Hi Sam and thank you for your reply.

I know just what you mean about jumping off this awful ride; that's exactly what I want to do too.  I went for a nice walk this morning in a lovely park which did help.  Problem is, I came home, had lunch and a nap but then (and it's the same in the mornings) when I wake up the situation just hits me again.  I think I need to make the mental adjustment that this nightmare is really happening then perhaps I won't feel so shocked by things.  It's just something I never expected as only one aunt (who I don't see as she lives far away) in my family has had this.

Sorry to hear you are unable to have friends and family around you; that must be tough going.  May I ask how you manage to relax (if you do?).  Any tips gratefully received.

Alison xx

Hi Alison,

 I cried every morning initially when I woke up, I'm glad to say it's improved slightly as the weeks have gone on. I hope it does for you to. I still have the occasional cry but it's mainly when I think about what is to come and worrying about the future. Glad you made it out today for a walk, I think fresh air and a bit of exercise certainly help.

   I have been keeping myself busy doing jobs around the house that I've been putting off for years. And trying to get things done and in place for when I'm out of action for a while post surgery. I bought a cross stitch kit thinking that would help me relax but I couldn't concentrate on it.  This week I found a relaxation/meditation thing on YouTube which I was a bit sceptical about but it really did work and I felt the most relaxed I have for ages.And my sleeping has definitely improved which I think has helped me to feel better. I can send you the link if you'd like to try it, I appreciate it's not everyone's thing. It's all about finding whatever works for you to make this anxious time a little easier.

  Sam x 

Hi Sam,

Strangely the last time I cried was a couple of weeks ago after the biopsy appointment when I was told that cancer was most likely, but since then I've not cried at all which is unlike me.  I can't help but think that a good cry would really help get the feelings out.

Please do send me the link for the meditation.  I've been looking through youtube for calming music myself; I also like the rain on tent sounds.  I go to sleep listening to that at night.

Your house jobs sound very productive!  I enjoy gardening so I try and busy myself with that, weather permitting.

Alison xx

Hi Mary

THanks for the update, glad to hear it was a bit better. I had loads of markers too, before i had chemo. do you have a nurse that looks after you?  I had a number I could call for any questions and a designated nurse.  I wouldn't always speak at that time and they would call back at a arranged time.  They might be able to let you know about your wig referral.  Sometimes they come to the hospital for fittings. Glad to hear you feel better after the shave!  I felt so relived too, rockin GI Jane, you can face whatever is thrown at you :)

Ah thats a relief you have the genetic results.  I dont have it either, just one of those anomolies eh.

I downloaded the couch to 5km app last night, one step closer to getting fitter.  if it doesn't rain I'll head out tomorrow yay!

Hugs

xx

Hi ladies,

Thought I would say halloo!  Your feelings are all normal, they say being diagnosed with cancer is like dealing with grief, you go through all the emotions.  I can deff vouch for that after loosing my dad quite a few years ago.  

I had my biopsies after the doctor referred me and I had lumps under my arm too which i didn't notice.  I had to wait 2 weeks for the official confirmation but back of my head i knew it was cancer esp as i did what you are not meant to do, err google breast cancer!!  I was numb for ages, even went back to work the next day like everything was normal.  it only hit me a few weeks later.  You will feel better once treatmet is under way, you then feel more in control.  The wait for scans was horrible and I convinced myself it was in my bones but all ok just my lymph nodes.

Its good you keeping busy but normal to have lots of different emotions and being confused.  I kept busy too pottering in the garden and painting.  i found loads of pots and bits to paint in the garden lol!  Throughout chemo, it was winter so i did walking when i could.  it did help with the fatigue and a good excuse to get out, I took my friends dog for a walk.  Do drink lots of water as you'll suffer with constipation if on EC.  You may be ok, but was hell for me lol!  The nurse gave me some stuff but still had to drink loads.  I finished my chemo in March and still drink a lot of water everyday, which they say helps your recovery. 

I use relaxation videos on utube too.  They did help me relax and sleep, I used a variety of different videos. I did one of those gem / diamond painting things.  They are so relaxing and easy to do, did help take my mind of things.

Its not easy going through this with covid hanging over our heads!  So be kind to yourself and take it one step at a time.

Let me know if there is anything else you want to know.

Sending you all big hugs

xxx

Thank you for your kind words.  Of course I'm worried that things may have spread but right now I've no symptoms of that so I guess I'm just hoping for the best and trusting that chemo can sort things out.

I was the opposite to you - found the lump under my arm first before the breast lump, which came as a surprise because the GP hadn't found it either.  Apparently I have dense tissue there which makes me not feel quite so bad for not finding it myself.

I think you're right about feeling better once I actually start 'fighting back', although unfortunately that will be a time when my physical health will start to dip.  I hope one day to be back in synch!

All the best,

Alison xx

Hi Alison, here is the link for the meditation that I found useful. I hope I've managed to attach it correctly as I'm not exactly a technical wizard. I usually rely on my teenage children to do this kind of stuff. Rain on the tent noise also sounds good. I have a noise box machine by the bed that has a selection of noises (rain included), I find it really helpful, especially when I'm on night shift as it drowns out the outside noise. 

https://youtu.be/JPjYIELBgCY

   I hope the weather is kind to you tomorrow and you can enjoy getting out in your garden 

   Take care Sam x 

Hi Mich 8,

  Thank you for your response  and reassurance. You may regret offering to answer questions - it's always good to be able to seek advice from someone who's been through it. Thanks again and take care Sam x 

 PS - what's a diamond/gem painting thing? 

Hi Ladies,

Ah I dont mind.  It will help with my recovering if I can offer any advice to fellow warriors!  Its weird throughout you have dates on when certain part of your treatment ends like chemo, rads etc and then once its all over you feel a bit lost.  I've read its normal as your life has been around hospital appointments for almost a year. I finished my rads at the end of June and have a follow up with oncologist on 11 Sep.  I had a left mastectomy so I'll see the consultant again next May to talk about reconstruction options.  But otherwise I'm doing ok, usual aches and pains after chemo but getting there.  One thing I have learnt is to be kind to my body and listen to my body too, which may sound a bit odd but there are days when you just dont want to do anything and thats ok, rest and have duvet days.  

My lump was 53mm so quite big, more of a mass and just appeard all of a sudden.  I did beat myself up a bit, thinking i should if known it was there earlier or checked my breasts better or looked out for more warning signs. Its really hard, as I'm relatively healthy and always think what did i do wrong to get it.  I put it down to eating too many choc digestives lol!  But then i realised it  can happen to any of us at any time and nothing we could of done differently.

not sure if this link will work from amazon -www.amazon.co.uk/.../ref=sr_1_26

Its like paint by numbers but with gemstones. 

Hugs xx

Thanks Sam.  The link worked so you're more technically capable than you think!  I've had a little listen and this is something I will try this afternoon.  I remember using deep breathing techniques during exercise (years ago!) to help me reach targets so I can see how this might be of use at this time too as it really focuses the mind.

Something I found useful this morning were the Victoria Derbyshire diaries that are available on youtube.  If you've not seen them, Victoria takes viewers through her mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy experiences.  It's not at all sensationalist (as journalists usually are!) and I thought it presented the treatments in a way that makes them sound doable rather than frightening and overwhelming.  One thing that struck me was that Victoria says we shouldn't hold cancer up as this uber-disease but see it as something that requires treatment which is all possible thanks to our NHS.  Of course everyone's experiences will be different but seeing this made things seem less daunting because I thought 'I could get through this'.  No doubt I will have a wobble later in the day(!) but I will try and ground myself with these thoughts.

Sorry for waffling on; I think I find it helpful sharing my thoughts like this with people in similar situations.

All the best,

Alison xx