struggling to cope after my husbands death

Hi i am new here and this is the first time i have posted anything. My Husband John died on 12th of July after being diagnosed in May this year with oesophageal cancer. I just feel lost and dont seem to be able to move on. He has always been a well man and even when diagnosed they said he was stage 4 and inoperable because it had gone into his liver. He had no symptoms at all apart from a small annoying but not painful feeling in his stomach. He asked if he could take his family on holiday before starting chemo, the consultant said that nothing major would happen in the next couple of weeks. we went ahead and booked a huge family holiday in spain. 4 days after arriving i found him collapsed on the kitchen floor. we rushed him to hospital where they said he was suffering from severe pancreatitusand kept him in for 2 weeks. we flew him home and he stayed at home for a week but was still very sick. he was taken into hospital again on the sunday and after a scan on the wednesday we were told that he didnt have a healthy piece of liver left and were told that he would only surrive another few days. he passes away 4 days later. i just dont know what to do i am all on my own and cannot stop crying, the tears are streaming down my face just writing this. i need help.

  • Im so sorry jay9 to hear about your husband passing my husband passed away December 2016 with the same awful illness he was a young man our daughter was only 5years I'm still heartbroken over him  I went to counseling it's help me take care of yourself

  • Hi there thank you so much for sharing. I just came across your post and read the article you referenced. It is really on point as every little thing helps in this grieving process. I also lost my husband to this wicked disease, we were married for a short time and so much looking forward to living the rest of our lives together. We had such love and were happiest when together.

    It was unbelievably painful when he was diagnosed we were shocked because he was never sick, very healthy looking, a big beautiful body builder. He lost so much weight and was in so much pain that I was relieved that he was free from that body wrecked by cancer but so devastated to lose him. It was 9 months ago and although I'm coping much better I miss him and long for him every day. He's always in my thoughts and I know he'll never leave my heart.

    Thanks again for sharing, we never know when a word will help another "griever" yours really helped me. Hugs xo

  • Hi there my husband too had oesophageal cancer was not remotely ill until Two weeks before diagnosis and this was just indigestion feelings once he had a camera down his throat and CT scan they told us the awful news he had oesophageal cancer stage 4 and it had spread to his liver and both lungs he was very poorly and in and out of hospital he deteriorated quickly and was gone in less than 5 weeks before this he was a fit and healthy 52 year old builder with everything to live for how can I cope with this 

  • Hi did you get counselling and did it help as my husband also had oesophageal cancer and I'm struggling too 

  • Yes Ricky cancer is so cruel took the love of my life too 

  • I know exactly how you are feeling, I lost my husband in June this year, with the same complaint.

    every day is difficult. I just hope things will get better, it's hard to keep busy all the time, sometimes I just don't want to do anything. 

  • Hi there, my name IS Paul and i lost my lovely Ivana to stomach cancer nearly 3yrs ago....i know it is such a tough journey losing your loved one and 3yrs on the pain is real...i didnt really have time for grieving because within 4mths of Ivanas passing i developed Multiple Myeloma, which is cancer of the bone marrow and my treatment is ongoing...it has been a real battle to face each day, but you know if we can just try to make a difference to someone, maybe just a smile or a kind word it can help...it is a slow process and we all grieve differently but please hang in there and very slowly but surely you will smile again...it is so darn hard i know and life seems so brutal at times, but always be assured that people will listen and care...talk to someone and dont isolate yourself...i feel for you and send you much love....you take care..Paul

  • Hi Paul, I really feel for you, I just hope your treatment is going ok, it must be difficult when you’ve lost your partner. But try and stay strong and positive, because that is what she would have wanted. Life can be so tough, but please keep in touch, and look after yourself.
  • Honestly Carmarthenshire, this is not meant to be about me....the reason i replied is i know how very hard it is to watch someone you love deteriorate before you, and if i could i would have changed places with her to give her a chance.... and i know that those early months after a loved ones passing is incredibly tough, even now i cant describe the pain i went through just trying to face each new day...nothing i have to go through will ever compare to the loss of my Ivana, and i really wanted you to know that i feel your pain so much...i too am here if you want a chat and take real good care of yourself...keep eating and try to create some sort of routine...i am thinking of you...much love   Paul

  • Thank you so much for your kindness, I am eating, although a stone just fell off me, it's hard because your stomach is churning, just hope the pain will ease with time, my husband would not like me to be this way, but it's only natural. You take care of yourself as well.