Hi Linda,

I'm really sorry to hear about your husband's pancreatic cancer diagnosis. We have suffered something very similar with my beautiful and young mother last month. Nine weeks ago, she was completely healthy. In the space of a few weeks, she became jaundiced, unable to eat, and scans revealed a localised and operable tumour on the head of her pancreas. However, during the Whipple operation, the surgeon discovered the cancer was much more advanced and he could not complete the procedure. She can now only consider pallitive chemotherapy. We were all heartbroken and devastated like you and your family. And it took her several weeks to recover from such a serious, though not curative, operation. 

We try to remain positive but it is very difficult, especially because this cancer has terrible survival statistics. But there is hope. I found survivor stories on the internet extremely helpful, stories of people with Grade 4 pancreatic cancer who responded extremely well to chemotherapy. I cried a lot, like you. Especially at first because it is such a terrible terrible shock. And you feel that you have to be strong at the one time when it's the absolute hardest because of the grief and the worry and the sense of loss. But you will adapt to a new normal. And you will cry less. I find that I have good days and bad days. 'Strong' is also a relative term. I believe true strength is not hiding your emotions, but to feel them and show them, and then carry on. I found it strange when people kept saying to me 'you must look after yourself', as all I could think about was looking after my mother. But you really need to try and find some brightness in every day. I hope this helps. This is life-changing for anyone, and I really, really understand what you're going through. 

Hi juliet, thank you for your response I'm so sorry about your mum. I read what you have said and that's exactly what I'm going through. People tell me to look after myself all the time and all I can think about is looking after my husband and my children. I just can't stand to see him being in pain which seems to happen after he tries to eat something, regardless of all the pain relief he is on. I too have read some stories about people surviving longer and that has given me a little bit of hope. I was also reading about  abraxane and how it helps people with pancreatic cancer. We are waiting to see the oncologist so want to ask them about this. I know we need to make the most of the time he has left but it's just unbearable to think we are going to be without him.. He had a good day yesterday which was great but today isn't a good day for us, he is worried about us for when he's not going to be here and I reassure him that we will be ok and have a good network of family and friends. Did you go to any support groups? I was wondering if this would be helpful for us?

Thanks

Hi Linda,

I'm so glad I could help. Your experience feels so similar to mine that I felt I had to respond and let you know you're not alone. I also find it hard to make the most of the time I have left with Mum, and I have to keep reminding myself that she is still here, despite the cancer, and to try to talk to her about other things, though of course this is incredibly difficult at times. The strangest thing I found is that you begin the grieving process even though your loved one is still here.

I found the helpline at the following pancreatic cancer charity really helpful : www.pancreaticcancer.org.uk .

You can speak to specialist nurses and they do have support groups in various parts of the UK. I've just contacted the organiser in London as I feel I need to speak to others whose family members are suffering from this particular type of cancer. Also, we've contacted a Macmillan nurse for family counselling. Our GP helped us organise this. My mother was very against the idea to start with, but we were reassured by our GP that this is a positive step, and no matter how close a family is, this is something that we cannot go through alone. It may take time for your husband to come to terms with this, and I've realised with my own mother that I have to have patience and let her make her decisions in her own time. She is still considering whether to undergo chemotherapy and we found the oncologist very helpful in explaining all the options. I've begun writing everything down during the Doctors' appointments as I've found that I have no short term memory anymore! Apparently, that is completely normal in the circumstances. But this does help if your husband has any questions afterwards, or cannot remember himself what was said. It's very difficult to take in all the information when we're all still shocked. Please let me know if I can help in any other way. J

Hi, I hope you don't mind me popping on your thread but I have noticed another recent poster -Carl101 - is suffering with PC.  Rosy27 has replied to him and had treatments which have helped her condition. She has had Nanoknife which I have also had in my liver for secondary breast cancer, and I was told by the professor at the hospital that they were very encouraged by the results they were seeing with PC patients. You may like to post on Carl's thread and get some more info from Rosy .  All the best to you both x

Thanks for spotting this Max.

The discussion thread is quite old but Rosy27 has just posted here.

Perhaps as Max says, it would be good to reply to her.

Best wishes

Jane

I thought I'd give an update on my husband. Unfortunately he lost his fight last week to pc. We are absolutely devastated. He only got 12 weeks from official diagnosis. He had a procedure done to help with his pain and then a stent put in because he got jaundice. We thought that he would be able to get chemo which could add a couple of months into his life. He ended up getting an infection and passed away one week after his procedure. I have never seen anyone go down hill so quickly, this is really a horrible disease. He leaves behind me and my gorgeous teenage boys. I just hope we have the strength to get through this together. 

Linda .      I am so very sorry to hear that your husband has passed away and send my love to you and your children.  I wish there was something I could say that would ease your pain but know that there isnt.  All I will say is please come to the forum again if you feel it will help.  There are several ladies here who are recently widowed and will understand what you are going through.  Together you may be able to offer support to each other.  It may be beneficial to open another discussion when you feel up to doing so.  Take care my love x

So sorry to hear your news Lindaboi.

Our condolences go to you and your boys.

I hope you don't mind me directing you to this site.

It is called riprap and it is for youngsters your sons' age who are in a similar position.

It will allow them to talk to other teenagers sharing similar experiences.

Best wishes to you all at this sad time,

Jane

Hi, I lost my husband August 29, 2015 to Pancreatic Cancer. He was diagnosed August 2014 and had the Whipple Surgery September 25, 2014. He was 62 and otherwise fairly healthy. I have not stopped crying.

It is so difficult to express but I feel for you and your family and the tears are once again streaming down my

face. Please know that you are in my thoughts.

Hi chitch. I am sorry to hear about your husband. This cancer is just awful and I hated seeing my husband in so much pain all the time. When we thought my husband was going to get the operation we had a bit of hope although deep down I knew if he had this operation there was still a low percentage of surviving a year. How are you managing to cope? My husband died 3 weeks ago and I still feel numb about it and doesn't feel real. I cared for him the last 4 months and find it hard to get the bad bits out of my mind.  Thanks