Hi xena1, 

This is so sad and we are thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. I think it's a good idea to write down any question that pops into your mind before you meet the colorectal surgeon next week and I hope that they will be able to answer all your questions including the ones about prognosis even though, as you know, it can be difficult to give accurate estimates. 

It sounds like your mum is well looked after in this lovely nursing home and it's great that she can stay where it's a nice environment and receive palliative care. It must be so hard though to see your mum so tired as well as doubly incontinent and in a wheelchair. It must be truly heart-breaking for you and it must be hard not to think about your dad and how you lost him to cancer. I thought I would share with you our information for Family, friends and carers which has useful tips on how best to support a loved one with cancer whilst also remembering to take care of yourself during this deeply anxious time. 

You are not alone though here as many other members of our community will have been in a similar position before and have had to look after a terminally ill loved one. I hope they will be along shortly and that they will come and say hello and share their story with you.

Best wishes to you and your mum, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator 

God bless you. My mum passed away last year with it. She was diagnosed at 80 but refused treatment and passed away aged 92. I hope you get more time with your mum . God bless you xx

Thank you Maz04

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum too. XX

Thank you, I met with the surgeon today and unfortunately mum's prognosis isn't great at all, he's advised she's 2 months maybe a bit more. I just can't take it all in. It's like this isn't happenin

I’m so sorry. Not the same diagnosis but my dad was given months due to stage 4 glioblastoma (brain tumour) and fought for 4 months at the age of 67.

I’m not going to lie it was the hardest 4 months ever but we got him home for 2 months post surgery, made him comfortable and made some great memories.

It’s still quite raw for us (7 weeks since his passing). It is quite surreal when you’re living it but the only advice I can give is just be there for your mum, talk about everything and try and be strong - I went on autopilot from when I found out the awful news. I’m slowly coming to terms with things but it’s hard. 

Again I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Surround yourself with family and friends as you’ll need them to vent, cry, get your head around. 

Take care

Hi Chris_83 I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for your kind words and for the advice. It does all feel very surreal. At the moment it feels like all the information isn't sinking in, it's like it's floating on the surface  if that makes sense? 

Hi Xena, thank you, I appreciate it. 

Yes that makes total sense, it’s a massive shock to the system when you hear the news. I remember being with my mum and dad post biopsy when the consultant told us and I completely lost it. It doesn’t ever really sink in but you learn to do what you need to do for the people you love, no matter what. 

It’s only just sinking in for us that my dad is gone, the new normal sucks big time. I’m just taking each day as it comes right now.

Try and do the things you both love doing as it will mean so much further down the line. We spent lots of time talking, laughing, listening to music, having a beer, watching films, going for a walk (even though it was me pushing him in a wheelchair), going to a concert. Those are the things I can now smile about even though it’s hard.

Take care of yourself and let me know if you need to vent. 

Chris 

Thanks Chris

Hey sending lots of love. I had a very similar conversation with my Dads consultant today. He is too weak to have any chemo. He had one session ithat put him into hospital. The cancer has spread rapidly. So I was advised to inform palliative care team who are coming on Monday to see Dad. I just feel like I’m in a bubble and I’m the only family Dad has. We have to stay strong for them don’t we ??? Sending you a big hug xxxx

Thank you and sorry to hear about your Dad. We have to stay strong. I visited my Mum today, she's already in a nursing home. They hoisted her into the bathroom and she was in so much pain ...then the staff mentioned there was some blood when she went to the toilet. She was then so exhausted she went back to bed. It's absolutely heartbreaking