Hello, my sister died 3 years ago of cervical cancer. She was 36 years old and had three children aged between 3 - 11. My mum has been grieving ever since, but it seems to be getting a lot worse. 

She blames my sisters partner for her death, she never goes to see my sisters grave and she never talks about my sister or the kids and doesn’t see the kids. My dad does his best.. goes and see’s the kids, my sisters grave and tries to help my Mum - but she thinks that everything he does is wrong. She thinks that because he speaks to my sisters partner and has thrown himself into his hobby that he doesn’t care. It’s almost as though she thinks he should be sitting in a dark room and crying. I live away from our home town but try my best to go back as much as possible.

In the last couple of months I have had text messages from several family members saying they have received unkind text messages from my Mum because they have invited my sisters partner to family gatherings (mainly for the kids to be invited), my sisters partner has had to block her number due to abusive messages she has sent him. I had my Dad call me the other day at midnight and he was sat in a a car park as he couldn’t go home because my Mum had totally lost it and was throwing stuff around the kitchen and shouting how horrible he is. Anyone who knows my Dad, would say that he’s the nicest, quietest man they know. 

After talking with my Dad we thought it would be a good idea to invite my Mum up to where I live for the night so she could get away and we could go out for dinner and we could have a chat and hopefully maybe me addressing some of the above... might help a little bit. So I’ve invited her up and her first thought was that my Dad and I her conspiring against her in some fashion. She’s coming up this weekend and to say I’m worried and nervous is an understatement. 

Does anyone have any advice on how I should go about talking to my Mum about this?

Any help and adivce or any do’s and don’ts Would be really appreciated. 

Thank you.