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My dad died

Griefstruck
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a few days ago my father died from lung cancer and I feel like ive lost my best friend. It hurts. I can't believe I'm never going to se him again and it all feels so unbearable. He was only diagnosed a few months ago and so his decline was very quick and having decided to be there when he died it has now traumatised me - I saw his last breathes and I can't stop thinking about how he looked, how he didn't look like dad. I don't know how I'll live without him. 

  • Offline in reply to bestdadever

     

    Hi,

    I'm sure that you will find the strength tomorrow. We seem to survive on Adrenaline at times like this.

    Will be thinking of you.

    Jolamine xx

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    I feel your pain my lovely.. my dad passed away on Wednesday and my heart feels so broken the pain is unbearable.. I cant bear to think of never seeing him again so I am drawing him like I did when he was here and keeping him alive in that way. I am finding signs in nature and clinging on to the feeling that he is still with me. Sending you so much love and strength.. I'm here if you ever want to chat. X[[ ]]

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    Hello there firstly I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine your heartache! I also lost my dad, 4 months ago to lung cancer. He was ill for some time but went into hospital thinking it was a chest infection. Turned out it was much worst. Lung cancer, which had already spread to his throat and lymph notes. My dad was my mum, my best friend and my dad all in one. I loved him so so much couldn't believe it. And still now to this day it angers me as of why did it have to me cancer to take him from me. Why did he have to go. To be honest. I've not come to terms with it now 4 months on and I don't think I ever will. It's just something we learn to adjust with but life never stays the same again. I'm only 20 and he was on 59! No age. Our dads shouldn't of been taken from us. But sadly we lost them. I'm so sorry about your dad. If ever you'd like to inbox me for a chat your more than welcome to. It's hard to come to terms with this anyway maybe someone who's not close to home may help you! Take care xx

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    My dad also died from cancer on this July 30. It was pancreatic adenocarcinoma. I live in England because of my studies. He was diagonised only for 3 months before he died. I was with him till his last moment and he was in coma. I think no one will ever know the feeling of waiting for death like that until someone goes through this phase. He meant everything to me and sometimes in my dreams I go through the trauma of his state. Everyone just says that he is in a better place and u need to move on just after 3 months. But truth to be told , this emptiness never goes away. 

    I hope that u are holding on as well. I pray and hope that may god gives u the strength to move on if it’s possible. 

  • Offline in reply to Nabila

    Hi I just read your post and feel exactly the same my dad died on the 27th of June and it has not got easier I am still struggling without him and don’t think I will ever get through this he was and still is my everything. 

     

    God bless 

     

    Mary 

  • Offline in reply to bestdadever
    Hi. Firstly I would like to offer my sincere condolences to all who have lost someone or going through difficult times. My dad past away on the 10th of November of small cell lung cancer and brain metastatic tumours. My mum and dad live in France and I am finding extremely hard in leaving to go back home to UK. The day he passed away was exactly a day a year ago he was diagnosed and then underwent brain surgery, chemo and radiotherapy. I have been with him every step of the way and I was so determined I wanted to be with him to the end. My dad never spoke about his illness, we never spoke about death, we were always so optimistic and me and my mum never let him think the end was near even when he felt so ill through the chemo . His behaviour changed and he became very tired and moody due to the tumours and medication. He responded well to treatments but then unfortunately in the summer the brain tumour had returned along with 6 others.. He did OK for a few months and then one day he fell, and that was when my dad slowly disappeared before my eyes . We were lucky enough to have the hospital equipment set up at home and nurses tending 4 times a day. He could no longer walk or use the toilet, he became confused and just stopped talking. We managed to feed him for a few weeks until it became impossible . It was like he had been in an accident his eyes would roll around and his arms would be floppy and he would just stare into midair for hours. He slept more and more and a build up on his lungs started to happen which meant alot of coughing and bad breathing. He was put on a syringe driver and within 24 hours he had passed away holding my hand. I will never ever get the image out of my head of my dad, my best friend, my joker, my everything, my phone call every night, my drinking partner had just died in front of me. Im reliving the moment over and over again. I can't stop looking at the calender wishing I could go back to the day before to the week before the year before. He had the house up for sale here in France before he fell ill and I couldn't wait for him to be back in the UK living close by, just the little things like ringing him up and asking for a lift, or having dinner at mine, going to the pub and cinema, I missed out on all of those things and I'm so devastated. Everytime I close my eyes I see him smiling and I get so angry with the world, I want him back more than anything. Everything he loved I loved, everything he did I did, I wanted to be just like him. He was so gentle, truly gentle natured and laid back. He loved life and had so much more to give. I'm 27 and he was only 59, I dreamt the day he would be a grandad. I just can't believe this has happened.
  • Offline in reply to PlanetEarthIsBlue

    Hiya just read your message and cried it is exactly the same as my dad and I am so so sorry for you loss it truly is the most awful thing in the world. What also may me cry is your so young and your dad was too and has made me realise that at 45years I should feel lucky to have had Dad as long as I did but still doesn’t make it any easier. You saying your dad just stared into space for hours my dad did that too and I used to sit and stare at him wondering what was going on in his beautiful mind. It’s  been six months and there isn’t a day I don’t think about him. I wish I could turn back time and have my dad back. I don’t think i will ever be able to move on as he was and still is my world. I hope you and your family are ok at this truly horrible time. What does keep me going is that I know I will see dad again one day 

     

    take care and god bless xxxx

  • Offline in reply to bestdadever

    Hi. Thank you for your kind words, I am still in france with my mum and we are keeping ourselves busy as so much paperwork to do with all that has happened. My sleep is the worse part of my day,  my dreams are full of what ifs and reliving the moment my dad passed. I can't bring myself to look at any pictures or videos of him before he was ill, it breaks me. I wish too, desperately to turn back time. Do you talk to anybody else apart from on here? I'm thinking of maybe joining a group when I get home to the UK to talk to others who have been through it x 

    You and your family are in my thoughts.. Xx

  • Offline in reply to PlanetEarthIsBlue

    Hiya. No I don’t talk to anyone else other than my mum  my brother and sister don’t seem to feel the same as me. I to struggle to look at photos or videos but sometimes just have to even though I cry my eye out. Thankfully I can sleep and feel that is my only escape. I think having watched our lovely Dads die is one of the most traumatic things and I try to stop myself and try to remember him how he was before he bacame I’ll but it’s so very hard.  This time of year doesn’t help as Christmas is supposed to be about family time it breaks my heart. I do think going to a group would help you as your so young and talking to other people that have been through the same thing  may help you feel that how your feeling is normal and your not on your own. I have thought about it but just don’t feel ready for it. Really wish I could give you good advice but don’t know what to do myself

     

    thnijing of you. Take care 

  • Offline in reply to PlanetEarthIsBlue
    Hi, I lost my Dad on the 7th December 2017. I've read this whole thread, looking for answers on how to cope with the loss. Just like everyone else on here, my Dad was the most important person in my life. The only person I could trust to always put me first and loved me unconditionally for just being me. Yesterday I realised that life will never be the same - the highs will never be as high and the lows will be lower as he isn't here anymore. In the two weeks after my Dad died, we had Christmas, New Year and my Birthday - so many milestones. I'm 31 now, and I carry such guilt that my Dad didn't get to be a Granddad - as he would have been amazing as a Grandparent, but I try to take comfort in that he was an awesome Dad to me. I was wondering if you found a group in the UK? I'm an only child, and although I still have my Mum, we are grieving in different ways which is causing conflict. I'm also interested to hear about how you are feeling about it all now. Sending you best wishes, Mary x

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