Cancer Chat online community
Just to let you know that even though I haven't been on the site very often, that my very precious husband Roy slipped silently away from me on the 26th November 2010 and I am totally devasted, how do I live how do I breathe, he was such a wonderful man, I have had so many beautiful tribites paid to him, he was one in a million, and I know everybody says he is now at peace and will be well again, and I understand that, but I need to see him just once more the pain I have inside is horrendous, Please help me I am so shattered by this I knew one day it would happen but a the same time to me Roy was invincible. How do I go on I just need one more cuddle please try to help me.
My wife passed away very suddenly on 29th November therefore I feel qualified to reply to you sad post.
My Janet was my life and my very best friend, I miss her terribly but trust that she is in a far better place where nothing can hurt her ever again, we who are
left behind and are feeling unable to cope must take some degree of comfort for the time we have had with the one who we loved so dear, now that they are
gone we must respect their memory and carry on, no matter how difficult, as that it what they would have wanted.
I think I know exactly how you feel and my heart goes out to you, Gillian,
Thank you Alan for your lovely reply and I agree with what you say I also know that you will be feeling exactly the same way as I do, but the want I have inside of me to just hold his hand one more time, hear his voice is unbearable, and I couldn't be so selfish as to wish him back to suffer again but I am so angry. I am so sorry also for your loss and I understand by your posts that you haven't had the funeral yet, oh Alan its so hard isn't to say goodbye to someone you love so very much. My husband was diagnosed nearly 5 years ago with prostate cancer I thought then that my world had ended but he took it on the chin underwent 2 lots of chmoe and even returned to work the next day after the treatments and he worked in the shipyards which is a very physical job, he never let it get to him he was marvellous, but in June of this year he was found to have swelling at the back of his eyes which resulted in been fluid in the lining of his brain, they decided without any consultation with us that they would fit a shunt in his head to drain the fluid, there was no sign of cancer in his head at prior to the surgery, he came out of the surgery and his sight had been affected and his hearing was almost nil through all of this Roy underwent 8 lumbar punctures, it was then that they found he had cancer in his brain stem, which I strongly belive came from them cutting him for the surgery, when I mentioned this to his gp she said well I can't argue with that. As the time has got on Roy's sight was to the point where he could only see shadows and he had been fittted with hearing aids, by the 24th November Roy was still at home but could hardly walk, we had a hospital bed put into the dining room for him on the Thursday and it was there that he took a fit on the nightime, he was taken into hospital and about 2.30 am he was taken to a ward the last words I said to him was I love you and He said I love you to babe, Roy never spoke again, we sat all day with him on the Friday 26th November and decided to pop home at 8pm I spoke to him ahd said don't you dare go anywhere unless I'm here with you and 1 tear rolled down his cheek, that was the last time I seen my beautiful Roy alive we were called back to the hospital within an hour and he had already gone when we got there, oh I feel so angry that I went home, but I did ask the nurses before we went and they said we can't say whether to go or stay but we will ring you if there was any change, why did I go maybe he wanted me to go I'll never know. I just miss him so very much. Once again Alan I know your heart is broken too please forgive me for going on but like you said sometimes it is so hard to talk face to face.
Take Care Alan and Thank You
I have no words to help you as words are inadequate at this time but I wish you peace soon and the strength to make sense of this terrible time.The love that you had will never go.it will always live on in your heart.
Good luck to you and everyone in your awful position/
My deapest sympathy to you Alan.I hope you find the strength in your love for your dear wife to support you through this.You cannot hold her in your hand but you will always hold her in your heart.
So much good luck for your future
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and can only imagine what you are going through as I lost my brother to bowel cancer last week. We had always been close but it is a different closeness to that of husband and wife. I sat with my brother on the weekends my sister in law needed a break and we talked about him dying, which was instigated by him as I wasn't brave enough to raise it.
Needless to say we cried together and told each other how we really felt. I spoke to him for the last time ten days ago but saw him every other day and had the privilege to be with him along with my two sisters on the evening he died. Like you I needed a cuddle as it was always my brother who made things better but the last weekend I sat with him and he was conscious he told me that if I ever needed him just close my eyes and think of him which I do.
I can only hope that you find comfort in your friends and family and when you need to be alone this website is amazing as you can 'talk' to people without them interrupting or being embarrassed by your tears. Sometime it has taken me three hours and a box of tissues to say what I want to but it is worth it.
So I am sending you a hug and to let you know I shall be thinking of you.
I do know a little of how you feel - my husband aged 53 died on Nov 22nd with me holding him and although we had known for two weeks that nothing could be done, I still ache for more time. I think there will always be things we want to say and to feel their arms wrapped around us. I still can't accept it and keep turning to tell him something - even something someone has written in the In Sympathy card. It is a physical and emotional pain that only people who have lost someone they love can understand. I torture myself that if I'd forced him to see a doctor years ago they might have saved him or worry that I might not have been kind and supportive enough when he was ill. I wouldn't let anyone else look after him when he was discharged from hospital and I know it mattered to him to be home with our daughters. But I feel desperate sometimes and the loneliness is almost unbearable. Friends and family are lovely but they don't fill the gap.
Waking up in the morning is so painful, and getting the evening meal ready for the children - when I should hear him walk through the door. I do so feel for you.
Gillian, my heart goes out to you. My father-in-law (who we adored) died 3 months ago (not from cancer but from a heart attack masked by complications from diabetes - but had colon cancer 12 years previous & we always felt he was on borrowed time)
My mum-in-law fell to pieces initially and as a family we all rallied round to help in the first weeks - there is no standard plan for how you cope & get through this. All I can say is that your close family & friends will just be waiting for you to say you need help or support. Even simple things like sorting shopping/rubbish/recycling, or making phonecalls, people close to you will be only too happy to help - you may not feel it now, but it will make a difference. This time of year is especially cruel, we are just closing ranks this year - I haven't even sent xmas cards - our true family & friends will understand.
You will find lots of support on here, please keep checking in.
Dear Sazzbo and Tinks,
Thank You so much for your lovely replies, everything you have said is true, waking up on a morning is horrible because it means I have to face another day without him and the reality of it all smashs you in the face, like you say family and friends have been fantastic but its Roy that I want, my heart is totally destroyed and i know people say in time you will feel better, I don't know if I ever want to feel better I can't bring myself to even buy christmas cards and the thought of just putting my name on I just can't go there. I am receviing cards from friends and neighbours and I took all day to open them because its not right just having my name on the envelope its heartbreaking. I don't ever imagine I will recover from this, I even miss giving him his tablets, I also like yourself feel so guilty about the times I raised my voice or got frustrated but I didn't mean any of it alot of the time was because I was so frightened of this diesase and my beautiful Roy knew that I was, so forgive me Roy for the times when I didn't treat you the way that I should of albeit very few, its just that I loved him so very very much I thought by doing it it would make everything alright how stupid am I but I think you will understand. I am so angry that someone somewhere could be so cruel as to take the most precious thing in my life away from me. I feel you you both as well, but I know that you will understand when I say that even though you know there is thousands of people out there feeling exactly the same way as I do it doesn't really help at this minute in time does it or is that just me been stupid, So thank you Sazzbo and Tinks for your posts and please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing, it really takes some strength to talk about it and to find it in yourseles to help others when your own hearts are broken.
Gillian, just wanted to check in and say, I know life is almost unbearable for you at the moment (somehow you go through the motions of 'normal life'. )
We are all thinking of you on here.
I am so, so sorry and my heart goes out to you. I lost my darling husband in January and my heart is still aching. I loved him so much, and always will. Look after yourself and know that the thoughts of everyone on this forum are with you.
I am so very, very sorry to read the news about your wonderful husband Roy. This is a cruel disease for all involved, and I really wish I had a magic wand to make it all go away.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time, and I pray you find the strength to face each day as it comes.
With kindest regards
I know exactly what you are going through. It is now nearly two years since my husband died. It hurts so much and the hurting stays but just changes as time goes past. You need time to cry, to think, to recall and time for you. Don't try to fill your days to ease the pain the pain is natural it is all part of grieving. I wish my husband could come back and given me a cuddle. Sometimes I dream and the dreams are so real but then I wake up and remember and the feelings all come flooding back. I'm here if you want to talk.
hi gillian im so so sorry to hear of your loss since i am looking after my husband whom has terminal cancer it all started 2006 when he had part of his lung removed due to cancer,then august 2010 my husband developed severe headaces that resulted in the cancer was back within his brain.they removed the growth then done a pet scan only to be told the cancer is in his other lung,also chest-wall.also lympth nodes its terminal nothing can be done its a matter of time,most days hes so very tired sometimes withdrawn.hes only 54yr old. im like you if you dont mind me saying so.weve been married 34yrs we have done almost everything together my family are all grown up married with kids of there own i cry every day as like you i cant imagine life without my husband he was my carer since im disabilled iv had majour back surgery done i also suffer from c.o.p.d. emphesma within my lungs whats left to live for im hurt angry as to why.i send you my sincere condolences my prayers thoughts are with you.
I know how you feel too. It's a year next Friday since my husband Andy passed away. We had been married 32 years and were soulmates. All those "important dates" have passed now, just the anniversary of his death to get through. On Valentines Day last week I woke up and went downstairs convinced for a moment that he would somehow have found a way to send me a Valentines Card. I was cross with him for not being able to arrange this. Now that a year has passed for me the only comfort I can give you is that each day does get a little easier especially with the help of family and friends. Nothing will ever be the same again but I hope that I can make some sort of a future for myself with happiness in it. Grandchildren one day will be something to look forward to. Life is so unfair,