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2,586 Views 3 Replies Last post: Jan 12, 2013 1:38 AM by elkay RSS
snossy 3 posts since
Jan 10, 2013
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Jan 10, 2013 10:42 PM

kidney cancer inoperable

I have just lost my siste to cancer a few days ago, now my husband has inoperable kidney cancer. Have just found out today and feel like I have been sledgehammered. Any tips on how to drag yourself back up and get on with supporting those you love? At the moment I feel too upset to be of any ude

Baxter 10 posts since
Jan 3, 2013
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1. Jan 10, 2013 11:00 PM in response to: snossy
Re: kidney cancer inoperable

Very sorry to hear your sad news my dad died just before christmas of inoperable lung cancer, no words will make you feel better! Just be strong and spend as much time together as possible, family and friends are so important to help you through the bad times. never be alone and talk about your feelings, one thing I have learn't from this website your not alone, people are here to listen an have some great advice never feel alone thoughts are with you all x x

expat99 285 posts since
Dec 19, 2010
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2. Jan 11, 2013 7:48 AM in response to: snossy
Re: kidney cancer inoperable

Hi,

It hits you like a train but somehow the human spirit learns to adapt to a new normal.  My husband had his diagnosis of inoperable colon cancer (multiple mets to liver) and to begin with I kept going into meltdown particularly if i needed to tell someone new what was going on (my place of work was the key problem area here as I collaborate with a lot of different colleagues). 
Obviously i don't know the detail of your husband's diagnosis.  I found myself that I got greater strength from understanding what was likely to happen - they do say that knowledge is power! Remember that inoperable and terminal are not the same thing and that some people can live for some time with inoperable cancer if other treatments are effective. In my husband's case he has been on chemo on and off  for nearly 3 years; the cancer remains inoperable but he's still living with it.

Take care,

Expat

elkay 438 posts since
Feb 25, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
3. Jan 12, 2013 1:38 AM in response to: snossy
Re: kidney cancer inoperable

I saw your post last night Snossy but I had just driven my husband home from treatment in the hospice 30mls away and I just needed to get to bed to sleep and escape the nightmare for a few hours.  So I'm posting you today - even though the nightmare got worse during the night.

 

I am sad for you that you have to cope with this news so soon after losing your sister.  Of course you feel sledge-hammered.  What a great description!!  I used to say early in our "cancer journey" that we were participants in a Punch and Judy Show.  Every time we thought we were coping and popped our heads up, Punch would bludgeon us again with more bad news.

 

I'm not sure I have any tips for you.  I think it's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, minute by minute, hour by hour some days.  This news is life-changing for you both - and life-shattering too!!  No-one in their right minds would expect you to bounce back and cope just hours or days later.  It took me many weeks to even begin to cope well, let alone thrive, rather than just survive.  Ian and I are more than husband and wife - we are business partners, best friends, you name it.  When Ian dies, and it's looking as though it will be much sooner than I had hoped, I will lose more than just a husband.  And so, of course, the nearer that gets, the less well I am coping.  Ironically because I began to cope well a few months after Ian's diagnosis, it's coming as a surprise to people that the "strong" woman suddenly isn't so strong.  Well, of course I'm not, because it was a "sometime in the future" scenario before, and now it's within the next few months.

 

So I probably haven't helped you much Snossy - I wish I could - I wish I could help every loving wife come to terms with the serious illness and probable death of her beloved husband.  It's something we all imagine we will have to face one day in our eighties or nineties isn't it??  Inevitable - but a very long way off.  Cancer denies us that.

 

All the very best Snossy.  I hope you two have many, many months, if not years, before the cancer gets worse.

 

Lorraine

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