Hi libbs Hope you don't mind me answering I'm so sorry to read about you friend . I'm also so sorry you going though this again with you dad it's so heartbreaking. My heart goes out to you take care . 

It's so hard.  I can't sleep.  My head is spinning.  I can't even think about four years on.  If I do I want to throw up.  You lot are so brave you put me to shame you really do.. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take all your pains away even if I couldn't take my own.  I'm in awe of the courage and resilience.  Step by step I'll try Libbs. Love to you,  a massive cyber hug to you. .  Wish I could do it in person.  Xxx

Xxxx

So today she moved into the hospice. I spoke to her husband Paul,  he sounded upbeat even happy,  he was glad she was there,  he said he came away feeling a sense if relief,  she was finally being  looked after by professionals.  The Dr's were disgusted with her treatment at the hospital how some Dr's were tactless and spoke to her.  I hope when I see her I have that sense of relief.  I'm not sleeping well at all.  Can barley eat still.  I'm just functioning in my job,  the kids know something very wrong but not asking.  I must have the look of doom in my eyes.  I sit and look at the walls,  it's better than looking at the sky she won't see soon or the trees she won't hear in the wind.  If I sit looking at the wall she won't miss that,  it keeps me calm it keeps me from crying.  Funny how you find a way to cope.  Mines look at a wall! The Xmas presents she's bought and given me I'm opening Sunday.  My sister took them to my moms and placed in the spare room.  I can't look at them.  It hurts too much.  While she was ill,  she asked what I wanted,  I said a few kitchen things as I wanted to redo my kitchen.  She went nuts and bought the net up!  She won't see it.  I have to look at these things and it will hurt but at the same time knowing she absolutely loved buying and finding these things,  she told me.  Mom taking pictures as I open them to show her.  Does your heart ever stop hurting. Does the lump in your throat go?  The only comfort I get and I hate it at the same time is knowing others are too.  We are supporting each other.  But I don't want others to Hurt either.  Thanks for reading my babble.  Just need to vent,  to say what I'm feeling,  to let it out. Lx

How you doing today?  Was thinking of you.  Karen was moved into a hospice today.  How's your mom? 

Oh bless your heart. I know exactly how you're feeling. My heart was broken in two when my best friend was ill, but I kept that brave face on for her. 

And I know exactly how your friends husband feels about the sense of relief. My friend didn't want to pass away in a hospice. She was in there for a week but decided to go home. My heart sank because I knew she wouldn't get that 24/7 care and the nurses were so kind and wonderful. 

Wen my friend went home she returned to the hospice two days later. She rang me to ask if I'd go with her. Which of course I did. 

I left family to be with her the following day as it was time. But two days later she was still holding on. The nurse asked if someone she loved wasn't there. I then got a phone call to go to her. 

Half an hour later she passed away with me holding her hand. She had waited for me.. 

I went through every emotion you can think of. And I stopped going to the shops that she and I so often went to together. I had to pass her house every time I went to my mum and dads, which broke my heart. 

But please believe me when I say that lump in your throat does go. You will always miss her but in time you'll laugh at things you did together, you'll smile, and that raw pain will go. I promise xx 

My friend used to love knitting and she knit a jumper for me that I'll always treasure. And a scarf. And I have gifts from her around my house. And photos of us.

Treasure your gifts from her. She's telling you she loves you and wants to spoil you. 

I kept a gift tag off my friend from a birthday present as it's got her handwriting on. And it's hanging up in my room.

Big hugs to you. Hold her hand and tell her you love her. They were our last words to each other and im so glad they were. 

I'm here to listen and help as much as I can Xx 

Thank you so much for your kind words xx 

Four years on and I still miss her very much.

Now im going through it with my dad. We've been told he won't make xmas. 

Hard to get your head around it all. But we have to face all the things that are thrown at us. We have no choice. My heart is breaking but im so glad I have lots of support. And this forum really does help. 

I don't know your situation but hope you're okay xx 

Hi Leanne

Im so sorry for the way you are feeling i know those feelings very well. Its strange how you do find a way to cope its such an awful time my heart breaks for you and your friend i was exactly in your position 4 weeks ago. My sleeping is getting slightly better dr stopped my sleeping pills only short term solution as i was so worn out. Im back at work now and listening to people talk bout christmas really ******me off to be honest my sister should be here shopping and making plans. I dont cry as much now where as before it was all day .. now its more when i get home from work i think its becasue im putting on a show all day at work trying to be strong. Its really hard..

I actually dont think i believe shes has died yet i think shea away somewhere . x

Hi Leanne it's so sad been to see my mother she wasn't to good she was depressed she had cry broke my heart never see my mother cry . I had cry I tried not to but it's so hard my head is all over the place at the moment she got oppointment with hospital tomorrow about pain management I hope that all it is for because she don't want to know anything else like how long she got what going happen. It's horrible seeing the one you love go though this I really can't put into words . Thanks for asking thinking of you all take care x 

I'm so sorry libbs about you dad it's so not fair my mother got inoperable bowel cancer we don't know how long she got I understand totally cancer taken so many loved ones it's heart breaking take care .