Cancer Chat online community
My lovely husband was diagnosed out of the blue in July this year with primary lung cancer that has spread to his bones and liver. He had not felt well for a while but because he was diagnosed with COPD 5 years ago then we led to believe it was related to that....but it is not and they have given him months.
It is a real roller coaster ride and as I am sure so many of you know it is so hard to deal with. It feels unreal a lot of the time as if it is all happening to someone else. then another day it hits one or both of us like a train.
We can talk and have about many things but the anger seems to be coming out and also the pain. I try to keep strong for him but find myself breaking down at the strangest times.
everything has changed so much.
I have just replied to your response on the other thread and then saw this.
I am so , so sorry you are both going through this. It takes a while for it all to sink in , and for my man and I, it took a long while to go through a period of acceptance. .I too kept breaking down at odd times, thoughts just come into your head.
I try to tell myself every day what I am about to tell you... ....... Make beautiful memories.....seize the moment .....live in the 'now', tomorrow will take care of itself.....Keeping positive is everything, miracles do happen,....talk,talk,and more talk,laugh and cry,...When emotions subside, live ,live, live. How you will manage to do these things,I know not, as I am struggling also ,but you will as I will, because you are given the strength from I know not where to cope with it as I will be too.
I hear you too...... In my thoughts x
Dear Crossstichgirl, I have just found this chatroom and have joined it to reply to you. My husband has bi-lateral lung cancer and COPD. No treatment has been offered as he was already very breatheless and he was told he wasn't suitable for any of the treatment options. I feel as you must. It is so hard to watch as he is just fading away. I hope you are getting some support, we have very little. Some of it is my husbands fault as he still smokes and hates taking any tablets. He is very depressed but trying to find any sort of support is impossible. He is so weak sometimes that he can't move for a while. I know he is frightened of dying but he won't talk to me about it. It has changed our whole lives. Everything is arranged around what he can or can't do. All I want is someone to pop in sometimes and just sit and have a chat. He is so against the Macmillians and to be fair to him all they offer is help with benefits which we can't claim. There don't seem to be local groups to join and he can't travel far.
Sorry to whinge on, you are having the same sort of worries. It is so nice to be able to talk to someone who understands. Its hard to know that someone you have spent a lifetime with is going to be gone soon and there is nothing we can do about it.
Dear daisymay thank you so much for responding to my post. So much of what you say resonates with me and i feel for you. Mu husband is now sitting in a recliner chair most of the time watching televison. If he gets up to go to the loo or just to sit up and eat he is in so much pain. The cancer has spread to his back and despite eating well at the moment he is becoming so thin. He fell last week and broke his left upper arm and we were lucky he survived the op to pin it.
If people are not in this situation - with the person you love slipping away little by little every day - they cannot understand the myriad feelings that result. I am a positive person but i find it so hard to be positive and realistic when i can see what the outcome will be. The helplessness, frustration, anger, sadness and at the same time numbness is overwhelming.
We have a MacMillan nurse whi is ok but not the warmest person in the world! our GP is supportive but busy but we have a good nurse specialist in the oncology unit who is good at responding to things as they change.
But I miss the jokes, the hugs, our partnership, sharing meals, talking in bed before we go to sleep - but mostly I miss him as he is slipping away little by little.
I am happy to " listen" any time. Being a full time carer is hard when it has happened so quickly and so overwhelmingly. You are not whingeing but sharing and I thank you for that. I may not always respond as quickly as i would like but will aklways do so eventually. Love and hugs Helen xxx
wellcome crossstichgiril, daisymay my heart goes out to you both i fully understand what yous are going through true it is no,one knows nor understands how it feels to loose a husband the only person you share your love, joy, happyness, with, hes your best freind. soulmate.my darling husband sadly passed away, 11/07/2011, due to lung, cancer, that spread to his lymph nodes, chest wall, brain, he was only 55yrs, leaving me a widow at 49, we had been together 34yrs, our children are grown up adults with kids of there own, my husband wasnt into having mcm,nurses i was the one whom watched him suffer pain also most heart breaking was fade away despite me telling our kids that there dad was terminal no one seemed to notice the changes but me, he lost all interests not the man i married, i knew the end was near the day he spoke out loud my mums name also stareing out the window from the chair he sat on i used see him wave yet whom to, they say time heals, only its got worse for me, you see we done everything together, shopping, have meals together. now theres total emptyness staying alone my hearts broken, never will it mend, so i share, your pain, iv got a councilor again what wouid they know it hasnt happened to them. nor wouid i wish that upon anyone, please keep in touch my thoughts are with yous both,
lots of love liz
Dear liz Thank you so much for sharing how you feel with me. I always fel so honoured when that happens. I am so sorry you are feeling so low. I have only been married for 13 years and my husband is 68, I am 56. I am his second wife so sometimes thigs become very complicated as his 3 adult kids mostly see me as the devil incarnate.
We went to the oncologist today and she has referred John for more radiotherapy. He has lost lots of weight in the last 5 weeks despite having a good appetite. it is so hard to see him slipping away daily. Please message again if it helps. I will be thinking about you. Much love Helen xx
hi helen i realy feel for you let his kids think say what they want end of the day your his wife always will be youve got your rights till death yous do part, never let anyone put you down, nor try to take over please keep in touch keep your head high i totaly symphayes with you as its a very hard difficult time for you your husband is lucky to have such a careing wife thats what you are
lots of love takecare from liz xx
WONDERFUL advice! I know yours is an old post but this is the situation I'm facing now. My husband has stage 4 gallbladder cancer that we found out about two weeks ago. Your post has lifted my spirits. Thank you so much.
crossstitch girl im so sorry to hear about your husband please please try and stay strong for him i know what you are going though im going though it with my mum its hard i know that damm hard and i send you hugs .mum has only been given 6 0r more months to live and me being her carer have to be strong for her as she is not to bad at the moment but i do know how you feel if you need to cry i go out side but the last 2 or 3 days ive not cryed thing is dont let it build up else it wont do you any good be strong if you can my love my heart goes out to you and all xx