Hi Sheila

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you today. Hope the funeral went well.

Big hugs

Jeannie x

I’m so sorry for your loss. He sounded like a great man who made you and family members very happy and was surrounded by love. I wish you the best. Prayers to you and your family as you go through this grieving process.

Thanks Jeannie, the funeral last Thursday was lovely, just as Dave would have liked. It hasn't given me closure or made things any easier. I'm finding life without Dave unbearable and absolutely pointless. I know you're struggling too Jeannie. It's so hard to understand what's happened, it's still unbelievable to me. I've just replied to a post from Simon, I see you have too. I really feel his pain. There are so many sad people on this site. I wish I had a magic wand for us all. Take care Jeannie, sending you hugs. Sheila.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.  I am very familiar with the feelings you describe.  That feeling of not wanting to see anyone except close family.  How odd it was that life just continued on, but I felt like mine had stopped.  So many folks want to bring you comfort and to say the right thing, but they can't seem to find the right words.  I am struggling to say the very thing that will bring you comfort, but perhaps some encouragement will suffice for now.

I lost my wife Janet to uterine cancer almost 16 years ago.  The feelings you are describing seem so familiar to what I experienced.  I could not conceive of having any happiness in my life again.  I will say this:  Time does heal and it leaves you with all the "good stuff" about your beloved. 

As you move through the grieving process, just realize that it is impossible to screw it up.  What you feel at any given time as you move through the process is normal for you.  It takes as long as it takes.  Don't let anyone force you through it.  You will know when to push and challenge yourself.

As the grieving process works its magic, you will experience joy and happiness again in your life.  It starts out as a glimmer, and will build to the point where you realize that overall,you are enjoying life again.  You will once again want to do the things you enjoyed before and you might even find you are brave enough to do things that you and your husband did together.  For example,you might take yourself to a restaurant you enjoyed together (when you are ready, of course.)  These little challenges, when taken on, will become victories that help you move through grieving and become stronger.  And there is no time limit - do these things when you are ready.

I wish you all the best.  A book, "Hello from Heaven" provided me with much comfort in the days after my wife died.

Bill

Dear smt353

How brilliant you are to be able to write this, at this time,  Condolences and best wishes for your future

Hi Jeannie, just wondering how you're coping. Our husbands died within a week of each other, so I'm sure we've got a lot of feelings in common. It's early days for me that's for sure. Some days I'm a little better, but others, like yesterday are spent crying. I'm learning to be easier on myself and do only what I want to. Your messages to me were so kind and understanding that I just wanted to ask how you're doing. Take care Jeannie.

Hi Sheila

Thank you for your message. I have sent you a message in private last night - just want to make sure you've not missed it. In any case, I want you to know I am thinking of you. I have been keeping myself busy with work, but still struggling, and as you've said, it is still early days for us.

I hope in time, you will find that the days spent crying will get lesser and at the same time, days (or hours even!) spent not crying will stretch longer without you realizing it.

Please do message me if you need to share your feelings or indeed a virtual shoulder to cry on.

Big hugs 

Jeannie x

Hi Bill, sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your very wise post. The truth is I've simply been very sad and found it hard to read the posts on this site. Cancer is so cruel and there is so much sadness on the site. It's just over 9 weeks since Dave died and I am very slowly coming to terms with my new situation. It's a totally alien situation for me as Dave and I did everything together during our 44 year marriage. I read your post with real interest especially when you wrote about achieving small victories. Thanks again Bill for taking the time to reply. Look after yourself. Sheila

Sheila - You WILL find happiness in your life again and Dave will be applauding!  All the best.  Bill