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21,313 Views 15 Replies Last post: Jan 14, 2014 1:47 PM by keileih RSS 1 2 Previous Next
joanne 6 posts since
Apr 19, 2012
Currently Being Moderated

Apr 19, 2012 5:04 PM

coping with my dad dying

my dad has got lung cancer and has weeks to live we only found out a month ago and we are struggling. My dad is not just my dad he is my mate and im watching him die i hate it i cry and cry i try to keep it in when im with him cause he dont like seeing us like it but its so hard people say we are lucky that  we have this time with him to tell him things but my dad doesnt want to hear it he knows i love him and he loves me so theres not much else to say he has now mentioned what he wants for his funeral which is upsetting but atleast we know what he wants but having to see him like this is terrible i just dont want him to  suffer anymore but i dont want to let him go

Moderator_Jane 971 posts since
Sep 12, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
1. Apr 19, 2012 8:13 PM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

Hi Joanne

 

Your conflicting feelings of not wanting to let your dad go but not wanting him to suffer will be familiar to many on this site whose loved ones are ill. I hope others will be along shortly to offer you some support and that you get some comfort from coming here to talk at this difficult time.

 

Best wishes to you and your family.

 

Jane

claireabell 387 posts since
Jan 19, 2011
Currently Being Moderated
2. Apr 20, 2012 6:08 PM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

hi joanne

 

               sorry to hear about your dad. i can understand what you are saying. i lost my mum 11 months ago to lung cancer. its not nice to see them suffer. but we always want them to be with us. if i can help in any way i will. you will find the strenth to get through this. i dont no where it comes from but trust me you will find it.

  love claire xxx

emeraldp2 26 posts since
Apr 14, 2012
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3. Apr 21, 2012 11:47 PM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

Joanne my thoughts are with you, my dad has lung cancer stage 4 and his spread to his lymph nodes and ribs, we have not asked how long he has as at the moment he is not to bad, I know this is going to change probably sooner rather than later. He is starting radiotherapy on Monday to help his pain, and stop it spreading to his spine, like you I'm devastated and when I am with him I'm being so strong but the minute I get in my car to drive home im crying my eyes out. Mum was also diagnosed with breast cancer 3 weeks ago so I'm really struggling and so is my mum. It's just heartbreaking and my thoughts go out to you. I'm the only girl and a daddies girl I think my dad would be like yours and once you told him you love him and he says the same I know my dad would not want to hear it over and over again, as it must be heartbreaking from him too knowing that they are leaving their lovely family, thinking of you xxxxxx

Kate120 13 posts since
Mar 28, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
5. Apr 25, 2012 3:18 PM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

So sorry to hear your news. I think it is sometimes worse watching someone you love so much suffer than to deal with your own suffering. Really feel for and thinking of you and your family having to go through this terrible time.

 

My dad died 12 years ago of prostate cancer and suffered a lot. From this distance I would say that, although it is so painful that sometimes you want to run away (and sometimes you may need to get away for a while) the fact that you are doing everything you know how to do for your dad will stay with you and help you later. Now I have cancer myself I understand why my dad sometimes found it hard to be with us. Some days there is nothing I want more than to be with my children. On other days it is too painful to think about being parted from them, or I worry about what will happen to them. There isn't a right way to do this, it is just **** hard. What your dad wants will probably be different from day to day. If you can, just encourage him to be honest about what helps or what doesn't at a particular time, and try to go with it. Short visits, where you can hold on to some of your own anxiety for a little while, may be easier than long ones. Don't worry about there being nothing to say. As my friend said, when it comes to something like this, who's got the script?

 

Sending virtual hugs,

Kate

2007della 12 posts since
Apr 24, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
7. Apr 26, 2012 6:44 PM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

Hi Joanne, I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time but glad to hear your dad is still with us. It's very difficult when you are given a prognosis. When we were given my mums prognosis in jan, I dwelled on it but then remembered every person is an individual and not a statistic. I tell myself this every time I start to worry and panic. it's still tough.. Keep going lovely. Xx

emeraldp2 26 posts since
Apr 14, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
8. Apr 26, 2012 10:57 PM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

Jo you are doing great, your dad sounds just like mine he loves going to the bookies and as long as he is still going I am full of hope, he has had 5 treatments of Radiotherapy now another 7 to go but today we got told he has a chest infection and I am just so worried as he is still in so much pain.  They have now given him patches along with his other medication and I really hope this gives him some relief...  It's just awfull and your full of mixed emotions some days I just cry and can;t stop and other days I am fine, well as fine as I can be. My mum says my dad has been crying because like your dad my dad wants to live not die and it;s just heartbreaking.. My thoughts are with you xxx  Like you I have found this web site fantastic people are so supportive and I honestly don;t know where I would be without it... XX Everyone is just so kind and understanding...

lornaenslin 2 posts since
May 3, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
9. May 3, 2012 7:55 PM in response to: claireabell
Re: coping with my dad dying

Hello Claire, I've just read your post to Joanne, re finding the strength to cope with her Dad dying, and it has helped me enormously, thank you. I'm in a similar position, watching my very precious Dad fade away, but tonight, you've helped me, and I know both he and I will sleep tonight. Thank you again, god bless.

emeraldp2 26 posts since
Apr 14, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
10. May 13, 2012 6:05 PM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

Hi Joanne I just wanted to find out how you are getting on and how is your dad. My dad has now finished his radiotherapy and we now need to wait for a month before we see it it has helped. He has been doing okay, they are finally getting his pain under control which gives him a relief and can now even do some things.  Sometimes when i see him I need to remind myself that he is dying of cancer and then all the pain comes flooding back.  But I just wanted to check that your okay and hope your dad is okay...  Thinking of you...  Ger  xxx

mistymay 6 posts since
May 13, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
11. May 14, 2012 8:39 AM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

Hi Joanne,

I understand how you are feeling and my heart goes out to you. I think you are coping really well at this difficult time.  I found out on easter weekend that mum has a brain tumour and only weeks left.It was very sudden and I'm still in shock how quick it has happened, Like you, I try to be strong, especially when I am with her. I have done my best not to cry in front of her.  Mum is loosing her memory, some days worse than others.  She tries to say what she wants me to do after she has died which, is hard to listen to, but then she's forgets and tells me again on the next visit!  Each time we talk about it she is comforted to know that I will deal with everything. I think your dad will feel the same. Hang in there, take one day at a time,  I will be thinking of you

Parky49 21 posts since
Jun 11, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
12. Jun 11, 2012 11:22 PM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

Dear jo,

 

Just had to say hello and wated to give you a big hug, via the computer.  My dad also has terminal lung cancer, started in his throat but spread and now there is nothing to be done but wait.  My world, like yours collapsed when i was told the news about my dad, my super dad dad, my strong dad, who could beat anyone and anything..i look at him now and he looks nothing like the man he was two years ago, cancer is a horrible, vicious disease that takes the ones we love so much so far away from us..i know you are going through what i will be going through in the next 6/12 months and i can only say be there for the people that need you, your dad, mum, other family members, try and stay strong together..and i know you have prob told him countless times but keep telling your dad just how much you love him..he might not always say it back as he might not always have the strength but please tell him..he wont say it (like my dad) but it will mean the world to him...im thinking of you, please dont feel alone because you are really not xx

 

lornaenslin 2 posts since
May 3, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
13. Jun 30, 2012 10:05 PM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

Hello Joanne, I've been reading thru the various posts and thinking of you. How are you doing?, how is your Dad?. I'm praying

and hoping that he's still with you. It's an uphill battle, but it's amazing where the strength comes from. Sending virtual hugs, god bless.

Zaswza2002 6 posts since
Nov 24, 2013
Currently Being Moderated
14. Nov 24, 2013 8:55 AM in response to: joanne
Re: coping with my dad dying

Hello Joanne, My dad has recently died of lung cancer and it's horrible. But I like to think of it as he's been relised of the pain that he had while he was alive.

Sometimes thats the best thing. From Zaswza2002

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