It was November 2015 when my mom was officially diagnosed with stage 2 cervical cancer. She went through radiotherapy and chemotherapy and though the doctors were hopeful that it would shrink the tumour, it didn't. Instead, it grew and eventually developed in stage 4 around last year. Now, she's in china getting alternative treatments done since the best thing NHS can offer her here is palliative care. Through the doctors in China are positive they can treat her, sometimes it's hard to stay positive especially when it's at a very late stage and has spread to her bones.
I'm 19 years old and just started my first year of uni in London. Since I'm the only child and my dad is with my mom in China, I live by myself at home and try to balance school and a part time job. this busy schedule has kept me distracted for a while but now, I feel like all those bottled up emotions are just let loose. I'm afraid that I can't cope any longer and I just can't stop thinking about my mom, especially being so far away. Only a few of my friends know and I don't really talk to them much about it, only when they ask really. Without sounding selfish, I honestly feel like I'm at the brink of depression. my sleeping pattern is just upside down and I've lost weight even when I feel like I'm eating all the time. Also, since the treatments are private we mostly rely on fundraisings to get by, another thing that I cannot get out of my head. I'm finding it so hard to stay strong for for her, I just want my mom back.
i would do absolutely anything and everything for my mom but at my current state I feel like I can't even get out of bed when I need to and it's affecting my school education. I just miss my mom so much and I just want to be able to spend time with her for as long as possible, she wouldn't hurt a fly and deserves everything good in this world. I can't even bring myself to read some of the other forums without crying my eyes out and just even thinking about losing my mom, it's the most heartbreaking thing.
thank you for listening to me rant about this. it felt good to let it out a little. I guess I just want advise on how to cope better? And how to get back on track?
Thank you!
