You are also brave dear lady, it's bad enough to keep a face on for the world/the kids/your hubby, but to face Christmas to.  I hope you all manage to enjoy the fruits of your labours, your hubby to.

You're in my prayers tonight.......................you all are

S x

christmas is truly going to be a testing time for all i think ,the immediate wish is to make the most of it and enjoy every minute but i think we all agree lurking in the back of everyones mind is "will i be here next year" i know lisa has convinced herself this is her last but i hope it may not be and will stay posative unitl we know wether the chemo is havings any effect at all ,she has been quite perky the last 2 days ,been down to meadowhall today just for an hour,i also have to make a decision about wether to go back to work after christmas as i will have been off for 3 months and the savings are taking quite a battering ,again the guilt aspect rears its head am i being selfish by trying to think longer term as i will have to support my family and i cant do that without a wage coming in ,at the moment lisa could quite probably manage alone but how long before she cant and needs someone their to help her ..??  so much to consider on top of the living nightmare itself...our oncologist tony is dr ho**ca***e..nice lady ..best wishes everyone your support is invaluable..

Hi dgm

I was so sad to read about your wife.I dont know much about her cancer ( mine is breast cancer ) but i am as stage 4. Funnly enough i feel more confident of next Christmas than i did for the last one.I am now a year post chemo and NEDI  hope that is not the wrong thing to type but it was chemo that saved me  and i always want t hear about things that worked .I was looking on the news today and they said that a new study has shown survival time improving dramatically with the new drug therepies.

My daughter is now 8 and has been the best incentive to hold things together as  i am sure that your children willl be for you and your wife.I have found the more i can do the better i feel about things-even is it  very little,you do find a different balance as you are living a different kind of life.

I just throught that i would mention that if you are stage 4 you are entitled to disability money-not very much but better than nothing as ill health is a very expensie hobby.The Macmillian nurses could give you info on what she may or may not be entitled to.

Best wishes

Its so crass isnt it, here we are trying to deal with this monkey on our shoulders, and we have to be confronted by real life, like how long can i afford to be off work, am sure its not like this in scandanavia. Am so pleased for you that Lisa is perky at the mo, i guesse all we can do is to make the most and treasure these moments. I am actualy a miserrable old sod and hate christmas, in part as i have always been a working mum and its " just been one more thing to add to the stress list ", however, it some how seams important this year, dare i to psychoanalyse myself ( if i could spell it that is ), my investment in it, is probably some kind of bargaining thing that he will actualy make it to the day of dread itself, however, my fear is that we will all end up choking on the brussel sprouts while his are liquidised.  I find i reflect alot, but have found questionning my own actions as utterly pointless, this place that i live in is splitting into ever more many zones, we have the hot and cold ones, the clinical and non clinical and now the chrstmas and non christmas, i think it is called deparptmentalisation or something, but who cares, christmas will be a time of love, yes we will cry, probably overdo the sherry, but it will be a memory, it will be what it will be and we and you will do your best, so hang on in there, and if you want any pickles, sloe gin, xmas cake, hand made crackers let me know, i cannot stop i am beyond help !

And grumpy, women really are from venus, loved your comments

take car all

rainbow

Hi just wanted to say Lisa is getting her treatment at one of the best hospitals in the country I also live on Sheffield ,have cancer and have treatment at Weston park.Try not to panic chemo can be very gruelling and most people appear to get worse before they get better I know I was more ill from the treatment than I was from the disease,it was a long haul but it passed.I feel so sorry for you ,my husband of 53yrs has found it hard to watch because he feels helpless to do any thing and I am sure you feel the same.Hang in there try not to think too far ahead about things that may never happen.Do you know about the cancer support centre at Weston park? It's just below the car park they are fantastic can't praise them enough it's not just for patients .You can go and talk to them about anything they give practical advice ,tell you what help you can get etc please give them a go if you can .I went during myttreatment they do a 12 week course called positive about life it gives you coping strategies whilst having treatment so Lisa might find it helpful I know I did .My thoughts and best wishes to you and your family.  Maisie

Hi

Sounds like Lisa is doing well, she might do better than you think, chemo takes it's toll, but I didn't find it too bad (maybe I'm just forgetting), probably like saying when you were a kid the days were longer and the sun always shone in the summer.  anyway I hope she does well.

Maybe a return to work isn't a bad thing, keep a bit of normality in your life until the times comes when you need to take time off.

Keep in touch adn let us know how you're both doing.

S x

Hi Maisie, what a small world...me I am from Matlock and travel to Sheffield for my treatment :-)

I hop all is well with you,

Much Love

T xx

Hi T. I live 15 mins from the hosp very convenient but I wish I didn't have to use it !!!. Have been going five and a half years I have terminal ovarian cancer recent radiotherapy has given me a boost and I'm hanging in there leading a fairly normal life.Thats why I replied ,to Lisa s husband . We have been through every nightmare scenario about things that have never happened and I have learned to just deal with things as and when they happen.I have lived much longer than anyone thought I would and I am feeling strong again.Its hard to stay positive when having treatment which makes you feel so ill, but I hope Lisa can stay strong accept all the help she can get and know people out here do care and wish her well  love Maisie x x

I am in a bit of a similar situation - my wife diagnosed with incurable pancreatic signet cell cancer of appendix in June after urgent surgery. Big shock to us as well. She has had 6 cycles of chemo with not too bad side effects and CT scan was clear at the end a couple of weeks ago - so things seem to be looking up a bit. She has had bowel symptoms for the last 3 weeks which the oncologist thought was post chemo inflammation but had to be investigated and today they found it was bowel obstruction - not sure if full or partial - and mentioned to Helen it might be the cancer and she might need surgery and an ileostomy - further scan finished tomorrow should find out more.

It had really knocked Helen's mood and I find it hard to deal with when she says they should have just let her die in June and she is just making things awful for me and our daughters etc. I know I have to be as strong as I can but what can you say?

It doesn't help that her cancer is rare enough that they don't really know how it will respond to treatment etc!

Well - feel a bit better typing that!

hi im so deeply sorry i can totaly sympathes with you, iv lost my dearly beloved husband to this dreadful disease july he was only 55yr leaving me a widow at 49yr he was my life my soulmate my first love at 15yr we had shared 34yrs together despite having 4 kids whom are married with family of there own im still so hurt angry this xmas is going to be a very cold lonely one for me my husband had lung cancer that soon spread to his brain i to was like you i cryed prayed youve got a young daughter whom will pick up on your feelings make each day special for i know its heart breaking my thoughts are with you all my love to you your wife daughter                                     from liz