2 days a week placement at a animal sanctuary. Then one day in college. At the weekend i worked for a friend of my mums hotel. Then I met a boy like you do ,he lived in cumbria so off I would go on the train. Changing three times .thats very confident all of that I would say. From the age of 7 I had been getting Cystitis. Maybe at first 3 or 4 times a year: then at 18 coming back from visiting cumbria I felt poorly when I got home I went to bed the doctor was called in the night I was told it was a urinary tract and kidney infection. From then on I would get them once every 2 months and it would put me to bed . When I was 20 I was Carnival queen ,I would cut ribbons . Judge competitions .21 I run my own retail shop for 2 years. Then it all started to go wrong. I lost a baby. I was told I had M.E . I couldn’t walk down the street on my own for having a Panic attack .i had my own place by then . I was in pain . Tired all the time , Anxious . I would constantly be Chewing gum and eating mints . I thought it was anxiously . Now I know it was because I was feeling sick , I would be sick some times . I was always skinny so I didn’t notices losing weight. I was always at the doctors, urinary tract infection again and again. I had a camera put in my Bladder they said it didn’t empty so in the morning and night I had to self catheterise , then I found a lump under my arm. They said it was from shaving. They eventually found a 6cm Tumour in my Kidney. It had already Gone in my breast . Just before that I was having problems with my Teeth and jaw . The dentist has said I had something called TMJ . I had been prescribed Tablets for Acid reflux , dizziness and I was going from constipation and diarrhoea weekly. The doctors because I was skinny said they thought I was miss using Laxatives and stop prescribing them , I now know that the M.E or fibromyalgia was masking the symptoms , I found it hard to walk up and down stairs. My hip would pop out . I had pains in my feet . I was given a walking Stick and eventually a wheelchair , it was cancer all along , at times i was asked if I did drugs Because I see it now with other cancer patients they all have this look in their eyes. All the time from a child I’ve struggled to sleep , I understand that the kidneys produce lots of chemicals in the body as mine was broken , they was causing the anxiety insomnia, confusion , anger, mood swings , I don’t feel like I ever got a fair go at life Because of it . Pushed people away with my moods , I never got married or had children, my dream was to live in the countryside with 2 children: cats , dogs , grow my own vegetables . I was always in old cars : I wanted a split screen VW campervan and an old land Rover But no cancer took it all from me because I started.
