Cancer Chat online community
2 weeks ago my darling wife 41yrs of age and mother of our 2 children was diagnosed with bowel/liver cancer and has just started her first course of chemo,i feel so alone and am finding it so hard to come to terms with as i am 14 years older than my wife and would swap places in a heartbeat ,our life has turned into a train crash in just 4 weeks ...i feel so angry and cheated that our daughter will not grow up with a mother and have no idead how i will eve cope with the future ,as i write this tears stream down my face and have done for 3 weeks they just wont seem to stop ..............my family are my life i have no close family or friends and just am desperatly trying to be strong for her but its so hard ..
Hello, i am so sorry to hear this terrible news, your heart break is so plain to see in the words that you have written.x
You are still in the very early days and are shocked at the news of course.
We will try to help you, there are so many kind and caring people on here who will soon come along and help you through this awfull time.
I am the one with cancer in our marriage, it is so hard for me to watch my husband suffer knowing he will lose me soon and be alone.... we are very close as you two are, it is hard but you can make each day special and with treatment it is possible to live for a lot longer than was thought before.
I was told 2 to 3 months left to live (lung cancer) and i am still holding on by the skin of my teeth over 18 months later.
many thanks for your response debbie ,i'm afraid my post sounds a lot like i am feeling sorry for myself which of course i am ,but i am still giving all the support i possably can to lisa my wife ,its just so hard as every one on here knows ,at the moment i am getting lots of support from lisa's family but fear this will fade away once that awful day comes when i have to say good bye to my soulmate .. its not just the loss of my gorgeous wife but the fear of how will i cope supporting my 2 kids and what if i dont get back to work or even what if my job is no longer their when i come to return...life is so cruel and its the good ones that seem to be stricken down with this awful disease ...every day is a nightmare and i dread the day when i see in my wifes eyes that she has given up on life although i know she will fight to the very end to bewith us all as long as possable ..its just so noce to be able to read other peoples similar experiences and know i am not alone in this despair i feel ..
Take a deep breath and try to slow your brain down, you're thinking way too hard. Really sorry to hear about Lisa (can I use her name instead of just saying "your wife"), but treatment is a wonderful thing. You've just been dealt the blow so of course all these questions run through your mind in one go, things will happen all in the space of time, you'll be amazed what you can deal with, just try and give yourself a bit of time to get your head round things.
A completely different scenario, but I was a single mum to a 4 and a 6 year old and never once did I think i can't do this,,, yes it's hard but you gotta do what you gotta do to keep body and soul together (yip even juggling 3 jobs), leave that worry for another day, concentrate on helping Lisa come to terms with things and enjoy being a family.
One worry at a time eh?
Log in anytime you need to sound off, we're always here to help in any way we can, you're not alone you know.
I am so sorry thi sis happening to you and your children. It is so hard as a carer to be strong and cope with the way you feel too.
My husband , who is 12 years older than me, has terminal cancer which was diagnosed in July this year. He is my soulmate and like you I fear for the future but I only have myself to look after. Although I try to stay positive those nights wehn I cannot sleep seem so long and lonely. I have not been on here for very long but I always log on....it is so good to hear and see what other people have to say.
A friend of mine asked me yesterday how I cope and will cope - and I do not know. I waited a long time for John and I do know that he has given me so much that I will take forward with me. I lived alone for a long time so I know I can do that....but I have never had to do it without John.
Please keep posting and sharing with us....we cannot know exactly how you feel but so many of the posts i have read resonate with me it is good to know there are threads that we can all identify with. Sending hugs Helen x
my heart reaches out to you and your family and wish your darling wife well, am in a similar possition, although my children are in their late teens. I have not been on this train for very long, but empathise with your story, the shock is just huge and we all have questions but no answers, every thing happens so slowly or quicklydepends on how you look at things. I have tried not to let this define me and maintain some attempt at objectivity, making every minute count with my hisband, but it is difficutlwhen he is so ill that he just wants to be left. in truth, we have no choice, we are parents and we have to be poeple we are not, stong assertive when in truth i am really frightenned, every time i go into his room - well, you wil
l know the questions.
today, i took a walk in " gods meadow" as i call it, with only my beloved labradoor as a witness, well him in the clouds got it both barrels, the truth came out, and i have to say that just being able to say the most intimate things in my heart helped, today, so i shall continue on gods meadow as i march through the autumn and winter of this awful illness, and will hold your hand in comfort
Hi dgm, Sorry to hear yet another person hit by this particular train. I'm in a similar posiiton, my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer, mets to liver, in January of last year and has been on chemo on and off ever since... but he's still around. I remember being shocked last February when one of the doctors referred to 'palliative treatment' and I assumed he meant terminal. But it was more a case of surgery not being an option as the cancer had already spread. If your wife's starting chemo, and has your support, take advantage of the time you have together - and it may well be longer than you (or the clinical team) are guessing. Keep in touch, Expat
thank you all for your kind support ,i do really appreciate the fact that you all really know whats it like to live daily with the cancer effect,and we all know that no one else out their really appreciate the kind of days we all face wether it be us or our loved ones ,yesterday my doctor asked me how i felt ,and i said i felt like i had driven our car complete with my wife and 2 kids of the edge of a cliff and we were still falling towards the impact that was inevitabley coming at the bottom and even knowing this was still unable to comprehend what lies ahead for us all. ..bless you all for your support it means so much ..
Hello DGM, how is Lisa doing this week? hope she is coping with the treatment.
Its not long to christmas now 4 weeks or so, i am going to try to have a good christmas as good as possible any way.
Do you have a vidio camara? i say this because last year we thought would be my last and my middle son Joe brought a vidio camera to record me on, just talking about when they were little and things we did as a family at christmas time. It will be lovely for your children when they are older and you too of course.
I hope that your wifes family will help you when you need them to.
Really sorry that your lovely little family are facing this my family and many others too, life is very strange, i always have said everything happens for a reason, i just hope that it is true.
Love to you all, Deb.xxx
Nice to see you've logged back in again....how is Lisa doing? Should really ask how you're doing to, most folk forget about those in the supporting role, but they are just as important. Hope you're getting a bit of support yourself, it's just a shame that e are all so wide spread, I bet we would have some get togethers to ease the burdens if we all lived a bit closer together, the power of modern technology though.
Please keep coming on and keep us poted on how you're doing.
We're here when you need us
lisa has started her 2nd cycle of chemo today so missing her like mad ,she had to have a blood tranfusion before they could go ahead because of her blood count level or something ,is this normal .?/
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Try not think tooo much of what happens further down the line you will deal with that when it happens.
My dad had blood transfusions every 3-4 weeks while on chemo. It is to do with the blood count not comning up fully before the next chemo. I think it must happen a bit as saw others getting transfusions also
Stay strong and enjoy every day with your wife,
Sounds normal to me, I had my bloods tested before every chemo and was borderline a few times but never actually needed a transfusion. If you have any questions just ask one of the nurses, mine were only too happy to answer questions. My first few cycles went in ok, then I hit a wee patch where veins collapsed and they needed a few attempts to get the needle in another vein, just to give you the heads up incase this comes up.
Try and stay strong and let us know how you're both doing.......remember you've gotta be down to come back up again, it's a bit of a rollercoaster.
went to see her yesterday and she looked shocking ,they dont seem to be able to get a handle on the nausea,she feels it all the time ,face looked red and bloated really upset me ..how i wish i could swap places with her she doesnt deserve this ...just got back today and she is looking better fingers crossed she may be allowed home late tonight ,about 11.00pm the chemo finishes ,,i suppose we are quite lucky in that we live in sheffield so the journey isnt too bad for us ,weston park is am amazing cancer hospital..i know some people have immense journeys to endure which cant be good ..
And how are you managing? Your wife is in good hands. Has anyone spoken to you to try and give you a heads up on the side effects? To me nausea, lack of appetite, mouth ulsers, dehydration, then being ravenously hungry were all part of the routine.
I hope she gets home, a night in your own bed always make you feel better.
Keep us posted on how you both are.
Oh, and for the record pet, none of us deserve this..........and the ones who probably do seem to get off scot free.