I lost my wife to cancer recently and I have never felt so alone. I am experiencing all kinds of extreme emotions from grief to guilt. I really want to connect and talk to others who have been through this terrible period.
Yes Richard, life is cruel, unfair. I used to be a strong extrovert person now turned vulnerable, hypersensitive, crying woman. I don't look forward, my days just drags. Going back to work help me a bit as I have really supportive friends and colleagues. Yet emptiness, sadnesses always lingers deep inside my heart. Feels like it's a lifetime punishment.
Hope your journey will be peaceful though at the moment you might find difficult, the pain you're going through is too raw. When I went to Scotland only 55 minutes from Heathrow still I was bit agitated because all I could think is my son. I use to travel a lot not any more. I don't see any meaning, happiness. It's a beautiful idea travelling Holy places in India to light the candles. Treasure the memories of your lovely wife.
Thats very kind of you. My Sunny use to travel a lot like me. Iceland was his best. I've got Sunny’s loads of photos and videos taken wherever he traveled and he was writing food journal as well. Hopefully one day I will travel to Iceland and visit the places he's been, as he had a plan to visit again unfortunately he's taken away so soon. I will cherish his memories and keep him alive in my heart.
Hopefully one day I will be able to look at all the pictures and videos of Rossella but for right now it is too hard to face.
Yes Iceland is magical - I travelled there some years ago and always meant to go back as there was so much I didn't see. It was definitely one of my favourite places - beautiful and unique.
I have been doing school work with the 9 year old keeps me busy and I no that will make my wife happy . Every day I feel worse morning are sooo hard now ! I really am broken At the moment I'm walking In the woods with the boys in the rain.
This morning I was also broken - crying for much of it.
Rossella is appearing in my dreams now so even sleep is not an escape. I was with her in the dream and I hugged her - she seemed surprised, smiled and said, 'what's up'. Then I woke up and back to this reality.
Really torturing myself this morning.
I seem to try to replay decisions and actions as if I was the 'perfect' human being - but the truth is we are not perfect. My mind is punishing me for not being perfect I think.
I will go for a walk in the country tomorrow - another dream I had a few days ago with Rossella. I took it to mean she wanted me to go there.
Definitely taking good care of your children will make your wife very very happy and proud!
