ive never written anything online before and after reading a few posts on this site I feel I want to share my feelings... I lost my mum just over 3 months ago, the build up to her death was one of the most horrific things I’ve ever gone through. Her strength through 3 separate battles with this cruel disease was breath taking and a strength I know I haven’t inherited, when I asked “how am I going to cope” my mums reply was “ cry your tears and get on with it”
The fight to get palliative care towards the end of her life nearly broke me, I was cutting through red tape daily and trying to fulfil her wish of being at home in the last days, she was failed by the system and any help we got was to little to late and the wrong package...she needed hospice at home care, she got meals on wheels and a carer once a day who couldn’t even help lift her bed position because of health and safety ... I had to do personal things that a son should never have to do for his mother, the indignity on both parts was not how her last days should of been spent... even though I would do anything for her. Her last days were spent in hospital after complications occurred... I feel like I failed her last wishes of life, and now after her passing I’m surrounded by the life memories left behind and more legal processes to sort out, when all I want to do is curl up and cry... I made a promise to her I wouldn’t fall apart and I would live the life she gave me, but those are easy words to say, but harder words to honour...I can’t believe how many emotions are smashing their way into my life, her funeral is a blur, I as most people who are writing their stories feel broken, I used to be the go to guy when people were upset and now I have close to zero tolerance for any negative news because grief has claimed my heart... anyway I could write a book of sadness here so I’ll conclude.. thank you for reading
