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Struggling with it all

Witches
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hi all. My wonderful vibrant partner was diagnosed back in May with stage 4 Bowel cancer which we were told was totally curable so she was put on a curative path. Four sessions of chemo shrunk her tumour reduce tumour markers ...all going well until a spot was found on her liver. curative path changed to life limiting with maybe five years. Long story short this week we where told it has spread to her lungs and the prognosis is now months. To say we are devastated is an understatement. Her pain is being controlled at the moment with MST and oral morp and paracetamol. The whole thing is quite unbelievable and I am really struggling as she seems to have changed since the last visit which I do understand but find it so hard as I don’t recognise this person. Night times are worst as neither of us are sleeping properly and the I wake up in the morning with a dread in my stomach. I also hate that I seem to struggling. We have both said we are hating being on home alone....I don’t understand why we feel like this as we truly are each other’s soul mate!  Nothing seems to be helping at the moment

  • Offline in reply to Elaine25

    Hi Elaine25, cant get over how many people are going through this horrible journey,so never feel that you are alone this chat room has been a life saver to me, our prognosis from the start 2019 was only to slow it down not cure, (never told what stage he was or any time scale hubby doesnt want to know) like you my hubby keeps going,sadly the immunotherapy didn't work for him and the spots on his lungs have grown we will see on Tuesday what the latest results are and if he can start on a immunotherapy target tablets.

    Its strange I can write here of my fears and my heartbreak but unable to talk to family and friends, as I feel ashamed if I get emotional in front of them so it's easier  to say I fine and change the subject.To everyone out there take care.

     

  • Offline in reply to gutted

    Hi gutted

    Many thanks for your kind words, I sense that you understand exactly how I'm feeling and that helps enormously.

    I am completely in the wilderness and just don't know what to do with myself. I now have my husband's ashes back with me and although it probably sounds very odd to say, it is strangely cmforting, as I talk to him all the time and tell him what's been happening since he was cruelly taken, but it is incredibly difficult to deal with.

    I do sincerely hope that when your husband gets the results of his CT scan the news is good for you both for a change. Somebody, somewhere, is surely due some good news and I'll be thinking about you on Tuesday.

    Do take care.

    Much love

    Jay_S

  • Offline in reply to Jay_S

    Hi, 

    I hope you don't mind me jumping on here. My dad has kidney cancer and was diagnosed 6 years ago yesterday. The cancer has spread to his hip, lungs and stomach. We have struggled on, but now he is really becoming unwell. My dad likes to think of himself as a 'strong man', so if I ask how he feels he's always 'fine' but I know how poorly he is because I hear him tell my mum. I know about all my dads medical history and diagnosis' its just the how he's feeling he doesn't share. He's recently had a seizure, previously had a number of TIA's. 

    He is now feeling full all the time, sick, dizzy and in pain with his stomach. We are waiting for scan results to see what is going on, we wonder if possibly the stomach cancer has grown. I just wondered if you could advise me, as a daughter what I can possibly do to help? 

    I feel so drained with it and I'm desperate for life to carry on as normal (which I know sounds so selfish!). I feel I cannot talk to my mum as she has enough on, dad I will upset and my sister won't let me say anything remotely negative! Im totally stuck and feel like I'm in a black hole of sadness.

     

    [I am 24, working full time, living at home, with mum, dad and sister. Also trying to look after 85 & 83yo grandparents, nan had major opp to remover 70% of stomach in november due to stomach cancer and they are also terrified of Coronavirus!]

  • Offline in reply to Liz1256

    Hi Liz1256

    I don't mind you jumping in at all. You obviously know about my circumstances and perhaps I'm not the best person to be giving you any advice.

    However, having read your post it became very obvious what a strong young lady you've been, but just now you're overcome by everything that's happening in your young life, with very good reason I think.

    You didn't say if you and your Mum are normally on good terms, but maybe she's trying to shield you from the very cruel world of cancer. I'm so sorry that your Dad is going through some awful changes in his life, but it sounds to me that he is being very brave for his family. Your sister is also probably trying to shield you from the truth because she loves you, just as your Mum and Dad clearly do.

    It's very difficult, even in families to be open and direct with each other in times such as this. I also recall when my own Dad was very poory he didn't want my sister and I to be worried about him so he played everything down.

    I'm so sorry that I'm unable to offer you much constructive help, but have you tried speaking to your family doctor about your worries, or perhaps the Macmillen nurses. They are trained to give you help and advice. I'm just hoping that you're able to speak to someone to get you through some of your worries.

    You're a very special young lady if you're trying to cope with your Dad's condition as well as take care of your elderly grandparents who also have issues, but please give yourself a break because you deserve it.

    My own sister had been staying with me after my husband passed away and a few nights later she asked what was wrong when I was constantly crying, and asked 'is it the obvious'. Well, I had to tell her that nothing is wrong with me apart from the obvious, and I asked her 'isn't that enough'. She hasn't asked me again since.

    I know that you're desperately worried and I'd love to be able to help you, but I feel that you need professional help. However, if you just want to vent your feelings I'd be happy to listen any time as I'm sure others would on this site.

    Please take care.

    Much love,

    Jay_S

     

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