Funny a lot of people with terminal conditions are much more concerned about those who they are leaving behind than they are about themselves. I think that it's an acceptance that they cant change things and a desire to make thinkgs all nice and sorted before they go - You're very lucky to have someone like that.

The problem with estimates of how long people 'have' is that they can be quite inaccurate - My wife was given 6 months at one point, then got a bit of a boost and that ended up being a year and people on here have had even longer extensions. On the other hand you'll find people who have had loved ones given 6-12 months and have died a couple of weeks later.

Sounds like you may be a bit of a planner? Someone who likes to be organised and know what's going to be happening? If so the uncertainty can be quite stressfull - you'll just have to try to accept the uncertainty and get into living a day at a time.

Don't start grieving too soon! 

As for funerals - it's nice if they can tell you what they'd like because it takes some of the pressure off of you but remember that they are for the living and not the dead - if he's not told you of any preferences then it's up to you to celebrate his life in the way you want to. 

My brother-in-law had my wife promise to chase any priests away with a pointy stick - but his wife was quite religious and he ended up getting the "Full Catholic" -Bells, incense the works - but it was for her not for him so we were all fine with it.

When my wife died we had a wonderful Celebrant from the British Humanist society who was brilliant - he worked on a full script with me and the other participants and it went brilliantly - a fair few people asked me for his details

they are here: humanism.org.uk/.../ maybe save it for when you need it

If you do want to bring it up - perhaps do so in the context of wills - it's probably easier to start talking about whether he's still all happy with what's in his will and then move on to the topic of funerals than to launch straight into the funeral conversation

Thank you GrahamM for the advice, it means a lot to me. I have got him some new friends to talk to him about model planes which has bucked him up a bit. You are right that I keep thinking about what if's etc. instead of living for now which I will try my best to do this, it is just the fear I think that keeps making me cry and feel sick. Thank you again, this is such a lonely world to be trapped in.

Hi there, I'm really sorry your husband is unwell. It's a horrible place to be and I was like you an emotional mess. You can't help where your mind takes you at times. It must be horrible thinking of that deadline you've been given, push that to the side it's just a statistic and can go either way. Live for the moment, we're all dying unfortunately but some sooner than others. Maybe he could write down any funeral wishes and put it in an envelope then you needn't talk about it, it will be there when the time comes. Go and spend time with your husband and enjoy his company even if just sitting holding hands says a lot without words. Take care of yourselves x

 Hi,

I can relate to your situation and all the advice that you have been given so far is so true.

Treasure the time that you have, do not try to force issues, just let your husband lead conversations. My wife has not wanted to talk about anything about her passing, we have to respect that and we will do what  we think is right ehen the time comes.

My wife was told she only had three months when she was diagnosed in Oct 14 but she managed to recover and relapsed last year and at Christmas was given 2 weeks but still battles on. Some days she doesn't remember I have been but when I sit and hold her hand she is aware that it is me. I treasure those moments.

The time has been one of the hardest times in my life and I have been lucky to have the support of a wonderful hospice. If you have a hospice close make use of their services they can,  not only help your husband but also you.

Take care.

Thank you all for the advice, it really helps. The lady at the hospice is coming to take me to a carers meeting next week. My husband asked to die at home and I agreed at the moment he looks well apart from the weight loss. Thanks again everyone for your love and thoughts x

Hi Sweetheart. My darling husband died in August last year, 6 months after diagnosis. It was his wish to be at home and with the help of his GP and Macmillan, he died peacefully with his two grown up sons and me by his side. I didn't think it could be possible to cry and worry so much and survive, but survive I have. I think of him constantly and one thing that keeps me sane is the fact that throughout those hard, emotional weeks I was always at his side....sometimes just laying quietly on the bed, other times talking about our beautiful 30 plus years together and that my darling gives me great comfort now he's gone. I talk to him all the time and have good and bad days, but I know in my heart I did everything I could to make his last days comfortable. He was too young to go at just turned 61 and life will never be the same without him. Life is just different now, but the awful sheer panic of him being ill and losing him has softened and I try to spend more time with my fab friends and family. What i'm really trying to say is, hold him close, kiss and cuddle him, because these are the times you'll hold close in your heart forever. Sending you big hugs my love.XXX

Thank you Peaches, that is beautiful. Today he says he can cure himself by mind over matter, so I just didn't say anything. Our son gets married in June and I am just hoping he makes it to that date. x

Hi 

Don't worry about when, it will be when it will be, enjoy the moment. The idea of mind overcoming things is not one that even the doctors  can understand,  my wife is still with us after the doctors said 2 weeks at Christmas, recently they asked if there was a anniversary coming up that she was aiming for. So they must think that the power of the mind can be so strong. Believe in your husband and support him, you never know what he  will achieve.

I have some lovely moments with my wife which I will remember forever and I will hopefully forget the other times. 

Keep strong.

Thank you Deggsy, he said his target was the wedding, so I guess he will make it. Tonight we are having fish and chips, his favourite.  Take care, Geraldine

What a week this has been! Monday Alan had his CT scan and then on Tuesday he complained that he had been loosing  alot of blood from his back passage and his poo was black, seems it had been like this for 5 days. I made him see his GP who referred us to SAU at our local hospital. There they seemed to not know what to do, they took bloods and said that as his iron levels were ok then he could go home as long as I took him straight back if the bleeding continued, they thought it was maybe piles! Anyway we had to go back yesterday for another check up and they said they were sorry that it appears that bowel tumours bleed and that this was normal! Ok the bleeding has stopped now but I felt so flaming useless at the time. Alan has been very quiet and grumpy since. It is the suit fittings tomorrow for the wedding, just keeping my fingers crossed he will be well enough to go. Take care all xx