Cancer Chat online community
This may be very selfish of me as I am just thinking of myself when he is the one that's sick but God knows how much this is killing me.. I just want him to be okay and healthy. I just want up to be happy together like any other couple that I see.
Welcome to Cancer Chat and thanks for sharing your story. It is not unusual for men with cancer to act like this. I have read of several cases like yours since I joined over a year ago. I think it's because he may in his eyes be trying to protect you by not telling you too much about his cancer. You are not selfish by the way, it's just that his actions are sending confusing messages.
Please keep in contact, take care, Brian
Thank you so much for your reply. I am really scared. I am so scared to open up my phone and finding out he still hasn't messaged and I'm so scared that I won't get any message from him anymore.
I tried to message his bestfriend and kept on asking for an update but I don't get a reply from him anymore. It's like they're all hiding things from me. I am not sure if I like this situation better than me being aware of what's happening.
I don't know if I wanna be surprised one day and knowing he just passed (the thought alone makes me feel guilty) or the other way around. I don't know. Sometimes, just giving up and moving on on our situation crosses my mind but at the end of the day, I still wanna stick around and be there for him. I'm not going to leave him just because he has this awful disease. I think, though it may seem like there're no hope, (since 90% of the posts I've read here has lost the battle) , miracles still happen, the bible says so. It's the only thing I am holding on to now. I don't know. I am so confused, lost and restless..
You sound a very loving and caring person and your boy friend is lucky to have you there for him. I admire you for sticking with him for I have read on here of cases where when one person has been diagnosed with cancer, the wife/husband/partner has said they cant cope and have just left.
Cancer is a very scary thing Sasha and I would expect your boyfriend is feeling very scared and also very confused. By trying to distance himself from you he is probably trying to protect you, but I get the feeling, you are like me in that I would much sooner know the truth. Indeed while I was still having tests, the doctors/specialists didn't mention the word cancer to me so I asked outright in the end. I feel when you know what your dealing with, it's easier to get your head around it, its the not knowing that so hard to deal with so I do understand what you are going through. Often we cant think straight in situations like this and it plays havoc with our emotions.
Three years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer with a psa of 70 which is quite high. But after two years of hormone therapy and 37 radiotherapy appointments, my psa is now the lowest they can measure at 0.01. I know of a man whose psa was just a little higher than mine an he didn't survive. The reason I am telling you this is to show you that things may not be as bad as you think.
Please take care, hope that boyfriend of yours realizes the hurt he is unintentionally causing you however well intended and please stay in contact.
Best wishes, Brian.
I am really happy for you, that you have survived cancer, I really am. You are an inspiration. I really hope that you just keep on getting better and continue to live life with your family.
Yeah, my chest had been really heavy for the past months since I got into relationship with him. The distance, his illness, the lack of communication and attention given in the relationship, etc.. would've made other people leave. But I have committed into this and I just wanna make it work--would be easier though if we'd work together through it but that's not what's happening. I know I have to be very strong but honestly, I am not a strong person. I haven't faced much problems as a child, I was used to having things easy. Maybe that's why I am getting this thing now. I just feel so alone and I feel like I just have to contain all these things in my chest.
I don't understand how a person who doesn't smoke (he smoked only once) and is so young (he's just 26) could ever get that disease and discover in such a late stage. Such a misfortune!
Sorry, really, for ranting in here.
Please, you do not have to apologise for ranting on here. This site is the ideal place to rant rage or whatever for people know what you are suffering and will not judge you. It's no wonder you feel so alone but yet again that is something so many people feel especially when they are not able to talk to family or friends. That's why this site is so needed and why so many people are on here to get support for themselves or to help others.
Sometimes when there is a history of cancer in the family, one is more likely to get it. For instance if a man has a close male relative with prostate cancer he is two and a half time more likely to get it. Plus if he has close female relatives who have had breast cancer this also increases the risk. Well my father had prostate cancer and I have lost my mother, grandmother and an aunt to breast cancer . So It is not surprising I got prostate cancer and I too have never smoked and is the reason why I spend time on here to try and help others.
You say you are not a strong person Sasha, but I dissagree. I think we are all stronger than we think and it's often not untill we experiance something like this that we find out how strong we are. A weak person would have given up but you are still there for you boyfriend, despite him not involving you.
Anytime you feel the need to rant, please do not hesitate to come back on here Sasha. Take care best wishes, Brian.
I'm alone in my room again, and I feel so down. It's like I'm so alone on this.
I wanna message him how sad I am but it might just stress him out.
I wanna message his friend again but I might just be annoying.
I am away from my friends or family.
It's so unfair. It's so unfair how this is happening. Many people are wondering what good did they do in their lives to deserve so much happiness--and I wonder how bad I am doing with my life to deserve so much pain!
I think, it would be less painful if he still communicated with me for we can do it together!
What I just tell myself is that, he may be really weak and in pain to be able to read my message but not reply.
But things like: he may be already tired with my drama that's why he's just ignoring me. Or there might be someone else out there taking care of him.
I'd never know as I'm so far. I know it's stupid to think that but my mind is really messed up.
I don't know how much pain can he take until he gives up! He should know that this is so hard and painful for me that I wish it happened the other way around. Me being sick, and him worrying so much.
I do feel so sorry for you trying to deal with this situation all on your own. You are not doing anything bad and you don't deserve what you are going through Sasha. Cancer literally does destroy peoples lives and dreams. Life itself is not fair sometimes with an unfair burden falling on some families while other never seem to have any major problems at all. Take care and try to stay strong, Best wishes, Brian.
I have not seen your name on here for some while. I hope that you are keeping well Rabla. My psa (re my prostate cancer) has now been the lowest it can be for sixteen months now so things are still looking good and I feel sure this will continue.
If I remember right you used to chat with Sofia who we also haven't heard of for some while. I also have noticed you joined this great forum over just twelve months ago. Time passes so quickly. Please take care, sending best wishes your way, Brian
Sorry I haven't been ere for some time. Anyway, my boyfriend will b celebrating his birthday in a month. And I wanna surprise him.
Please mind that he is in the hospital and we are apart from each other. Any ideas on what to do?
Thank you in advance!!!
Well, I think, we don't need a birthday surprise anymore. He got mad at me and he wouldn't talk to me anymore just because I had my hair cut.
How pathetic is that? I'm so broken now. All these things I've put through for him, it's like he never appreciates me.
I must apologise for not getting back to you. I did read your post and meant to reply but somehow completely forgot. I am so sorry.
Sasha, I am amazed that your boyfriend wont speak to you over something as simple as having your hair cut. He should appreciate you for what you are, and as someone who really cares for him. Take care, Brian
That's what I told him. I think, it's very petty. I'm thinking there must be a bigger reason behind that. And if he doesn't want this relationship anymore, he should just tell me upfront and stop playing mind Games. I never felt he appreciates all the effort I have for him
I keep on thinking on breaking up with him but I just can't because I always think of how he will feel..but it's like he just won't do the same for me. It's so hard being with him..an unappreciated in return.