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15,418 Views 14 Replies Last post: Mar 17, 2012 6:30 PM by mother RSS
2 posts since
Jul 5, 2008
Currently Being Moderated

Jul 5, 2008 12:25 PM

missing someone!

 

I'm not really sure how to start! I'm 19 years old and i lost my dad to liver cancer when i was 12.

I was very confussed when he died because i did'nt know what was going on. My mum has said i was told but then i would have been to young to understand fully and i don't remember been told, maybe i blanked it out? who knows! 

Anyway, now i am old enough to understand i am finding things really difficult. When he was around i never wanted him around but now he has gone i want him more than anything!

I know it was a long time ago now but im finding it much more harder now than when he passed away! I don't like to talk to my partner or mum about it because it upsets them knowing im upset and i find it hard to talk to people close to me even though i know they are the best ones to talk to!

I just want to know why i am feeling like this now after all this time?

 

Jodi x

 

 

1 posts since
Jul 5, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
1. Jul 5, 2008 10:44 PM in response to: podrick23
Re: missing someone!

 

Hi Jodi

 

 

 

 

 

I understand how you feel, I lost my mum 3 years ago and although I am older than you it still hurts and confuses me.

 

 

My mum battled for 5 years and it was an awful time. I can't give you answers or take the pain away but you are not alone and I always find it helps to talk about my mum, some days I still go to phone her. Don't feel bad for feeling sad or upset , to me it does not matter how much time has gone by but how you feel if you have lost a loved one is still important.

 

 

Take care, M

 

 

2 posts since
Jul 6, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
2. Jul 6, 2008 11:35 AM in response to: podrick23
Re: missing someone!

 

Hi Jodi,

 

 

I lost my boyfriend to cancer about 7 months ago. He was just 31 and with him I felt like I lost my entire future and everything I had planned for my life. I think when you lose someone its often expected that you will grieve and then you will "get over it ", I dont think thats what happens at all. If its 6 days, 6 months or 6 years later you are still living your life without someone who should be there to be part of it. I don't think you should worry about the time scale or why your feeling sad now, its just how you feel and only you know how that is so just go with and try and talk to your loved ones. I know your worried that they will be upset that your hurting but I bet they would be more upset to think that your hurting alone.

 

 

In the future I guess its realising that theres no "getting over it"and that alright to admit. Its OK to be sad it OK to miss your Dad but what you can do is try really hard to have a brilliant life. I'm sure your dad would have wanted nothing more than to see you grown up and happy and taking a great big bite out the world, I'll bet that would be the greatest gift you could give to him.

 

 

Good luck and take care of yourself.

 

 

Treaisa x

 

 

 

 

 

1 posts since
Jul 10, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
3. Jul 10, 2008 11:13 AM in response to: podrick23
Re: missing someone!

 

Hi I lost my dad when I was 12 too which was 41 years ago and I still miss him after all that time so I know how you feel, but you must speak to your mum etc as she may need to speak about things to help her. I also lost my mum 3 years after but she was killed crossing the road but before that we spoke about my dad all athe time. There isnt a day that goes by without me thinking about both of them. Then my sister and brother both died aged 52 within a year of each other and I also miss them both greatly.

 

 

Marion

 

 

5 posts since
Jul 8, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
4. Jul 10, 2008 2:35 PM in response to: podrick23
Re: missing someone!

 

Hi Jodi,

 

 

 

 

 

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so sad, but i can completely understand your pain. I was 18 when i lost my dad to stomach cancer. He was 49, and there is not a day that doesnt go by when i dont think about him. I am now 22, and i still sometimes forget that he is not around, sometimes i think to myslef i must tell dad this, and then i realise he is not there to tell. i agree with the others when they say that you never get over it, and sometimes it hurts more than others but I think i have learnt that sometimes its okay to be sad about it all, and i know recently my friends boyfriend lost his dad to cancer and all my pain came flooding back. However i still love to talk about my dad, and i think thats it important you talk to your mum and your partner, as the longer you keep it all inside the harder it will get. I'm sure you will feel so much better when you talk it through with someone.

 

 

hope i have been of some help

 

 

 

 

 

Ruth xxx

 

 

 

 

 

2 posts since
Jul 13, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
6. Jul 13, 2008 7:54 PM in response to: Cornishgirl
Re: missing someone!

 

Hello,

 

 

I just wanted to say that I really identify with a lot of the things you are saying.  I feel as though it is very hard to go on with life when it feels like the person you lost should be there with you.  I feel as though my whole life has been ripped apart and that I am starting from scratch with everything - finding another job and moving back home with my parents, and coping with the loss of our future together, all the while trying to cope with the fact that the love of my life is no longer here to help me through it and that she will never experience anymore of life.  I know losing someone you love at any age is awful, but I just feel that this isn't what was supposed to happen.  Why did my partner have to lose her life at just 26?  I didn't know people could die of cancer at such a young age, without any warning.  Its just not right.

 

 

4 posts since
Jul 14, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
7. Jul 14, 2008 5:57 AM in response to: YoungWidow01
Re: missing someone!

 

My mum died of cancer on the 29th June 2008 at the age of 87,  I find it very difficult to write this because I can't stop crying. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago and on the 30th of November 2007 it returned in her lungs, she was also diagnosed with senile dementia. In the end she had cancer of the lung, skin and bones. My mum lives in Scotland and I in England so I travelled up there to spend as much precious time as I could with her and it was heart breaking watching her for the last 5 weeks of her life struggling with this dreadful disease.  She died at home with her family present. She spent 3 weeks at the local Hospice who were absolutely wonderful and the care that they gave her was amazing because they not only cared for her but also myself and the rest of the family.  I can't imagine life without my mum because I loved her so much and she meant the world to me

 

 

Fiona  Lawrence

 

 

 

 

 

1 posts since
Sep 23, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
8. Sep 23, 2008 10:30 PM in response to: brigadoon
Re: missing someone!

Hi All

 

I have just lost my partner Jackie 43yrs old to Metastic Liver cancer, Jackie died at home on 9th August 2008 after only having symtoms for only four and a half weeks, I was told nothing could be done for my partner due to the dease had metasized the liver totally.

 

 

Myself and my two children 10 and 5yrs are devistated to say the least and are going through the grieving process

 

 

 

 

 

Paul

35 posts since
Jun 17, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
9. Sep 23, 2008 11:38 PM in response to: podrick23
Re: missing someone!

 

Having read all your stories,it makes me so glad to still be around.its always harder when you lose someone in the prime of their lives.I was 34 when I found out i had Malignant Melanoma.Up to then i was always fit and healthy,had a great job as a firefighter and had a young family.Then bang...one day found a lump.found out what it was and thought...this is it.

 

 

.Im luckier than most,but the healing process takes many years.For those of you that have lost someone it maybe takes longer.You never get over losing someone,but talk to someone about it.This site is a great place to get things off your chest,but remember maybe other family members are feeling the way you do and you can help each other through this.

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts are with you all

 

 

Ian

 

 

4 posts since
Sep 5, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
10. Oct 20, 2008 9:41 AM in response to: PaulH
Re: missing someone!

Hi All

 

I lost my husband last November to bowel cancer at 58,and left a widow at 43, I have both children and grandchildren all of us left shattered and not knowing what life will be like without him, we all miss him so much its just so unfair when someone you love is taken away from you no matter what there age is. Nobody can actually tell you what it's like to lose someone or how you'll react as we all deal with grief in different ways except the missing link in your life we all get to find out what thats like.

 

The last ten months has been very difficult with lots of highs and lows,and now we are just beginning to adjust to life without him.it's hard but i suppose we all get there in the end.

 

lots of luck and love to you all x

1 posts since
Nov 2, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
11. Nov 2, 2008 1:19 AM in response to: podrick23
Re: missing someone!

 

Hi all,

 

 

Never thought I would find so many people grieving like me. Though it was 6 years ago still feels like yesterday. The pain just never goes away. Was talking to someone yesterday about it and the mind just played the entire picture again. My mom passed away with aplastic anemia. When the doctors said aplastic anemia and not blood cancer we were all relieved, not knowing that aplastic anemia is worse than blood cancer, she passed away within a month of diagnosis. I was 26 then and my mother was just 54. Why? We hadnt ever heard of this cancer we researched the internet to figure out what this cancer was all about. The doctors said it happened to one in a million. It's bone marrow cancer, when the bone marrow stops producing platelets and the body loses its immune system. How technical. There is so much I want to tell her, so much I want to talk to her about, so much was left unsaid. I dream of her every night and feel miserable when my eyes open in the morning to reality. 

 

 

I just pray and hope that all of us who have lost our loved one find the strength in us somewhere to go on, coz life just feels like a long journey sometimes. But I feel it makes us all better human beings and we don't take the happier moments in our lives for granted anymore.

 

 

A hug to all and the strength to carry on!

 

 

Hichal x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

katakana 1 posts since
Mar 17, 2012
Currently Being Moderated
12. Mar 17, 2012 2:05 AM in response to: podrick23
Re: missing someone!

Hi all,

 

I found my way here by Googling 'I miss my Dad'. He died in 1993, of cancer of the nasopharynx and I miss him like crazy! The 19th anniversary of his death is in 6 days time and I was 14 when he died. Unfortunately, he didn't manage to sort out a life insurance policy before he died and therefore left my Mum, who was his carer whilst he was ill, penniless and so life has been very difficult ever since. This meant that we had to move from Australia to the UK too. It's kind of reassuring to find others out there, in a similar position. It's so easy to think that you are the only one in the world that this has happened too, sometimes.

Moderator_Lucie 770 posts since
Oct 11, 2010
Currently Being Moderated
13. Mar 17, 2012 9:47 AM in response to: katakana
Re: missing someone!

Hello katakana,

 

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum - well done for finding us thanks to good old Google! However, it seems like you found a very old thread which has not been active for a long time so there is a chance that the users on this thread might not see your post. What I suggest you do is start your own thread - maybe in the Introduce Yourself section - and tell us all about your story and I am sure you will receive lots of responses from people who have recently lost a loved one and know only too well what you are feeling.

 

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

mother 119 posts since
Oct 4, 2011
Currently Being Moderated
14. Mar 17, 2012 6:30 PM in response to: YoungWidow01
Re: missing someone!

My son is in exactly the same position as you.  His fiance died in September the day before his 30th birthday.  He has just got some info about the Wayfoundation an organisation for people who have lost their partners in their 20s 30s or 40s.  I dont know if this is of intererest to you but maybe it will help.  I really hope so.

I am so sorry you are all still suffering so much and my heart breaks for my son and everyone on Cancer Chat but I hope you get some comfort from this site.  Luv Linda x

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