Hi Northern,

I am so sorry for the mistake I made about your sibling.

My father-in-law died last night at 3.20am. He ws 97 and, was admitted for tests.last Wednesday. By that afternoon they diagnosed cancer. By Thursday we were told that there were metastases in his gastro-intestinal and thoracic tracts, his liver and brain. It was possibly more widespread, but they couldn't do any invasive tests or treatment, as he was too frail. He passed away less than a week from diagnosis. We are all reeling with the speed in which this has happened.

I am so glad that your mum is in remission and, I am thinking of and praying for you both.

Please let us know how your therapy helps.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Dear Jolamine,

I'm so sorry about your loss. It must be hard to have him gone so quickly and without much warning. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Warm regards,

Northern

Hi Northern,

Thank you for your kind words and prayers. Yes, to have him die in less than a week from diagnosis was a shock, but he is with his wife and partner of 80 years, who passed 4 months ago. He has been totally lost without her.

 I hope that your therapy session on Sunday is helpful for you.

Please let us know how you get on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

How are you? Well, I've been going to my therapy sessions and I still feel like a mess. I do think it's nice to have someone confirm that I'm not "crazy" and what I'm going through is totally normal. My therapist reminds me to take care of myself and to be kind to myself. I've been very hard on myself for feeling anticipatory grief. I really hate the way that I feel and I just wish I wasn't so distraught. I truly am scared and I get even more fearful when I read that people are still grieving years after a loss. How does one manage?

Kind regards,

Northern

Hi Northern,

I am sorry to hear that you still feel like a mess, despite the therapy. The anticipatory grief is a normal feeling when we know that time is limited for a loved one. We really have to develop a hardened shell and become a stronger person just to cope with all that is happening with your mum.

You need to be her support and to ensure that she is comfortable and pain free. I’m sure that you don’t want her worrying about how you are going to cope once she’s gone.

Can you push yourself to become more positive again? Dare I say, and please don’t take this the wrong way (it is not meant as a criticism), instead of worrying about yourself and how you are coping, could you maybe concentrate more on your mum and how she is feeling, what her needs are, etc? I found that this was the only way that I managed to muddle through when I cared for both of my parents and parents in-laws.

Since I lost my father-in-law, I have been hit with two lesions – one on my face and one on my leg. Both of these look suspicious and I have had an excisional biopsy on both for melanoma. I’ll have to wait 4-6 weeks for the pathology results to come back, so I have another anxious few weeks until I know wat I’m dealing with.

I hope that you are continuing with the therapy meanwhile and, that it will eventually help you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

I'm sorry to hear about your lesions. I hope the biopsies come back clear for you. That is a lot to worry about. 

Best,

Northern