Cancer Chat online community

Hi 

I saw your post heading, 'trying to deal with the grief of losing my mum' and just had to read it. I am unfortunately in the same boat and lost my mum 2 months ago, a week before Christmas. Trying to deal with it is a hard struggle so I truly appreciate what you are feeling. Like you I lost my mum so suddenly and I think that makes the battle even harder. Mum went into the hospital on one day, 4 days later she had to have an op and 9 days after that she passed away. Secondary cancer in the colon was found but it all happened so so quick and I just could not get my head round it. Being told by doctors that she was dying without pathology results in was unreal and I chose not to believe it but it happened and now facing and dealing with each day is a real struggle so I can totally relate to you.

As it is coming up to a year, it must be even tougher, I know that at the moment, I count down the weeks and months, with it being 9 weeks or 2 months and each one is hard but the actual anniversary must be tough and I feel for you. Losing someone who has such a massive impact on our lives and in such a sudden way is a massive shock and changes our lives always, all I hope is that time will help to heal some of the wound and help us to adjust to a somewhat more normal life. Like you I miss my mum so so much and I physically ache, the day mum passed, part of me died with her and I just wish that I had a magic wand to change things and make things better.

I find that just trying to take life one moment at a time helps me, I try not to think about the future or what will happen tomorrow or in the next hour even, just what is happening in this exact moment and ask myself if I am ok. Usually the answer is yes, even though I am hurting and crying and screaming inside, but somehow it gets me through the day. Mum died a week before Xmas and Xmas day was awful and I dreaded the whole day but used the moment at a time madness method and somehow I got thorough it.

You are going to feel all over the place this week and you need to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling.

All the best and take Care

Nicola

Hi Nicola

just reading your post about your mum, i lost mine 7 Jan and we didnt expect to get through xmas so i feel for you and your family ( if like ours wasnt really a xmas but just another day )

i count down the weeks and relive the last things we talked about ( i tell people i'm ok but really want to lock myself in a room and scream ) i try to keep busy

theeres so many nice people on here to rant to on low days aswell

keep in touch x

hI girlfrommars

i'm 33 and its still hard not been able to call round or pick up the phone to speak to my mam ( if only they had a phone in heaven )

23 is a young age and your a year younger than my little bro - noone should have to just get through it and there are days that are good and bad i find

hope you have family etc to talk to i find a good rant now & then  helps and i even shout and ask my mam why she couldnt just fight

ive been having counselling to deal with emotions i feel as alot of it is anger too