I am so sorry to hear what you have been through Maria-amanda and I admire your dedication through the years, that you feel it is your responsibility to look after him as no one else will. However, whilst cancer impacts everyone differently, no-one should experience controlling behaviour in their relationship, or domestic abuse. I know this can be quite a scary term to hear but it encompasses a wide range of behaviours including psychological or emotional abuse. You are literally going out of your way to look after him, you have done so much and it is simply not acceptable that he is unkind to you, that he didn't ask you how you were doing when you had surgery and that in your own words "every sentence is unkind". You have put up with a lot for years and I can't even imagine the emotional and psychological toll this has been taking on you year after year. You can't carry on having all these awful days and being treated in this way when you are doing so much and have in the past done so much to support him not only through his illness but financially too and in so many other ways.

I think you have been bottling things up so much and for so many years that you would really benefit from talking to someone who has expertise in situations like yours. Simply talking to someone about it will perhaps help you think more clearly too about what to do and how to deal with every day. You can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247. They are free to contact and offer confidential, non-judgemental information and support.

You can also seek support and advice from Refuge and Woman's Aid, the latter of which have a survivor's handbook that provides practical support and information.

If you feel comfortable mentioning this to your GP, they can signpost you to local services in your area and offer emotional support to you as well.

We're thinking of you Maria-amanda. You are such a brave and caring lady, you do so much for your loved ones but it's important that you focus on your wellbeing too and find peace and happiness.

I really hope this information can help and I will now let our members who have been through something similar come and say hello and share their experiences with you. You are not alone as sadly many members of our community have been through something similar and it can help to talk to someone else here who understands. 

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator