Cancer Chat online community
Hi,I'm new to this site.
Two weeks ago on a Sunday morning my mother was walking down the stairs when she collapsed towards the bottom, which the doctors later explained was due to a seizure. I called an ambulance for which I waited 2 hours for them to arrive. My mother had to remain in the same position for that entire time. When the ambulance finally arrived they believed my mother had the symptoms of a stroke, but she could have had a urine infection, so they took her to the UCLH stroke ward to be on the safe side. Luckily my mother did not have a stroke or a urine infection, but for unfortunately something a lot worse. At the hospital my mum had a lot of scans and the doctor stepped outside to tell me and my father that they had found some "abnormal tissue growth" on her brain which they soon identified as tumors. My mother remained at the stroke ward for a couple of days before she was transferred to a hospital which specialises in neurology. Last week they extracted a peice from her tumor to do a biopsy, and the results came out yesterday morning. At the hospital yesterday my father and I were told that my mother has grade 4 glioblastoma multiforme which is the most maligant form of brain cancer. We were told there is absolutely nothing the doctors can do to save her, and that both chemo and radiotherapy would only make her condition worse. Already one side of her body is paralysed and will not get better. Her speech has also changed. She seems to be quite vague, saying "yeah" a lot. She speaks three languages (English, French and Arabic) but struggled to communicate with me properly in French and Arabic. She is bed bound and now uses a wheelchair. At the moment my father and I are looking for a nursing home for her to be referred to as we are unable to look after her at home.
My mother is 59 years of age and has been there for me my entire life. She is my best friend and the person whom I am closest to the most. It's hard to believe only a few weeks ago she was walking and talking fine and looking after me, and now look where she is. It pains me to see her like this, I know her condition is only going to get worse over time. I don't know how I'm going to cope. I feel lost, alone and empty inside.
It is not surprising to me to read that you feel lost and alone. After all it has happened so quickly it has not really had time to register yet. I know what you are going through for I lost my mother to breast cancer just over six years ago and eventually it spread to her brain. Its very hard watching someone you love dearly suffering like your mother.
You say you don't know how to cope but you will find the strength from some where. All you can do is to make the most of the time you have left and tell her how much you love her. Its very hard to do but you have to try and appear strong both for you mother and your father's sake. I know that inside you will be worrying about what the future holds for you and your family. We all have a special bond with our mothers and it is different to what we have with our fathers somehow and I can see you have a very close bond with your mother.
Please come back here as often as you want for people on here will be very understanding of the turmoil you find yourself in.
Take care, best wishes, regards Brian
The thing is, she won't accept she is termanilly ill. She just keeps saying she's fine and that she wants to go home.
My dad won't let me cry and be upset because it apparently stresses him and he has a heart condition.
I'm only 18, its not like I have a husband and kids to be there for me.
I just want my mum back.
I can understand you situation more now you have explained about you father. My mother also didn't want to accept that it was terminal and she had great fighting spirit. Which in a way you have to admire your mother for she shows the same spirit. She may also be acting this way as she is concerned about you. I understand about why your father doesn't want you to cry but their are times when we just have to let loose out pent up feelings and have a good cry. Perhaps you could do this when your father is not around or maybe if you have a garden area. I wasn't able to do this until after the funeral.
I do understand what you feeling and what a roller coaster ride your emotions are going through right now and I have every sympathy for you.
Take care, Regards Brian
I am sorry to hear your news. It may help to contact Brainstrust and speak to Helen or Brain tumour uk. They have dedicated people who understand your mums condition and have helped many people in your exact situation and they understand. I know about this condition because I have been there with my young husband who passed away only a few weeks ago aged 44. You will be able to rant cry shout and ask all the questions you need with these people and you will not be judged. I don't know if it would benefit your dad but if you thought it was right you could pass this information on.
This will be a difficult road and it isn't fair and nothing I will be able to say will change where you are but you need support to help ou and well done for asking for t here. If you need the telephone numbers let me know and lots of love and luck.