Hi all,
My poor Dad passed away on 26th Feb 2019, almost 3 weeks ago and I am absolutely heartbroken. I feel completely numb and still think hes going to walk through the door.
Dad was diagnosed with Oesophageal cancer in August 2017 after a few months of struggling to swallow (the Drs prescribed gaviscon and treated him for reflux). He had 3 months of chemo to shrink the tumour so that it could be operated on, in October 2017 he contracted sepsis but was better after 8 days, January 2018 he had an operation to remove a third of his stomach and two thirds of his oesophagus.
It took a good few months of recovery but Dad was making plans to go back to work...UNTIL he went for a routine eye test in April which showed a tumour had grown behind his left eye meaning the cancer had turned secondary. In May 2018 he underwent Radiotherapy, the eye consultant was very happy with how well it had contained the tumour.
In December 2018 a few days after Dads 60th he developed a bad chest infection which turned in to pneumonia, he had a hospital stay and had 3litres of fluid drained from his lungs. He then started getting chronic back pain, a CT scan showed the cancer had now spread to his lung and liver.
Dad endured a 2 week stay in Hospital, to which was an awful experience, he was coughing up blood, almost choking and thank God Mum or I always stayed with him because he would have been left to choke. We were told he had weeks to live so he was transferred to a local hospice who were amazing for his final 6 days.
Anticipatory grief is awful in itself but nothing can prepare you for when it happens, Dad took his final breaths on the 26th Feb and it feels like half of my heart has gone with him, I feel so empty and numb and can only imagine this feeling intensifying as the weeks go on.
I am 31 weeks pregnant, all Dad wanted was to meet his unborn Grandson. I'm so heartbroken and feel sick to think that hes never going to get that moment with him.
As much as I am sad and overwhelmed with all the feelings of losing my Dad, I am so proud of him, he fought right to the end and battled one of the hardest battles anyone has to face. I'll never ever get the image out of my head of him deteriorating so quickly in his final days but I'm so lucky to have the best memories with him and hope that one day that's what I can think about.
Sorry this is such a long post, it feels good to write everything down and vent.
If anyone is going through anything similar, please get in touch. It's nice to know you are not alone, having cancer and losing someone from cancer is very isolating, people do not know what to say and end up ignoring you completely.
