My husband died 29 Nov 2019 and it feels like yesterday. We had been together over 40years and I can't live without him. Every night I hope I won't wake up the next day.  I wander from room to room, the house is just that, it isn't a home anymore, an empty shell just like me. We did everything together, we didn't need anyone else, he was funny and kind and such a good person much better than me. I miss him so much and think about him all the time, every second of every day. He was 59 and we had so many plans for the future because he always looked forward never back, now that is all I do, relive the things we did, the memories over and over again. People say 'how are you' I smile and say fine, because I know they don't want to really hear I'm in bits, my heart is broken and I don't feel anything anymore. I went back to work today, we both looked forward to retirement, to do all things we were going to do, we couldn't wait, we thought people were mad to work if they didn't have to, but here I am going back to a job I don't want to do, just to break up the days, but then coming home to an empty house, no one to talk to about your day, to cook a meal for one, to watch tele alone, then switch the lights off and be glad another day is over and counting down. I put the pillows next to me and move my arm backwards and forwards slowly like he was lying next to me breathing and I try so hard to beleive his is. I just want him to come home