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7,774 Views 13 Replies Last post: Aug 11, 2013 5:05 PM by SaschaLand RSS
SaschaLand 13 posts since
Jul 18, 2013
Currently Being Moderated

Jul 18, 2013 11:52 AM

My boyfriend has cancer

Cancer sucks bigtime. I met my boyfriend online almost two years ago (I was bored and just came from a bad break up then). We just talked for some time and lost touch eventually for I didn't go online for quite some time. Then, boredom struck me again one day and he was online. So, I buzzed him and started messaging again everyday. I started to fall for him and him to me. But started to send me away the day he first said 'I love you.' I was so devastated and couldn't understand why he is sending me away when he just told me he loves me. He started ignoring my messages and stopped communicating for a day or two. But he just couldn't do it so he started sending me short messages again...Well, to cut the story short, he became my boyfriend and then I learned from his friend that he has cancer (Spinal primarily but now in lungs and going up to his brain). Like your story, when I first learned about it, I was very calm and I thought, he will make it. We still messaged all the time. Not until about 4 months ago when he said he's going to India for treatment (He was in Sweden before). Messaging started to slow down and it's just almost hi, how are you and then he's gone again. Now, he said he is in China because treatment in India isn't that good. I also learned that he started chemotherapy in China. Now, we barely talk and when he messages me it's very short ones and he's like not in the mood to talk to me. 
I barely know anything from his disease as he never lets me in. He always says he is okay when I ask him but I doubt it. I just wanna be there for him, you know? But it seems like he just shuts me off everytime. Whenever I catch him online and he doesn't message me , I get ****** off.. Then he says he is messaging his friend. I'm just wondering why he can confide to his friend and not to me...

This may be very selfish of me as I am just thinking of myself when he is the one that's sick but God knows how much this is killing me.. I just want him to be okay and healthy. I just want up to be happy together like any other couple that I see.

woodworm 3,369 posts since
May 25, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
1. Jul 18, 2013 9:23 PM in response to: SaschaLand
Re: My boyfriend has cancer

Hi SaschaLand,

Welcome to Cancer Chat and thanks for sharing your story. It is not unusual for men with cancer to act like this. I have read of several cases like yours since I joined over a year ago. I think it's because he may in his eyes be trying to protect you by not telling you too much about his cancer. You are not selfish by the way, it's just that his actions are sending confusing messages.

Please keep in contact, take care, Brian

woodworm 3,369 posts since
May 25, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
3. Jul 19, 2013 7:12 AM in response to: SaschaLand
Re: My boyfriend has cancer

Oh Sasha,

You sound a very loving and caring person and your boy friend is lucky to have you there for him. I admire you for sticking with him for I have read on here of cases where when one person has been diagnosed with cancer, the wife/husband/partner has said they cant cope and have just left.

Cancer is a very scary thing Sasha and I would expect your boyfriend is feeling very scared and also very confused.  By trying to distance himself from you he is probably trying to protect you, but I get the feeling, you are like me in that I would much sooner know the truth. Indeed while I was still having tests, the doctors/specialists didn't mention the word cancer to me so I asked outright in the end. I feel when you know what your dealing with, it's easier to get your head around it, its the not knowing that so hard to deal with so I do understand what you are going through. Often we cant think straight in situations like this and it plays havoc with our emotions.

Three years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer with a psa of 70 which is quite high. But after two years of hormone therapy and 37 radiotherapy appointments, my psa is now the lowest they can measure at 0.01. I know of a man whose psa was just a little higher than mine an he didn't survive. The reason I am telling you this is to show you that things may not be as bad as you think.

Please take care, hope that boyfriend of yours realizes the hurt he is unintentionally causing you however well intended and please stay in contact.

Best wishes, Brian.


woodworm 3,369 posts since
May 25, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
5. Jul 19, 2013 12:33 PM in response to: SaschaLand
Re: My boyfriend has cancer

Hi Sasha,

Please, you do not have to apologise for ranting on here. This site is the ideal place to rant rage or whatever for people know what you are suffering and will not judge you. It's no wonder you feel so alone but yet again that is something so many people feel especially when they are not able to talk to family or friends. That's why this site is so needed and why so many people are on here to get support for themselves or to help others.

Sometimes when there is a history of cancer in the family, one is more likely to get it. For instance if a man has a close male relative with prostate cancer he is two and a half time more likely to get it. Plus if he has close female relatives who have had breast cancer this also increases the risk. Well my father had prostate cancer and I have lost my mother, grandmother and an aunt to breast cancer . So It is not surprising I got prostate cancer and I too have never smoked and is the reason why I spend time on  here to try and help others.

You say you are not a strong person Sasha, but I dissagree. I think we are all stronger than we think and it's often not untill we experiance something like this that we find out how strong we are. A weak person would have given up but you are still there for you boyfriend, despite him not involving you.

Anytime you feel the need to rant, please do not hesitate to come back on here Sasha. Take care best wishes, Brian.


woodworm 3,369 posts since
May 25, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
7. Jul 20, 2013 10:44 AM in response to: SaschaLand
Re: My boyfriend has cancer

Hi Sasha,

I do feel so sorry for you trying to deal with this situation all on your own. You are not doing anything bad and you don't deserve what you are going through Sasha. Cancer literally does destroy peoples lives and dreams. Life itself is not fair sometimes with an unfair burden falling on some families while other never seem to have any major problems at all. Take care and try to stay strong, Best wishes, Brian.

rabla 20 posts since
Jul 18, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
8. Jul 27, 2013 3:48 PM in response to: woodworm
Re: My boyfriend has cancer

heyy!!
woodworm i wanna ask u smthngg..

plz can u send me a msg?

woodworm 3,369 posts since
May 25, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
9. Jul 27, 2013 4:13 PM in response to: rabla
Re: My boyfriend has cancer

Hi Rabla,

I have not seen your name on here for some while. I hope that you are keeping well Rabla. My psa (re my prostate cancer) has now been the lowest it can be for sixteen months now so things are still looking good and I feel sure this will continue.

If I remember right you used to chat with Sofia who we also haven't heard of for some while. I also have noticed you joined this great forum over just twelve months ago. Time passes so quickly.  Please take care, sending best wishes your way, Brian

woodworm 3,369 posts since
May 25, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
12. Aug 11, 2013 9:07 AM in response to: SaschaLand
Re: My boyfriend has cancer

Hi Sasha,

I must apologise for not getting back to you. I did read your post and meant to reply but somehow completely forgot. I am so sorry.

Sasha, I am amazed that your boyfriend wont speak to you over something as simple as having your hair cut. He should appreciate you for what you are, and as someone who really cares for him. Take care, Brian

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