Cancer Chat online community

Hi Joe,

I am really sorry to hear about your grandparents, i am the same as you my nan and gramp brought me up and i lost my nan when i was 16 which was heartbraking but in my head all i could hear was grampys still here enjoy as much time as you can with him and i have done , i was always closer to my grandad tho cause my nan had been poorly most of her life so was locked away on her own. Going back in july this year my grandad got poorly being sick, e.c.t and he was never ill so after 5/6 trips to the doctors he asked them for a camera to be put down to make sure nothing was wrong (they told him it was excess stomache acid) anyway the camera showed he had a massive tumour in his stomach and i just fel my heart drop, u always thing the worst when you hear the word tumour/Cancer it had already spread to his liver so was unoperable so chemo was the only answer, now i wont lie it took its toll on him he was very bad somedays and good on others, when we had a cat scan after 4 months of treatment we found out it had gone from his liver and shrunk alot so we were over the moon 2 weeks later he died in his sleep from a heartattack. I cannot explain how angry and shocked i was and still till this day, it was cruel for us to have that good news but in his head he had beaten the cancer.

when u say about seeing fear in your grandma i think it would have been fear for you, fear for you having to see her so poorly, fear for you being without her and how your going to cope and fear for your future life because she wont be there. I asked my grandad if he was scared and he said he was scared for us kids but not for himself he said what will be is what will be, i felt like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders hearing that.

I no exactly how u feel, ive said it in my head a million times if my grampy dies i dont know what i would do without him, but when you see someone go through cancer and in pain when they pass its light a weight has gone, of course your miss them and cry loads but at the same time you know there not in pain anymore and thats the best feeling that takes over, but ye you will have bad days and good days. If you want to talk i will be here i believe that my gramp is now with my nan and all his brothers having a whale of a time but at the same time i am struggaling i think its because it is starting to feel real now.

Thanks

Danielle xxx

Hi

So sorry to ear your Nan is back in hospital

Have you spoken to the doctors to see if as you say its your last stretch with her? They may be able guide you

I know its a terrible time and it takes a lot out of you in fact I used always just want things to be back to normal but things are never back to the way they were before.

I don't want this to come across the wrong way but stay strong. Your Nan needs you to help her on her final journey. Have you family members that can help you and that you can talk to?

I know it takes over your life, I know sometimes it feels like youre a different person than before. Its difficult. Extremely difficult. I remember Dads last couple months and all I can say is that it was the nearest thing to hell on earth that there can be. But now its all over at least the one consolation is that we were with him every step of the way. As you will do for your Nan. When its all over you can look at yourself with no regrets and be proud of yourself that you did your best for her. The only prectical thing I would say is try get enough sleep. When you are tired things can seem even worse.

Take care of yourself 

Geri

xx