I can't believe this is my reality now but reading all the comments on this post have helped me feel like im not the only one feeling like this. I'm 37 and my mum is 63. We found out 2 days ago that her cancer isn't able to be cured. My heart is literally broken. My mum is my world, my best friend, my sunshine, my balance. She's the one who helps me make decisions, the first one I want to call, we speak every day. My 5 year old adores her. They are so similar and since the day he was born they've been inseparable. She is his best friend. What's most heartbreaking is she is so active, no symptoms at all and no illness. This makes it so much harder to come to terms with. The little girl inside me what's to run to her to help me feel better, the adult in me knows what's going to happen over the next few months and I just have no idea how to cope. I love my husband with all my heart but my mum is the only one who GETS me. She knows what im thinking without me saying anything like No one else does. I see or speak to her everyday. How am I going to keep going without her? I can already feel like half of me is missing and she's still here. I know no one wants to go through this but I'm not sure I even can. I'm devastated and feel so alone already. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up because that feels better than having to cope with the reality of never seeing her again. 

Hi, I am so so sorry to hear about your Mum, 

My Mum passed away 6 weeks ago, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer in May, the shock was almost too much to take when we were told... but I so wish I had had more time with her, like yourself my Mum was my best friend and the best Gran to my kids.

Please try make the most of the time you have,  be it sitting together chatting, or if able going to a favourite place , get family pictures out and go through them together. I wish I'd did this.(going through old photos now and don't know who people are and sadly the only person who would of known is no longer here)

I totally understand how overwhelmed you'll be feeling and how all consuming it is. Please take one day at a time and be kind to yourself . Xx

I am so sorry to hear this is your reality and you too Sarah. It is the most painful, lonely, scary walk in the world. I am 4 years down the line yet it feels 4 minutes ago. The thing that really frightened me when my mother was ill was how people who lost their mums years ago would still cry and get upset. I never thought this could be possible and yet I find myself still crying or at the least feeling extremely sad most days. I get on with my life and everyone thinks I'm fine but inside I often go through the motions esp on special days like my daughters recent First Holy Communion. I remember going to great trouble organising a beautiful hotel, clothes etc and then when we sat down to eat the house of cards rumbled down around me and I could barely eat a morsel. I just couldn't believe she was missing it as I know she would have loved every minute. I resented the fact she had so little time with my 2 children while she went to every event her teenage grand nieces and nephews had. My kids were only 3 and 5 when she went, she waited so long for them and its an aching  sadness I live with every day as like you both she adored her grandchildren and for me that is the saddest bit, the fact she and they are missing out on this very special relationship. At the same time I know she was proud and very happy with how the day went. I try not to get bitter as that is not healthy nor what she wants but it's really hard seeing grandparents collect their grandchildren from school or being them to the park or the usual things. That still really hurts and I don't think it won't ever be like that. 

I think you need to really look after yourselves in terms of sleep, rest and doing things that bring you some peace esp in the coming months. I painted my room my favourite peach colour and it is my refuge. I try go to bed early and listen to music I love and basically do things that nourish my soul. I am lucky in that I live beside the beach so I walk daily and the vastness of the sea connects me to her and the wonder of life consoles me so if you can get out in nature do so, it is grounding and will always be there for you and is very healing. I'm not hugely religious but my mum was so I pray alot and visit church now and I feel close to her, also the sense of 'home'  I get in church, the silent smile or nod from other people there really really helps me, I feel many may be there for the same reasons which makes me feel less alone. Sometimes I find myself looking for her in the elderly ladies I see there.i don't know what I'm actually looking for.. grief is very confusing and bewildering sometimes. 

When my mum went I felt and still do a terrible sense of rootlesness, like my anchor in the world had lifted and that I was driving a car with a wheel missing,  all lopsided, I still feel like I'm sort of wandering around the world with no purpose (even though I have kids, husband, job, responsibilities etc) again I play the part in the outside but inside its different. I am working on gratitude and realising that she wants me to be happy so I hope I'm slowly turning the corner out at least starting to see it..I still struggle going into our family home, I adore my dad and he is my other anchor. All her things are still there and again I just can't believe she is not here to enjoy her beautiful home. 

I started another thread a few years ago about signs from her and they have been what has gotten me through these years. While I miss her immeasurably I know she is with me from another place and we will definitely meet again. She has sent so many signs that are unique and personal to her and still does so if you believe in them keep an eye out as they along with my dad have been my life raft. Like one of you said I also have a great husband but the bond and relationship with your mother is so unique and special and should remain that way. You were her first room mate and nothing will ever change that. You are hers and she is yours no matter where you both are. Our mums know what we are thinking or feeling even before we do, they know us inside out and I know my mum still knows how I am. I know that she is with me and always turns up when I need her most. I can't tell you how many times I have stood in the kitchen wishing for her and then turn around sensing someone has walked into the room when there is no one physically there. Recently I went on holiday, I hate flying, dread it and I had her broken rosary beads in a pocket of my bag with a few of my daughters elastic hair bands. Just before the flight I checked it was there and lo and behold the rosary had threaded itself through the bands and reattached back to itself. I showed my husband and we both just smiled. I knew it was her way of wishing me a lovely holiday and letting me know she was there and not too worry about the flight. 

I am sorry for the long message but I think for now, for today you have your mum, that is the most amazing gift. No of us have tomorrow promised so if you can, stay in the moment. See every minute as precious because it is. Tomorrow will look after itself. You both may surprise yourselves and fare much better than I did. The last 4 years taught me that I have to build resilience. We all looked after my mum during her illness and I often think my strength went with her, I was empty afterwards as the best left with her and I was left a shell as I guess I was physically and mentally burnt out and exhausted. I do know though that she wants me to be happy  slowly I've been trying to rebuild myself and get my resilience back.i know we deserve to be happy and enjoy the best of life like our precious ones did.  Some days though I recognise that i am going to feel particularly sad, on those days I go with it and know that tomorrow will be better and it often is. I knew she sends me strength in those harder days. I have become more selective and I suppose you could say selfish with how I spent my time or who I commit to. Looking after my mum and dealing with the aftermath took so much out of me so I am careful in what I commit to now. I spend as much time as possible with my dad enjoying life. I don't think there is any magic cure for grief but for me getting through every day where my kids are happy is a priority. I think bereaved people will always be in some level bereaved depending on where they are in their journey. Everyone will be touched by it, 4 years ago it unfortunately was my turn. I like to think that I have become more compassionate and I know better the importance of holding your loved ones closer. 

Keep strong and be gentle on yourselves x

 Hi Sarah,

 I am so sorry to read what you are experiencing, my mum has also been diagnosed as terminally ill.. she had a second opinion on Thursday and was told it is terminal and she has months, possibly a year left.. we found out just over a year ago she had terminal lung cancer after she had a heart bypass and due to her COPD there is nothing else they can do, I am truly devastated.. my mum is my best friends, she is my strength, I'm 41 and my mum is 67.

 My mum is the kindest, warmest, friendliest and funniest person and I am so devastated.. all my life from when I was bullied as a kid, I came out as gay and all the challenges I've faced, my mum has been that constant rock of love and support and I just don't know how I can live without her.. 

 I'm feeling so many emotions at the moment, I cry sometimes and then I feel angry and then just so, so sad.. I've told friends and my work colleagues because I know I'm going to need support and help but then I feel guilty and bad for telling them, I just don't know how I should feel and what is right.

 Mum is staying strong but when she got the news on Thursday my sister was with her and my mother cried three times, I just feel so powerless and lost.

 I've read that death can come within months of a terminal diagnosis and I'm so, so gutted but I do feel lucky that we will have the opportunity to spend time with mum before the time comes because I know so many people tragically haven't had that time before their loved ones pass on.

 My heart goes out to every one of you on here who are experiencing this terrible pain or whose loved ones have passed on, this forum shows we are not alone and this support is a great help to me, I just need to prepare and understand what's going to happen.. thank you.. x 

Hello,

Reading your reply to Sarah brought me to tears. It is exactly how I am feeling at the moment.

My mum has stage 4 bowel cancer and was told back in November it was Terminal, looking at months to live. She was really poorly after diagnosis and we all though she may go before Christmas. Luckily she is still here and actually doing a bit better, has put on a bit of weight and has more strength.

My mum is 66 and I have just turned 30. 
 

I feel so angry and confused about her diagnosis. She was first diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer in April 2020, we were told they caught it at a good time and they started treatment. Finally finished all treatment chemo and radiation to be told they were monitoring. Mum started to be sick and have tummy pain in July 22. Doctors thought it could be chrons disease (history of it in my family) or IBD - we were worried it may be the big C. But it took months of appointments for them to finally do an endoscopy. Which sadly confirmed our worst thoughts, it was cancer and an agressive one which had already spread to the liquid around stomach and bowels as well as in it. 
 

I am devastated. I am going to loose my mum before I've had the chance to start a family with my husband. I am so sad and worried all the time. Mum was so poorly and lost so much weight at the end of Nov, she had home hospice care as we all thought she was end of life. We all started to grieve. But now she seems ok, not in pain (pain medication) and putting on some weight. 
 

I have really tried to view this time as a gift but it's just been such a whirlwind and caused a lot of confusion for my family and my poor mum. I don't know how to feel and or how to support my mum through this

Just so lost. Abi 

I'm in a similar situation my mum is 58 I'm 32 and I cannot handle seeing her how she is .. trying to stay strong for her and my children but inside I'm dying in so much pain and dont know what to do .. I'm so scared of what's going to come .. 

Xxx

I feel your pain  pain much and your post is so relatable.. how does anyone cope with this I'm a year I I my mums diagnosis and still can't deal with it xx

Hi all I have just come across this forum and needed to chat as I am so worried about my mum. She 70 i am 50 and shes had problems with bleeding, obviously she's way passed menopause so was a concern, my mum had a hospital appointment yesterday and they very concerned  and she's waiting for op so they can take a biopsy. My dad passed away suddenly September 2021 and my mum has struggled with his death as we all have. I know I shouldn't worry yet but the what ifs are all I can think about, me and my mum are so close, always have been, I flit between work, my home with my husband and staying at My mums to make sure she's OK. I have just started a new job but I have decided to quit if the worse happens to focus on care for my mum. Anybody else been in this situation as I need advice before I drive myself crazy with worry. X

The waiting is horrible and the worst part, advice I got was to try to focus on the facts and not fill in the gaps as when you do it's always with worse case scenario. Wishing you some answers soon and head to Maggies if you need to talk.