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Continuing the journey

Hi All

Decided to drop the 'month' from the title of this thread as time moves so quickly and the date becomes irrevelant so quickly.

Hubby and I both feeling pretty drained today but not because of his illness. However it is something that has made both us further stressed and 'outside our control'.  Prepare yourselves for a rant or look away now.

Having put in a long work day yesterday (both of us). I switched on my mobile on leaving work to find a message from the social worker for Mum (regular readers of my thread will know what we have been going through recently).  The upshott of this message was that the Social Services panel have decided that they can offer Mum a place at a sheltered housing complex but not the most local one. The call was to advise me of the panel's decision and to tell me that a visit will be arranged this week, preferably by Wednesday, for Mum to be taken to visit the flat and be told about the package of care and how it will work. They require a decision from Mrs K (this is how my mother is addressed in the follow up e-mail!!) by Friday otherwise the placement will be offered to another service provider!  Unfortunately this means Mum has little choice but to move further away (closest sheltered housing has no vacancy and they are  not willing to help fund where she has spent the last 9 months 'settling in').  The guilt I feel at being unable to cope with this is overwhelming, my hubby is very supportive and angry in equal parts and I am dreading the days ahead.  I am unable to take leave and my negative feelings towards her social worker would not work in Mum's favour as she needs to go on the visit with an open mind and the care home staff state she is quite able to make her own mind up.  If she agrees I will be unable to visit as regularly (my problem not theirs of course) but apparently the social worker will accompany her and I have asked to be kept informed.

Even typing this is making me sad/angry/frustrated and emotionally/physically drained.  I was due to visit Mum today but this is on hold until I have spoken to the care home this morning. Hubby says I should leave it till later in the week when we know what is going on and I suspect he is right (bearing in mind my physical upset involves many 'loo' visits (enough said!!)).

Sorry for all the negativity but just needed to get it out and try and get  myself together before I start on the phone calls.

Hope everyone has a good day.  Regards Julesxx

  • Afternoon friends

    Sorry this has to be a response to you all at once but as you have probably realised am a bit of a busy bee at present.  Seems like the last couple of days has been a whirlwind and thats not just with the weather!!  We were out for a meal at our sons on Sunday evening and had a lovely few hours with them (son cooked the main and his girlfriend the dessert - all beautiful).  Our son then told us the good news that he has got a new job, still within the University campus but more business/marketing based which incorporates his degree better.  He is very happy as it will be back to mon to fri instead of the shift work he is on now and there is a better chance of advancement in his field.

    Spent all day yesterday at my daughters. She had midwife check up at clinic in the morning. Went well and they have signed her and the baby off.  Baby has regained and then passed his birth weight, now a very healthy 9lb ish at 2 weeks.  Daughter is healing well and just has to take things a little slower than she would like (somewhat frustrated with this!!) and remain on iron supplements for up to 3 months.   She also had first health visitor appointment in the afternoon and this is being repeated in another 2 weeks to check on her emotionally (had a few babyblue days with her first and so they keeping an eye bearing in mind what she has been through).  She is otherwise coping very well and our eldest grandson still continues to help (in exchange I was invited to play cars in his bedroom as a guest) and we have been colouring his worksheets whilst baby sleeps and his Mum had a rest hour.

    The storm bought a few branches and one tree down in the immediate vicinity but think we got off quite lightly having seen other areas of North London.  Our front garden looked a mess but was mainly dustbins being overturned and rubbish needed to be cleared up (10mins before dustmen came!!) - the lid now appears to have gone for good (typical as we only bought new bin a couple of weeks back, hey ho!!).  Hope everyone else did okay and Mickied hope that mention of snow is a long way off!!  Today is lovely here, chilly but sunny.

    Brian, hope your Dad does okay with  his hip replacement - what a guy!!  Nervous time for the family awaiting news and will be thinking of you all.  Also hope y our results are good (am sure they will be).

    Hope, trust you doing okay and enjoying the work break.

    Catharine, hope Elizabeth responds to the second round of antibiotics - earache is so painful. Pleased to read that your Dad is managing okay and hope you enjoy your next stay with him.  Take care yourself.

    Lastly but probably (for me) most important we visited the  Consultant for my hubby's check up this morning and GREAT NEWS, he is still stable and does  not need to change his medication and also unless he feels there is a change in his condition does not have to go back to see her until end of Jan.  In the meantime they are arranging physio/aromatherapy treatments as he has some stiffness in his shoulder and they do not think it is related to his cancer (scan shows no spread since his holding chemo treatment) so he has agreed to go and have the physio to see if this helps his muscles rotational ability!!   Worth a try.  We actually both came out smiling.

    Well my forum buddies thank you so much for your kinds words and support and hope to be chatting again in the near future.  Tomorrow I am Christmas shopping (hopefully to a finish) and on Thursday I am taking my daughter( and baby) out to lunch locally as our son is taking elder grandson for a day out as he has been so good he has certainly earned it and is very excited).  With a bit of luck I will have Friday free as I have everyone coming to me Saturday for Dinner and would like to wet the baby's head in style.

    Take care everyone.  Jules xx

  • Jules,

    Wow! You are a busy bee! So glad to hear that your daughter and baby have been signed off! And what great news for your son, on the job front.

    The news about your husband is absolutely fantastic! I'm so thrilled and no wonder you both came out smiling!

    Enjoy all the lovely things you've got planned over the next few days.

    Big hugs to you and your family, Jo xxx

  • Hi Jo

    Thanks so much. Must say I have been kept busy but so much more appreciated than if I was at work so does not seem like its a chore if that makes sense!!

    Hope you and the family are all doing okay and you are still getting plenty of rest. Take care and have a good week/weekend ahead.  Best wishes Jules xx

  • Hi Jules,

    Glad to hear your keeping busy. Thank for the words about my dad but i have just got an e-mail from my sister in Canada to say dads operation has been cancelled indefinitely as when they did the pre op they found has has heart problems and a bladder infection. He is apparently quite upset as he was looking forward to getting rid of the pain he's been experiencing.

    That's great news about your son's new job. Please take care, Brian.


  • Oh  Brian

    So sad to read the news about your Dad, after all he has been through this year I expect he must be devastated to have the op postponed.  Will keep everything crossed that having found these problems they can treat them and get him as fit as possible.  Sending peaceful thoughts to you and the family during this difficult time.  Jules x

  • Hi Jules,

    Fantastic news about hubby, that must be the best Christmas present he could wish for, so you may have a problem shopping for him tomorrow!  Also good news about your son's job as well as your new grandson doing well and of course your daughter - a good October eh!  Hope you enjoy wetting the baby's head on Saturday.  Speak soon  Hope x

  • Morning Hope

    Thanks for your reply and though hubby still keeps feelings close to his chest afterthe hospital appointment and visiting our daughter briefly he tucked into a large plate of egg and bacon so that 'said it all'.  As to Christmas shopping for him no problem as he will never buy himself clothes so his gift is always something new to wear - boring but appreciated!!  With such a small number of people to buy for I have it relatively easy which is why I like to get it done early (hate going round the shops after I have been working in one for nearly six hours).   For years as a family we have fixed a small budget for the adults (£10-15) as this makes it easy for everyone to cope with the expense and the grandchildren have money put in the bank plus a few little presents to enjoy on the day (usually spending more time making things with the boxes so always include drawing stuff!!). This year its my sister in law's turn to host so I get out of the cooking but we all muck in and it tends to be pretty traditional get-together with carols on the CD player and if the weather holds a long walk (2 dogs this year though we always went out anyway) as she lives in the country.   Once the little ones are in bed we get the board games out and generally play till the early hours (with a newish baby this year we may crawl under the covers a bit earlier) but most of us are staying from Christmas Eve through till 27th so valuable family time.  Strange this is so different to how it used to be when I was growing up. As soon as I was old enough to be left (mid-teens) my parents used to go away for Christmas (Mum never enjoys the festivities never having been a social person) to escape!!!  Luckily I married into a much more 'normal' family and when my in-laws were alive Christmas was  a revelation and think thats why the traditions have been continued ever since (over 30yrs since I lost my father in law and 20yrs for mother in law but still remember feeling part of their family. They always referred to me as the extra daughter they were lucky to have(made me so welcome from the first day I was introduce. My hubby introduced me to them on a night out saying .I would like to introduce you to my best friends, my Mum and Dad.  The rest as they say is history.

    Well I had best think about  tidying up and getting breakfast for hubby before setting out - at least the sun is shining today.  Hope you did not suffer too much during the storm.  Enjoy the rest of your week off and have a peaceful weekend.  Take care Jules xx

  • Hi Jules

    Sorry to intrude in your reply to Hope.  Typical men always keeping their feelings to themselves.  My father-in-law was exactly the same and anytime you asked if he was OK he would say I'm OK love even though you knew yourself he was in pain but wouldn't admit it.  I think it was a fear of being taken into hospital again.

    I agree with your budgets for family at Christmas.  I think we have to draw the line somewhere.  I love your idea of the board games once the kids are all in bed.  I remember when we were younger my mum's brother used to call every Christmas Eve around 10.00pm to have a few pints with my father and his daughter would have a rummage through what Santa was leaving us.  The things you remember.

    I like the traditional Christmas get-togethers.  My mother-in-law isn't one for these and never was never described as being a social person.  We go over to her house on Boxing Day.  She tells us to be there at a certain time and nothing gets done for another hour or so.   She isn't one to rush things.  We go to my mum's on Christmas Day and she usually has the dinner partly prepared from the night before.  Me and my husband buy the dinner and this has been the done thing since we got married over 15 years ago.

    I hope you weren't affected too much with the storms.  It was a bit blowy here but nothing else.  Apparently Friday here isn't going to be too cold.

    Glad to hear daughter and baby are signed off now by midwife.  It is such a relief to hear that there is no need for me to call out to see you.  I remember with my first nearly 13 years ago they called out to see me for almost 2 months.  They had told me to arrange for someone to get my Christmas shopping in as I was in no fit state to go about the shops but little did they know I was planning to go out that day to buy a new tree for our new arrival.

    Take care Jules and chat soon

    Mickied

  • Hi Brian

    Just saw your reply to Jules about your father's operation being cancelled.  The only thing is Brian he will have to put up with having the hip pain much longer but God only knows what complications he may have faced during the operation.  Hopefully they will get the bladder infection sorted soon and he can be referred back for the operation to take place.

    Hope the storms didn't affect you either.  Any more bouts of Brianitus and hope Mrs B is keeping well too in this weather.

    Take care and chat soon

    Mickied

  • Hi Jules,

    Thanks once again for your kind words regarding my dad. I must apologise for not sending congratulations for the good news regarding your husband. That is great news the cancer is stable and the pain medication is still okay, you both must have been so relieved. It's always a time of concern when we go for tests etc so it's great when we get good results.

    With regard to your husband not buying clothes, I have to put my hand up and admit I am just the same. My wife is like you and always buys clothes for me at Christmas and birthdays. I have never liked shopping for clothes, in fact I'd go so far as to say I hate it.

    I have just spent most of the morning and part of the afternoon painting our porch and putting back the shelf and skirting's. Just realized how much this bug has affected me for I felt quite kn*****d when I'd finished it. I still have to buy some lacquer to treat the new floor with and then I'm finished or rather the porch is.

    Take care and hope the meal for Saturdat goes well, Brian.