Hi

Firstly, I must say how full of admiration I am for you in dealing with your situation, my wife is in a hospice and I know that I would not cope with her at home. If she had wanted to be at home then the hospice had  said that nursing could be arranged 24/7 the only way I could have coped.

As for how long, the doctors say it is not an exact science so as you say everyone is different. The signs I was told to look for are cold hands and feet, although the person will not realise they are cold, and a change in breathing. But don't get hung up on these as when visiting my wife she has  displayed these syptoms but she carries on, as another person told me here, you will know when the time comes.

Your father has similarities to my wifes condition and she  has been in the hospice since Christmas Eve, being given a couple of weeks, she is not eating much, some days nothing, but has good days but increasingly few. But, here we are nearly 6 weeks on she still goes on and like you I think that each morning will bring news of her passing, the doctors have said this is possible but no more likely than at any other time.

I have posted my own thread trying to deal with the waiting and the stresses caused all I can say is it a very difficult time and that I have found strength from posting and the replies, so please keep talking.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

Thankyou so much for the reply, so sorry you are going through this as well.

Just been into my dad's room and he was cutting all his cards and driving licence up, said he's finalising everything, said he's exhausted and scared, said he thinks he will pass away this week, I am crying writing this as this was so hard to hear. Of course I know he can't know that but was so hard hearing him say that as that's what he has been thinking about.

He sleeps nearly all the time now and when not just stares into space with a vacant look in his eyes.

This is so hard.

Sorry for the ramble and Thankyou for replying, my thoughts are with you.

No problem, if we can help each other, ramble away.

My wife sleeps or appears to all the time but she tells us she hears every word we are saying when we are all around her bed and she likes to hear us.

You say your father says he is preparing, although it is upsetting,  make a positive of it let him talk about what he wants to do  and gain some satisfaction from the fact that he has fulfilled his wishes and you have helped. My wife does not want to talk about things and we know that this will leave us with lots of unanswered questions.

I cannot tell you how many hours I have spent just holding hands with my sleeping or vacant wife, but I believe she knows I am there no matter.

I know that this time is incredibly hard but because of your great care and love I am sure both you and father will find peace.

Best wishes. 

No problem, if we can help each other, ramble away.

My wife sleeps or appears to all the time but she tells us she hears every word we are saying when we are all around her bed and she likes to hear us.

You say your father says he is preparing, although it is upsetting,  make a positive of it let him talk about what he wants to do  and gain some satisfaction from the fact that he has fulfilled his wishes and you have helped. My wife does not want to talk about things and we know that this will leave us with lots of unanswered questions.

I cannot tell you how many hours I have spent just holding hands with my sleeping or vacant wife, but I believe she knows I am there no matter.

I know that this time is incredibly hard but because of your great care and love I am sure both you and father will find peace.

Best wishes.